Just got a text...
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Mrmellow11 
Ask her what time she is coming over
And yep, take it for what it was, a drunk text. If she's a real friend and really likes you, she'd phone, sober and ask you for a coffee or a bite to eat.
Keep her as a business associate.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 458
She is an "old client"
This means he does not expect further business with her. The dynamic is different then a current client.
A current client he should run- Never mix business and pleasure. A former client affords more latitude.
This means he does not expect further business with her. The dynamic is different then a current client.
A current client he should run- Never mix business and pleasure. A former client affords more latitude.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
A current client he should run- Never mix business and pleasure. A former client affords more latitude.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
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Originally Posted by anykey
She is an "old client"
This means he does not expect further business with her. The dynamic is different then a current client.
A current client he should run- Never mix business and pleasure. A former client affords more latitude.
This means he does not expect further business with her. The dynamic is different then a current client.
A current client he should run- Never mix business and pleasure. A former client affords more latitude.
My simple point was is to keep it to business. Past or present.
It is merely my opinion and how I would conduct myself professionally. Hope that clarifies.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
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Originally Posted by anykey
what? carletta
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hey BigS, I also think it was good to not respond right back. If you are still thinking of it:
I think the text she sent is far too little and ambiguous to draw conclusions (or even make good guesses) about what might have been on her mind that triggered it. Here on this forum obviously we are very sensitive to any indication of an alcohol problem, but people who don't have such problems don't even think about it and might make jokes in this context or use it for teasing. I saw such behavior many times. From her text, there is no direct link or causality implied between the fact that she was drinking that night and the problem she mentions. Too misty. But like others also said, that's why it's also intriguing somewhat. Especially given that you kind of like this person.
If you find that it sticks in your mind, I would follow up maybe in a couple days, but definitely would not say that you thought she was reaching out about an alcohol problem. I would not even say I was worried, because that might make her uncomfortable if she did regret it. Just ask something relatively neutral and direct, eg. "Hey I've been thinking of you, how is everything now?" or "Interesting message you sent the other day. Wanna say more?"
And go from there.
You can choose to completely ignore her, but maybe then she will remain shy and you never find out. Maybe it's better to not know. One thing though: I remember you sharing with us here on SR how you feel lonely and would like to have more opportunities to meet attractive ladies... this may not be what you imagined, but in reality you just don't know... so perhaps it's also not the best to ignore something/someone that interests you, out of anxiety?
The one thing that would make me most concerned is what you said in the beginning, that she approached you sometimes before asking to get a beer, and you declined because of the type of invitation. Well, even if this lady is not an alcoholic, but if she really likes to have drinks involved in socializing and dates, you might always run into conflicts due to that. But again, if I were very curious, would not ignore it based on assumptions. Would maybe suggest an early afternoon date with coffee, not re: her drinks invitation but separately. Maybe something you could offer straight away in a couple days following up her text? "Wanna meet for a coffee and discuss?" Safe and and also suggests you are interested in what she has to say. Then you will hopefully see more.
I think the text she sent is far too little and ambiguous to draw conclusions (or even make good guesses) about what might have been on her mind that triggered it. Here on this forum obviously we are very sensitive to any indication of an alcohol problem, but people who don't have such problems don't even think about it and might make jokes in this context or use it for teasing. I saw such behavior many times. From her text, there is no direct link or causality implied between the fact that she was drinking that night and the problem she mentions. Too misty. But like others also said, that's why it's also intriguing somewhat. Especially given that you kind of like this person.
If you find that it sticks in your mind, I would follow up maybe in a couple days, but definitely would not say that you thought she was reaching out about an alcohol problem. I would not even say I was worried, because that might make her uncomfortable if she did regret it. Just ask something relatively neutral and direct, eg. "Hey I've been thinking of you, how is everything now?" or "Interesting message you sent the other day. Wanna say more?"
And go from there.
You can choose to completely ignore her, but maybe then she will remain shy and you never find out. Maybe it's better to not know. One thing though: I remember you sharing with us here on SR how you feel lonely and would like to have more opportunities to meet attractive ladies... this may not be what you imagined, but in reality you just don't know... so perhaps it's also not the best to ignore something/someone that interests you, out of anxiety?
The one thing that would make me most concerned is what you said in the beginning, that she approached you sometimes before asking to get a beer, and you declined because of the type of invitation. Well, even if this lady is not an alcoholic, but if she really likes to have drinks involved in socializing and dates, you might always run into conflicts due to that. But again, if I were very curious, would not ignore it based on assumptions. Would maybe suggest an early afternoon date with coffee, not re: her drinks invitation but separately. Maybe something you could offer straight away in a couple days following up her text? "Wanna meet for a coffee and discuss?" Safe and and also suggests you are interested in what she has to say. Then you will hopefully see more.
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Thanks haennie. I think that part of me wanted this to be a cry for help. A good looking, successful girl reaching out because she has a problem too. We could be friends, have a relationship, discuss recovery and have a passionate sober romance! LOL.
In the clear light of the morning, I realize it's far more likely she was a few glasses deep and just spouting off.
I'm probably a bit vulnerable and naive as I dip my toes back into the dating scene. Part of me is going to look for a kindred spirit - I very much want someone who can "understand" my lifestyle. I have a perfect match in my head: but women like that don't grow on trees.
My latest foray into the dating world has proven that women still like me, and that I'm not a social freak. It's been nice to confirm that data for my own personal confidence. I think that I need to admit that was really all I was looking for with this round of dating. The discussions I've had with some women (they are looking for a life partner, someone to live with, a possible life-mate, etc) is wwwwaaaayyyy down the road for me. It's been refreshing to revisit this world and it makes me feel better that there are plenty of women still out there and I haven't missed the boat. But I am not ready for the drama that comes with anything more serious, and getting rolled into a situation with this particular woman on any level would be the wrong call.
