Music

This isn't an "us against them" deal. Let people know what you need. We aren't mind readers. I was told "Easy Does It" and that worked for me. I made my own friends and eventually found a lot of my own meetings. Just takes time.

dox

Wrong.

Gossiping is contrary to the principles of AA. I doubt that your sister engages in it.

The apparent resentments that you hold against her are unlikely to ease until you get a sponsor and take the steps.
Until then, I humbly suggest that you put your feelings for your sister on hold (as much as possible).
I don't think that you will disrupt her time in AA (unless that is your intention).
Far more disruptive are your resentments.
They have delayed and will continue to delay your sobriety . . .

If you let them.

Please don't think that I am taking sides here, Mirage74.
As a fellow alcoholic and AA member, I can only wish the both of you a sober and happy life.
.

Ananda

I really hope you will look at what you are saying here. It truley isn't about people supporting you or supporting your sister...In it's best form you can both be supported by the group. I understand wanting people to choose to support your over someone else (and believe me my situation was pretty severe). But in the end if I hold on to wanting to be picked as favorite, no matter how much that seems reasonalbe, it only kills my chance at staying sober and just as important ... living a worthwhile and enjoyable life.

I truley wish you the best (hug)

Mirage74

Just realizing some of the craziness I was posting. Yesterday was day 3, I think some withdrawals. Have calmed down some. All the replies have helped. It's true, I harbor resentments towards her and others. Would like to find a sponsor and work through them, just feel impeded. I just need to work my own program, like you all have said. Thanks for all the great insight.

LBrain

I think it's a personal issue. Have you and your sister always been competitive? Are there hidden resentments you cling to?

I personally know of siblings, parents and children, cousins, IN LAWS etc. that are in the same meetings. I know of a great grand parent/child in the program. It is a family affair around these parts. I know of EXs also.

This is something you are going to have to deal with -outside of AA. I certainly would hope the group would not harbor any animosity to either of you. Don't let it get in the way of your sobriety or ability to seek help and support. If it IS that big an issue, then find other meetings. It just goes against everything AA is supposed to stand for...

Mirage74

Agreed LBrain. That's my issue, I can't believe she's been in the program this long and doesn't get that.

And competitive, yes. But I'm trying to get past that, she's obviously not. I see it as sort of childish behavior. And I'm supposed to be the sick one.

Mirage74

But you're right, LBrian. This needs to be resolved outside of AA. I realize there is a deeper issue going on here. Not sure exactly what it is, but it is a problem and not sure what to do. I just wish someone would take her aside and tell her how wrong she is. I've tried, erupts into a fight. She refuses to back down.

Mirage74

Went to AA meeting. Actually got me down. I just don't think it's gonna work with her in the program, even if we go to separate meetings. Guess I'm going to have to try other alternatives. Thanks for everyone's input.

Ananda

Stay as calm as you can and it's fine to look at other alternatives.

When you posted about yesterday being day 3 .... It made me think of the little thing they right on side mirrors of cars ... things may appear differently than where they are (can't remember the exact words). In early sobriety things sometimes appear much bigger than they actually are. That isn't to say you are in error or crazy or anything like that. It's just that early sobriety is a huge challenge for ANYONE ...

I'm pretty convinced in the idea that people need to do whatever they need to do to get through the early part (short of things like beating people or killing people). Nothing is set in stone and we can change our minds about what we are doing at any time. You can revisit the AA option at another time if it seems like something worthwhile. For now perhaps some counseling would help you focus on making some choices and doing some things that can help you through this time.

SR is also a great support system so keep posting not just on this thread but anywhere that you can relate to.

Music

From what I'm reading here, I'd say you're not quite ready to focus on what's really important. You stopping drinking!! Just because you've made this monumental decision about alcohol, doesn't mean the rest of the world is supposed to change to suit you. Focus on yourself and your problem with alcohol, not people around you and whether or not they're doing what you think they ought to do. As I see it, there's one sure alternative. Try some controlled drinking. Maybe that will help you put things into perspective.

Mirage74

Y'all make some good points. I think what I realize is I have a family problem, that brings me misery to the point that I drink. AA handles the drinking problem. I need to find a way to deal with the family problem, so I don't want to drink. AA may be out, because the problem is in AA (sister). Twisted

I drank last night. I fail at controlled drinking, Music. I have a problem. Looking into treatment.

EternalNow

I agree be considerate first then go for it. Your recovery is too important to continue to focus on this issue.