im a bad person:(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
im a bad person:(
My mom is disappointed in me. She told me I put my friends first before my family and use my family. That I have narcisstic personality disorder and my aunts and uncles have been calling me but I have been not answering my phone. I am a bad person and uncaring because I want to do this. Feeling very sad right now and today. That I treat them ****** my parents and that they have done so much for me.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Ano, I've read some of your threads. Just my opinion, there is something unhealthy about the relationship between your parents and yourself. If I were you, I would get out as fast as I could. It makes me uneasy.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
I could not have a "normal" non-combative "adult" relationship with my parents until I put some distance between us and was on my own. It's hard to break out of a dysfunctional pattern when your are stuck in the middle of it. Seems to me you need to establish some independence, some space for everyone concerned ( do you work, go to school, pay rent, etc?). BTW, I hate being forced to make or return phone calls, especially when someone is nagging me to. Brings out my stubborn streak I guess. Hang in there and work towards your independence . It's good you are not drinking, that would make things so much harder and keep you stuck.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Anoronha, you are not a bad person, it just seems that you have an intuitive sense that some things your mom (parents) do or tell you are not constructive for you.
I never had a good relationship with my mother and detached myself from her a lot already as a young kid, which was weird and I did not understand it (blamed myself) until much later when I discussed it with my dad and he told me many things I did not know about her. She was someone with a very difficult childhood and life-long emotional problems, I think what happened was that she was desperately craving love and affection that she did not receive in critical periods of her development and later projected these in all sorts of unhealthy ways. I think I sensed this unconsciously very early. She passed away several years ago and sadly, never had any of her issues resolved (or even addressed).
Do I feel guilty about not trying better? Not the least. Or resentments about some really old behaviors and how they affected me? Nope. I am just sad for her that she never really figured out her life or sought help.
If you feel that you can help your mom in a way that also nourishes you, definitely go ahead. If not, focusing on your own life is better.
I never had a good relationship with my mother and detached myself from her a lot already as a young kid, which was weird and I did not understand it (blamed myself) until much later when I discussed it with my dad and he told me many things I did not know about her. She was someone with a very difficult childhood and life-long emotional problems, I think what happened was that she was desperately craving love and affection that she did not receive in critical periods of her development and later projected these in all sorts of unhealthy ways. I think I sensed this unconsciously very early. She passed away several years ago and sadly, never had any of her issues resolved (or even addressed).
Do I feel guilty about not trying better? Not the least. Or resentments about some really old behaviors and how they affected me? Nope. I am just sad for her that she never really figured out her life or sought help.
If you feel that you can help your mom in a way that also nourishes you, definitely go ahead. If not, focusing on your own life is better.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Don't let other people drag you down. Not even your parents. You've only got one life and it's yours. Don't spend the majority of it letting others make you feel like trash. You say that they have helped you but this clearly it not the way to continue helping you. They should be able to see that their overbearing attitude has impacted you negatively. The fact that they can't tells me a lot about how much they really care.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Anoranha-as a self-proclaimed expert in personality disorders, in my OPINION I would have to say if you are even POSTING here you are not a narcissist. No one can label you that, by the way--except a qualified professional--and even then.....most NPDs will not seek therapy. And you have.
I know this is a small point to your post, but it's a big deal. I went through times over the years where I didn't respond to Aunts, Uncles, etc. and I am an Empath.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. YOUR HEART IS EVIDENT IN YOUR POSTS. NEVER, EVER LET ANYONE LABEL YOU.
I know this is a small point to your post, but it's a big deal. I went through times over the years where I didn't respond to Aunts, Uncles, etc. and I am an Empath.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. YOUR HEART IS EVIDENT IN YOUR POSTS. NEVER, EVER LET ANYONE LABEL YOU.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
As an adult without a spouse and children, you SHOULD be putting your friends before family. Then if-and-when you make a family of your own, they ought to be the priority.
Until then you need to build your network of peers. Otherwise after your parents die, you might find yourself all alone .
It sounds like your parents want you to stay a child.
Until then you need to build your network of peers. Otherwise after your parents die, you might find yourself all alone .
It sounds like your parents want you to stay a child.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I spent 45 years chained to my mother. Do not let this happen to you. It is your life. You have the right to live it!
Guilt, silent treatments, shame and verbalizing disappointments are forms of emotional abuse.
Live your life hun, you only get one!
Guilt, silent treatments, shame and verbalizing disappointments are forms of emotional abuse.
Live your life hun, you only get one!
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