MaxxPower

I ''relapsed'' a week ago.

It's almost exactly to the point of where I left off..

I've been sneaking 12 beers for the past 2 days..

My alcoholic ego is telling me everything is just fine..

I'm not sure what to think..

scared?

very ashamed..sorry

tomthern

You shouldn't feel ashamed. You need to reflect on what caused you to slip. It isn't easy to get back and you're trying to get there. Welcome back.

desypete

what are you sorry about ? you dont have to be sorry to any one, its not easy trying to live sober everyday people are trying and failing because there trying to do it on there own and its only when we really honestly reach out for help and we are ready to go to any lengths to stay sober that it comes to us. but we have to do the hard work sadly as there is no easy cure. i can only tell you that i went to aa meetings to help me and so far its worked for 10 years so my suggestion would be go to aa i hope you find the help your looking for whatever way you go

Dee74

I think it's good you came back here Maxx - cos you know everything's not fine at all .

No need to be ashamed tho - I'd wager everyone of us here knows how you're feeling...

The really important thing is - what are you going to do now?

D

Weaver

No reason to be ashamed or scared. You are more powerful than the alcohol. YOU can overcome this.

What lead to this? Anything in particular? Are you drinking now?

Glad you came back to seek support and advice.

MaxxPower

Dee..I dunno. My sober time didn't solve anything.

Dee74

Sober time by itself didn't solve anything for me either Max..what it did do was give me the space to work on solutions

Phase one - stopping drinking - is a miraculous achievement - but it's only half the job, I reckon.

D

Notimetoloose

Hey Maxx,
Heres the thing for me my drunkeness doesn't solve anything, it just amplifies all the negatives and leaves me miserable....even when I am smiling it is not real, inside I am miserable.

How long were you sober?....

MaxxPower

9 plus months

Gottalife

Well, if you are indeed more powerful than alcohol, this is probably true.

But if alcohol is your master, you probably need AA.

Notimetoloose

Wow, Maxx, that is an achievement, and definitely one that is not lost...
I can't begin to tell you how many times I said I was never going to drink again or only have a few or moderate to just on my day of.....
In the end I was so frightened....
Beating yourself up doesn't help...what works for me is shoulders back, head high and thoughts of lets do this.
What are you going to do now?

Eddiebuckle

My first sponsor made a point of teaching me the distinction between guilt and shame: guilt says "I made a mistake" whereas shame says "I am a mistake."

You are an alcoholic - to drink is to go back to where you left off, no more and no less. It is a mistake. You are not.

The real question is what do you intend to do now?

desypete

now that is a pearl of wisdom i have never heard before in all the years around
how simple that answer is and sums it up without argument i totaly agree with you gottalife with that point and i must try and remember that one thanks for that little gem

courage2

Maxx, thanks for your honesty, and I'm happy to see you here.

I relapsed at 1 year, so I know where you're coming from. I got myself in a bad way starting when I had 9 months like you, not feeling better, not feeling my problems were solved. Why should they have been, if I wasn't taking the actions to solve them?

I know you can do this. It starts by putting the drink back down. Then the work begins. It's a long hard job. I remember you as a tough guy. Put your back into this one.

((Maxx))

Hevyn

I'm glad you're back to talk things over Maxx.

todd6138

you're always welcome here! Thanks for posting

Weaver

Alcohol is nobody's master. It may SEEM that way, but yes, you are indeed more powerful than alcohol.

I'm sorry to hear that alcohol is your master...it is liberating knowing that it is quite the opposite.

We are all here for the same reason though. To get and say sober so good luck and be well.

How are you today Max?

waynetheking

Hey maxx, don't fret over this. Main thing is you realize its a loosing game going back to alcohol. Just stop now and continue on with ur sobriety. Were here for ya buddy. You know the past 9 months were better. Sobriety is life, alcoholism is probable death. Stay with us!

Sudz No More

The act of being sober is not always the final act, it doesn't mean you can't finish in the next scene. At least you are still in the play.

Croissant

Maxx, good on you for posting. That's a good sign you still want this!

I felt very bad when I slipped also...twice - it was awful at the time and I felt worthless and this whole stop drinking thing felt hopeless too. Give it a few days to let the alcohol get out of your system, then looking back, you may just see that you are hitting the next phase.

Sobriety isn't just about not drinking and expecting our lives to miraculously fall into place. It may take a while for you to see why you picked up again too. We really do have to relearn how to deal with life, disappointments, who we really are, what we really want...it's a massive amount of our life we spent fuzzed and blurred. Rebuilding it takes time and effort. But please don't give up.