Antabuse
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Join Date: May 2014
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Antabuse
Hello.
I am hoping to get some advice in regards to my alcoholic girlfriend. When she drinks, it is between 10 and 15 beers a day. She drinks at work and at home. She tried naltrexone and was able to be sober half the days of the week. On Monday, she began antabuse + wellbutrin and has not drank so she has been sober almost a full week. She told me that this is the longest she's been sober in years. Yesterday she was depressed and angry and was distant. I've learned to just let her have some distance to decompress because trying to help her doesn't usually work. Today, we woke up and I could tell she was happy. Within two hours, I saw her mood change and after I showered, I brought her the antabuse pill to take. She told me she doesn't like the way it makes her feel and doesn't want it today. She told me that she can't drink for two weeks after taking it so what's the big deal. Obviously that's not true. I don't know what to do. I've told her that antabuse is only part of the solution. She needs to go to a therapist or meetings or find something else to help her cope. She pretty much just agrees and never follows through. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
I am hoping to get some advice in regards to my alcoholic girlfriend. When she drinks, it is between 10 and 15 beers a day. She drinks at work and at home. She tried naltrexone and was able to be sober half the days of the week. On Monday, she began antabuse + wellbutrin and has not drank so she has been sober almost a full week. She told me that this is the longest she's been sober in years. Yesterday she was depressed and angry and was distant. I've learned to just let her have some distance to decompress because trying to help her doesn't usually work. Today, we woke up and I could tell she was happy. Within two hours, I saw her mood change and after I showered, I brought her the antabuse pill to take. She told me she doesn't like the way it makes her feel and doesn't want it today. She told me that she can't drink for two weeks after taking it so what's the big deal. Obviously that's not true. I don't know what to do. I've told her that antabuse is only part of the solution. She needs to go to a therapist or meetings or find something else to help her cope. She pretty much just agrees and never follows through. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
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i would imagine she is going through all kinds of stuff; the first few days and weeks are a rollercoaster of emotions and can be especially full of conflicting desires.
this may sound harsh to you, but as an alcoholic i'll say that it had to be MY responsibility to do what i needed to do. what i'm saying is: you can't really DO anything and it isn't your job. she will get her OWN pill if she decides to. she will make decisions. be supportive and encouraging, but other than that, it's all up to her. when you see the pattern of not following through repeating over and over, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself.
i'd suggest joining the family and friends section of SR, where you'll get lots of support.
this may sound harsh to you, but as an alcoholic i'll say that it had to be MY responsibility to do what i needed to do. what i'm saying is: you can't really DO anything and it isn't your job. she will get her OWN pill if she decides to. she will make decisions. be supportive and encouraging, but other than that, it's all up to her. when you see the pattern of not following through repeating over and over, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself.
i'd suggest joining the family and friends section of SR, where you'll get lots of support.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm sorry you are in pain over your girlfriend.
As an alcoholic myself I can tell you that the first couple months off alcohol is really difficult. I was all over the place emotionally and physically and spiritually. Add in a new prescription to Wellbutrin and she just probably doesn't know if she's up or down. She's probably both - all at once.
It's not your job to prescribe Antabuse (or make sure she's taking it) or to suggest therapy or meetings or anything else. You cannot diagnose her and you can't fix her. She just has to go through it. For your sanity, step back and understand you cannot control her sobriety or her moods or how much she eats or sleeps or yells or cries or is irrational or anything else. Her brain is going through a complete rewire right now.
Please go to an AlAnon meeting for yourself, it will help you understand and will give you some support of your own. Detach from her emotions and her problems. It's not you, and you cannot take care of this for her.
The Friends & Family of Alcoholics section here is a great place for you to find similar stories and support.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
As an alcoholic myself I can tell you that the first couple months off alcohol is really difficult. I was all over the place emotionally and physically and spiritually. Add in a new prescription to Wellbutrin and she just probably doesn't know if she's up or down. She's probably both - all at once.