In the clear light of the morning, I realize it's far more likely she was a few glasses deep and just spouting off.
I'm probably a bit vulnerable and naive as I dip my toes back into the dating scene. Part of me is going to look for a kindred spirit - I very much want someone who can "understand" my lifestyle. I have a perfect match in my head: but women like that don't grow on trees.
My latest foray into the dating world has proven that women still like me, and that I'm not a social freak. It's been nice to confirm that data for my own personal confidence. I think that I need to admit that was really all I was looking for with this round of dating. The discussions I've had with some women (they are looking for a life partner, someone to live with, a possible life-mate, etc) is wwwwaaaayyyy down the road for me. It's been refreshing to revisit this world and it makes me feel better that there are plenty of women still out there and I haven't missed the boat. But I am not ready for the drama that comes with anything more serious, and getting rolled into a situation with this particular woman on any level would be the wrong call.
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As an anon, from the other side, I would consider the text and other references/invitations to drink a HUGE red flag and would want nothing to do with this person.
Addiction is too crazy to flirt with.
Addiction is too crazy to flirt with.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
"I think that part of me wanted this to be a cry for help. A good looking, successful girl reaching out because she has a problem too. We could be friends, have a relationship, discuss recovery and have a passionate sober romance! LOL."
Yes I would agree it's probably how it was in your subconscious. It also fits with the masculine role: wanting to rescue the intriguing object of desire from a potential self destructive journey that you are familiar with... then have someone who understands you and with whom you can share yourself freely and without boundaries in sobriety...
You know, I would be surprised if every one of us in recovery did not have such thoughts and desires. I'm pretty early into it myself, but can honestly say, also coming to this board triggers such thoughts rather often, and my mind seems to know how to target them. Especially given that in my current 3D world, I'm trying to come to terms with the relationship I am in, that was started while I was heavily drinking, and thought it was wonderful... now with my sober mind I see many different aspects of it, including in my motivation and interest... and the whole construct does not seem like what it was before for a long time. So, lots of dilemmas, and of course those types of fantasies you also entertain all around it. I just try to keep myself calm consciously, but at the same time don't want to block any of these feelings because I don't think they are invalid. Just tell myself: let it all unfold and see where it leads.
"I have a perfect match in my head: but women like that don't grow on trees."
Also very similar thoughts here, plus I tend to think about myself that I have great instincts to detect such a "match" and the potential in it, and this instinct is usually pretty strong and confident in me. So, sometimes hard to resist when I perceive such potential, and again, I don't actually want to resist much, just give the whole thing time. No reason to rush. But yeah those instincts sometimes want us to react and go ahead straight, I now
See, all this (and the rest of what you said) is why I suggested to you a while ago on another thread, go ahead and meet women, but try not to focus on the dating aspect at first at least in action (of course you can't avoid the fantasies). Make friends, get to know them, explore. Those women that come into it with the crisp idea that they are looking for a serious relationship and want to test you that way may not be the best match for you at least right now, based on how you feel? Maybe something more relaxed and with open perspective?
Yes I would agree it's probably how it was in your subconscious. It also fits with the masculine role: wanting to rescue the intriguing object of desire from a potential self destructive journey that you are familiar with... then have someone who understands you and with whom you can share yourself freely and without boundaries in sobriety...
You know, I would be surprised if every one of us in recovery did not have such thoughts and desires. I'm pretty early into it myself, but can honestly say, also coming to this board triggers such thoughts rather often, and my mind seems to know how to target them. Especially given that in my current 3D world, I'm trying to come to terms with the relationship I am in, that was started while I was heavily drinking, and thought it was wonderful... now with my sober mind I see many different aspects of it, including in my motivation and interest... and the whole construct does not seem like what it was before for a long time. So, lots of dilemmas, and of course those types of fantasies you also entertain all around it. I just try to keep myself calm consciously, but at the same time don't want to block any of these feelings because I don't think they are invalid. Just tell myself: let it all unfold and see where it leads.
"I have a perfect match in my head: but women like that don't grow on trees."
Also very similar thoughts here, plus I tend to think about myself that I have great instincts to detect such a "match" and the potential in it, and this instinct is usually pretty strong and confident in me. So, sometimes hard to resist when I perceive such potential, and again, I don't actually want to resist much, just give the whole thing time. No reason to rush. But yeah those instincts sometimes want us to react and go ahead straight, I now
See, all this (and the rest of what you said) is why I suggested to you a while ago on another thread, go ahead and meet women, but try not to focus on the dating aspect at first at least in action (of course you can't avoid the fantasies). Make friends, get to know them, explore. Those women that come into it with the crisp idea that they are looking for a serious relationship and want to test you that way may not be the best match for you at least right now, based on how you feel? Maybe something more relaxed and with open perspective?
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I would have asked her if she needed a DD to get home safely. Everything else can be talked about later. Hopefully she made it home safe. Drunk driving accidents is just another way this disease kills us. Everybody understands that here im sure.
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
She seems like an active alcoholic and therefore it would be an extremely bad idea to get involved with her romantically especially for someone who is an alcoholic in recovery.
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Originally Posted by waynetheking
I would have asked her if she needed a DD to get home safely. Everything else can be talked about later. Hopefully she made it home safe. Drunk driving accidents is just another way this disease kills us. Everybody understands that here im sure.
Being the DD , is a good task .
It , helps us remember how foolish we acted .
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