bigsombrero

Just got a text from a woman I know - she's an old client of mine. Pretty, looks healthy, has her own business, etc. She's also expressed interest in getting together for a date in the past. But she always mentions "getting a beer" so I decline. She just texted me this on a Friday night:

"i'm at a client's party, free wine yay"

"i am A drunk"

"i have a problem and it's all smoke and mirrors baby"

This person does not know that I had a problem. She does not know anything about my drinking behavior - past or present. At least, I have no reason to suspect she knows anything. Part of me wants to reach out and help and tell her that I understand, it's okay, etc. But another part of me worries that this is just a joke. Perhaps she thinks it's just funny behavior?

I don't think I'll respond. What would you do?

biminiblue

I wouldn't respond.

She'll never remember tomorrow.

Mrmellow11

Ask her what time she is coming over

Dee74

I don't think I'd respond to a text.
If she's serious, I think she'll raise it again.

D

Carlotta

I d text back with something like: "Sounds like quite a party, but if you want to quit we could meet for coffee tomorrow and see what options are available out there for you".
and I d leave it at that.
If she contacts you tomorrow and go for coffee, then obviously she needs help and is serious (and I d breach my anonymity with her).
If she sent you the text by accident or is not desperate enough yet then she will not contact you or just text you back that she was joking and your anonymity won't have been broken

FeenixxRising

I would probably respond in some relatively innocuous fashion:

"Everything ok?
"Don't overdo it"
"Smoke and mirrors?"

But I do understand not responding. I don't know how close you are to this person, but I suppose I'd respond in the hopes she would txt back with more information. That way I might understand if she really does have a drinking problem. She could just have a good buzz and be embellishing. However, the "smoke and mirrors" comment would have piqued my interest had me a little concerned.

bigsombrero

Thanks. My gut tells me to leave this one alone. My curiosity is peaked, but I don't want it to get the best of me. I talked a lot to others about my sobriety early on and I regret it. While helping someone in need is always nice, I am not sure speaking with someone who is currently drinking wine via text is a good idea.

Carlotta

That's predatory behavior! BigSombrero is a gentleman from what I saw on SR and would not act like that.

Mrmellow11

Haha I know but if she is serious she will bring it another time she is sober if she really wants or needs help

fini

Possibly she's testing the waters for coming clean about a problem?
I might wait an hour or so and then text " let's chat tomorrow if you want to, about smoke and mirrors"
That way it's up to her to follow up if she wants to talk about what's going on when she' not drunk. And you have made the offer to reach out without getting involved tonight with drunken texter.

EndGameNYC

I'm with Dee and your gut. Let it go.

The very fact that she's piqued your interest with what seems like a bizarre text may indicate that she's an alcoholic, that she either knows about your problems with alcohol (or guessed that you struggle with it) and is reaching out, that she's crazy, that she's interested in you but is too anxious to come right out and say it, or that her anxiety around her feelings towards you causes her to be socially inept. Or none of the above.

If she's like you and me, she'll forget either that she texted you or the content of her text, check on it tomorrow, and then either follow up or hope that your phone was stolen, or that you were kidnapped by foreign nationals before you read it.

I love a good Hitchcock mystery.

Anyway, yeah, let it run its course. If it's making you crazy, you can always text her at another time. If she never contacts you again, you'll still think about it, but you won't have gotten yourself into a sticky situation. And the fact that she doesn't contact you again means that, whatever she was up to, she wasn't serious enough about it to contact you again.

Brian316

I'd say you are right to just not respond. I admit tho the smoke and mirrors thing did perk my interest as well. But best not to engage with a drunken texter.

anykey

Text her back- "we will talk sometime". She is most likely abit tipsy now. It may or may not mean she has a problem.

Jeni26

Well if it was me...I would leave it tonight, then text another time and ask her if she was ok and that you were concerned. I've actually done this quite recently with some messages I had from someone who was clearly drunk and wanting to reach out, but too scared to sober.

Who knows why she text you? We drunks are great at a bit of drunk texting aren't we? I was expert at it.

TigerLili

I have friends who say stuff all the time and I highly doubt they are alcoholics. They are just joking around.

Jsober

Tough to tell through a text the context of the message. Could be a joke or a cry for help. I would ask her later, when she's not drinking, what she meant by the text. Do it in person and you will be able to see if help is wanted.

jaynie04

Or she could be someone who never drinks who has a crush on you, and after two glasses of "free" wine she thought of you..

Her "problem" could be business related, or relationship related, losing her lease, (locked in a bathroom stall)….

Either way she will probably be mortified tomorrow. Maybe just a quick text tomorrow, "thinking of you, hope you're ok", so if she is doing the dreaded "OMG, I am going to die dance", at least she might reach out again.

anykey

There should be a copy of what she texted in the out box.

I once had a friend say I texted some stuff- sure enough it was on the outbox. Never take ambien and text.

bigsombrero

Yeah. Helping attractive alcoholics of the opposite sex who are actively drinking - that's not something I'm prepared to deal with. And if she's just playing around, that's not something I want to deal with, either.

Gonna let this one pass and move on with life. Looking forward to a nice early bedtime here and a nice sober morning downtown.

anykey

I agree on the opposite sex part. Yeah.