Kitkat331

Hi guys, I'm a little past 6 weeks sober. Things are going well right now--but I'm nervous about an upcoming visit from my parents. They are nightly drinkers--my dad is probably an alcoholic (late onset, he didn't really drink a ton when I was a child.)

Luckily (!!!) they are not staying with me. And I have a plan for how I will tell them I can't drink--I am on medication which is not supposed to be mixed with alcohol. (This is true--I just started Lexapro.) I'm sure they will be ok / supportive about that.

However, I'm just nervous about spending so much time w/ them and around all that drinking.

Also, I'm worried about them bringing alcohol to my house and expecting to leave it here overnight--though my husband is super supportive of me so I think he can probably help with that if it happens, plus I am not sure I would actually be that tempted anyway, though you never know--I will probably be much more stressed out while they are visiting.

I realize that many of you would advise me to come out to them as an alcoholic in recovery, but honestly I am just not ready to do that at this juncture. It could invite a ton of drama / discussions that I just don't want to face right now--e.g. "is my dad an alkie?", I wasn't "that bad", etc.

Thanks in advance for any wisdom!!

least

I hope the visit isn't as stressful as you think it will be. You can get thru it sober. Have faith in yourself.

MIRecovery

One of my very strict rules is that I have a dry house. I feel very strongly about this. My home is my one refuge where I don't have to worry drinking. It has been uncomfortable a few times but once people know they do not question it. This is my house and I do not feel I need to apologize to anyone.

Anna

Me too. We have no alcohol, nor do we ever serve alcohol here. It makes life so simple.

I remember seeing Betty Ford do an interview, and she said they never served alcohol in the White House after she stopped drinking. It really impressed me.

DoubleDragons

Hi, my mom is an alcoholic and my dad is a heavy drinker. They drink every night. At first, when I quit drinking, I said there would be no drinking around me. Well, that became a nightmare power struggle. I think my parents believed that I still drank, just not around them, which is not true. Their number one drink of choice is white wine. I was a red wine girl so it really doesn't bother me when they drink that around me or keep it in my refrigerator. They have cut back a lot of drinking around me, so that is good. This is more of a ramble than helpful, I know. I just didn't want you to feel alone.

karate

We cant avoid being around it ,You should see how much people drink when on a business meal ,and im paying .

JustODAAT

I completely understand this situation and have lived it now for 2 years. I think your idea about the medication is a good one. I also am "out" to my close friends as recovering but in no way would choose to try to have that conversation with my heavy drinking parents who are not equipped to have it. The conversation would just go ugly.

I have to psche myself up when they come. I have to make sure that I have plenty of my alternate drinks around. I try to avoid dinners at home, if possible. Going out to dinner slows down their drinking and makes them mostly behave. I try to arrange late afternoon activities so the time between "cocktail hour" and dinner isn't too long.

It's hard but you can do it. If you're like me, you lived your life anticipating and reacting to your parents' (in my case my mother's) drinking all your life. I try to keep telling myself "at least it's only a few days in a row now, not every day."

And sometimes I can use their visits as a recommitment to my sobriety: You are sober because you don't want to end up like that. I remember the child that suffered through that (me) and stay sober to keep my own promise to myself not to replicate that for my kids.

I'm pulling for you. Good luck.

DoubleDragons

Excellent point, ODAAT!! My mother didn't drink alcoholically until I was an adult. I saw the progressiveness (is that a word?!?) with my own two eyes. When my mother started showing up to family events drunk or when I could hear the drink in her voice on morning phone calls, is really what really helped me make my commitment to my sobriety. I made a promise to my two eldest children one day, that they would NEVER have to worry or wonder about my drinking at any event concerning them. In order to keep that promise, I had to quit drinking because I could not control how much that I drank 100 percent of the time.

cejay

Great topic and so timely!

My parents are both daily drinkers. My mom gets blitzed and my dad gets happy and stops.

I had a few years sober a few years ago, (I had to reset the clock recently), at that time I was honest with them that I didn't drink anymore. They would come visit (we lived 5+ hrs apart) and would have to stay at my house. At first I was adamant I was not gonna allow booze in my house. I know we cannot avoid booze but its different if it is left behind and you are all alone and its in the fridge or wherever... but I didn't.

So what I did was, not buy any for them, they had to buy it and bring it. The second they left it was pored out and I threw the bottles out - no recyling, straight to garbage bag, right into the can. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want the visual cues.

In the evenings, when my mom started her slurring and drunk talk, it served a powerful deterrent but it also put pressure on the relationship because you find out pretty quick how annoying drunk people get.

I'm actually struggling with the same issue now as this summer I was supposed to take a vacation and stay at their place for ~1 wk and now I don't know if I want to. I don't want to be around people who are fairly drunk every night. Now I'm either going to have to hurt their feelings or deal with it. Leaning on the former.

I think we have to put our sobriety first, before all else. We have to be an unstoppable force of determination, no matter what.

Cj.

aasharon90

I would keep in mind is how important is
my recovery to me. Is this recovery mine,
which it is, and would I go to any lengths to
protect my sobriety and recovery.

This is my health, my body, my mind
and my heart. Alcohol is a poison, a mind
altering substance that affects every ounce
of my being. It affects my health, my decision
making, my motor skills, my emotions, .....

It also affects others around me, whether
it be friends or family. I have to do whatever
I need to do to learn how to get healthy by
learning all there is to know about my addiction
and ways to not pick up that poison and bring
it to my lips.

I also needed to learn about triggers that
would cause me to drink and how to avoid
them. For me, family was a huge factor in
my drinking and when I got sober, distancing
myself from them in order to become healthier
in recovery had to be done.

I also realized thru out my recovery that no
one will safe guard my sobriety more than
myself. I became responsible for my own
sober well being.

Find what works for you to safe guard ur
own recovery because you are worth it.
Worth it to live a happier, healthier, honest
life in recovery for many yrs. down the road.

cejay

Sharon - Such a powerful message. Saved to my "motivation" notebook.

Thank you.

Cj.

gardendiva

KitKat I have the same amount of sober time. My husband drinks and I work in a bistro. It is possible to be around alcohol and stay sober. Good luck with your folks.

Kitkat331

Thank you to everyone for the replies--this really helps me think more clearly about their visit and I know it will give me more strength while they are here. I'll make it through and I'm so grateful to know I have you guys to lean on!!

Kitkat331

This really resonates with me, thank you--I'm making that promise to my kids right now.

karate

Its totally on us ,I was offered a beer last night .

First week ,a friend helping on the farm left 3 ,tallboy keystones -My drink of choice ,
I think they are still sidding beside the barn full .