It's not your job to prescribe Antabuse (or make sure she's taking it) or to suggest therapy or meetings or anything else. You cannot diagnose her and you can't fix her. She just has to go through it. For your sanity, step back and understand you cannot control her sobriety or her moods or how much she eats or sleeps or yells or cries or is irrational or anything else. Her brain is going through a complete rewire right now.
Please go to an AlAnon meeting for yourself, it will help you understand and will give you some support of your own. Detach from her emotions and her problems. It's not you, and you cannot take care of this for her.
The Friends & Family of Alcoholics section here is a great place for you to find similar stories and support.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: May 2014
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I'm sorry you are in pain over your girlfriend.
As an alcoholic myself I can tell you that the first couple months off alcohol is really difficult. I was all over the place emotionally and physically and spiritually. Add in a new prescription to Wellbutrin and she just probably doesn't know if she's up or down. She's probably both - all at once.
It's not your job to prescribe Antabuse (or make sure she's taking it) or to suggest therapy or meetings or anything else. You cannot diagnose her and you can't fix her. She just has to go through it. You need to step back and not try to control her sobriety or her moods or how much she eats or sleeps or yells or cries or is irrational or anything else. Her brain is going through a complete rewire right now.
Please go to an AlAnon meeting for yourself, it will help you understand and will give you some support of your own. Detach from her emotions and her problems. It's not you, and you cannot take care of this for her.
The Friends & Family of Alcoholics section here is a great place for you to find similar stories and support.
As an alcoholic myself I can tell you that the first couple months off alcohol is really difficult. I was all over the place emotionally and physically and spiritually. Add in a new prescription to Wellbutrin and she just probably doesn't know if she's up or down. She's probably both - all at once.
It's not your job to prescribe Antabuse (or make sure she's taking it) or to suggest therapy or meetings or anything else. You cannot diagnose her and you can't fix her. She just has to go through it. You need to step back and not try to control her sobriety or her moods or how much she eats or sleeps or yells or cries or is irrational or anything else. Her brain is going through a complete rewire right now.
Please go to an AlAnon meeting for yourself, it will help you understand and will give you some support of your own. Detach from her emotions and her problems. It's not you, and you cannot take care of this for her.
The Friends & Family of Alcoholics section here is a great place for you to find similar stories and support.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Antabuseadvice
It is just incredibly painful to see her do this after a week of being sober and genuinely happy. She has one or two bad days and she is willing to throw it away. I love her. I want a future for us but her talking about wanting to quit isn't the same as taking action. I know that I can't live like this for the rest of my life. It's too much emotionally for me. If she isn't willing to commit to something that is obviously working, will she ever do anything about her drinking?
Again, right now she is not in control of herself emotionally, and the more you push her the more out of control she is going to feel.
Please, for her sake, just relax about it and let it unfold.
Of course, if you cannot live with it, that is your decision and no one here is going to tell you otherwise. It is always within your power to walk away. It is never in your power to convince her how to "do" her sobriety. It is exceedingly difficult to become a sober, functional person after alcoholism. She may or may not make it this time. You have no control over that. Lots of alcoholics have many relapses. Some make it out the first time. Some never make it out and die from this disease.
Please check online for an AlAnon meeting near you.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well, there are many ways to sobriety. You don't know the best way for her, only she does. When she is committed she will make it work.
Again, right now she is not in control of herself emotionally, and the more you push her the more out of control she is going to feel.
Please, for her sake, just relax about it and let it unfold.
Of course, if you cannot live with it, that is your decision and no one here is going to tell you otherwise. It is always within your power to walk away. It is never in your power to convince her how to "do" her sobriety. It is exceedingly difficult to become a sober, functional person after alcoholism. She may or may not make it this time. You have no control over that. Lots of alcoholics have many relapses. Some make it out the first time. Some never make it out and die from this disease.
Please check online for an AlAnon meeting near you.
Again, right now she is not in control of herself emotionally, and the more you push her the more out of control she is going to feel.
Please, for her sake, just relax about it and let it unfold.
Of course, if you cannot live with it, that is your decision and no one here is going to tell you otherwise. It is always within your power to walk away. It is never in your power to convince her how to "do" her sobriety. It is exceedingly difficult to become a sober, functional person after alcoholism. She may or may not make it this time. You have no control over that. Lots of alcoholics have many relapses. Some make it out the first time. Some never make it out and die from this disease.
Please check online for an AlAnon meeting near you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Antabuseadvice
How am I supposed to hide the way I feel when she comes home reeking of alcohol after work? How am I supposed to be intimate with her when she won't even remember it the next day? I'll go to a meeting this week. Should I just pretend like her drinking is normal? Pretend like I'm not worried and that her drinking has no consequences?
I know you're in pain. I have been on both sides, alcoholic and codependent, so I understand your resentment, confusion, anger, and frustration, believe me.
I also know that getting off alcohol is very difficult. She is fragile right now. She is feeling frightened, ashamed, overwhelmed by life, and is jumping out of her skin.
Your feelings are valid. Losing yourself over this is not going to help her and it is going to make you sick.
Blessings.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome Antabuseadvice 
As men we like to fix things, we want to make everything ok.
I understand you love your partner and you want her to be well...but if she hasn't got to that point yet of wanting it for herself, you're simply smacking your head against an unyielding wall.
I don't want to discourage you - I'm an alcoholic and there are many of us who had a moment of clarity and got into recovery - I did - but it was only when I wanted it.
That doesn't mean there's nothing you can do - for yourself.
Many folks here have suggested AlAnon or the Family and Friends forums and those are both good suggestions.
Please don't buy anymore meds tho - not every med is suitable for everyone.
Prescribed drugs are prescribed by experts for a reason.
Don't put your gf's health at more risk than it already is.
D
As men we like to fix things, we want to make everything ok.
I understand you love your partner and you want her to be well...but if she hasn't got to that point yet of wanting it for herself, you're simply smacking your head against an unyielding wall.
I don't want to discourage you - I'm an alcoholic and there are many of us who had a moment of clarity and got into recovery - I did - but it was only when I wanted it.
That doesn't mean there's nothing you can do - for yourself.
Many folks here have suggested AlAnon or the Family and Friends forums and those are both good suggestions.
Please don't buy anymore meds tho - not every med is suitable for everyone.
Prescribed drugs are prescribed by experts for a reason.
Don't put your gf's health at more risk than it already is.
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
How am I supposed to hide the way I feel when she comes home reeking of alcohol after work? How am I supposed to be intimate with her when she won't even remember it the next day? I'll go to a meeting this week. Should I just pretend like her drinking is normal? Pretend like I'm not worried and that her drinking has no consequences?
no, you're not supposed to hide and pretend and be intimate with a drunken reeking mess.
you're "supposed" to have some boundaries, or learn/practice how to set them, and take care of yourself.
i'm glad you're going to a meeting...uh...is it a meeting for you?
you've had many responses here, and they're all basically saying the same thing: detach from the craziness, take care of getting some support for yourself, try to get to acceptance that you cannot fix her nor fix this for her.
i'm sorry you're in this painful place.
no, you're not supposed to hide and pretend and be intimate with a drunken reeking mess.
you're "supposed" to have some boundaries, or learn/practice how to set them, and take care of yourself.
i'm glad you're going to a meeting...uh...is it a meeting for you?
you've had many responses here, and they're all basically saying the same thing: detach from the craziness, take care of getting some support for yourself, try to get to acceptance that you cannot fix her nor fix this for her.
i'm sorry you're in this painful place.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: perth Western Australia
Posts: 132
when I stop taking ant abuse I either consciously or subconsciously planning my relapse. That said I don't like the way it makes me feel....... drowsey and fatigued..... but it that or I end up listening to the addictive voice that tells me "just one more". I can drink 2 days after not taking it..... good luck
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