grubby

........ is the "violent" drinkers.

My dad was one of them, past a certain amount of drinks he would get really argumentative and try to start **** with my mom....... or anyone else that was around for that matter. I'd guess that past drink 7 or 8 he just turned into this........ this........ thing........... this demonic persona that seemed to take over my sober dad's body and mind, a COMPLETELY different side of him. WHenever i got close enough and tried to talk to him, i would see his glazed-over eyes............ and i realized at that moment that i was talking to an animal, not my dad.

I (unfortunately) have many bad memories from childhood involving being in my bedroom trying to go to sleep or playing video games and over-hearing my dad verbally tearing into my mom over in the kitchen. Over stupid stuff mostly, he really had no reason to be such a pr1ck....... i learned early-on the connection between alcohol and violence from such second and third-hand observations.

On a handful of occasions he actually did become violent, and the cops were called multiple times throughout my childhood if i recall correctly. He has multiple arrests for domestic violence, and my mom tolerated it all for 20+ years because in her words she was "scared" as she says.......... simply unbelievable and in-excusable.

I would file myself under the "rational" file, I am a very logical person. And so you can probably understand my utter dis-belief when my mom would tell us growing up "just put up with it" and "he'll calm down tommorrow" and "just wait til he goes to sleep". It just didn't make any sense, and still doesnt........ i would think to myself "why doesnt she just leave and get a nice guy?" and "why did she pick him anyway? why didnt she get a good one?".................. the solution always seemed so simple, to me anyways.

I think i have PTSD from such a looooooong exposure to such traumatic crap, it really is child abuse to be forced to grow up in such a hostile environment. I certainly seem to match a lot of the PTSD symptoms in adult life....... i am a very "serious" person a lot of people tell me, very cold emotionally. Lots of learned helplessness and similar feelings which i am still struggling with somewhat in adult life. I really wish more women would make better partner choices before-the-fact and think about...... you know........ "the children"........ so that such terrible experiences do not happen in the first place, but im not holding my breath on that.

But anyways, i just felt like venting a little tonight. Getting back on topic, i was just wondering what the community's thoughts are on this whole link between violence and alcohol.

why do some people get all violent and argumentative with alcohol while others dont? what causes this phenomenon?

i just dont understand it..........

EVen when i would get super smashed myself i just minded my own business and was really chill......... no "urge" to go start **** with people or pick fights with those around me. I was a "quietly happy" drinker, i would have my booze and then i would just get really lazy and happy for a few hours.......

Not during a single one of my drinking sessions did i get "angry" or "aggressive"........... actually, the whole reason i drank on a lot of days was to SEDATE feelings like those, feelings like "stress" and "anger".

Sorry to rant and ramble, but i just needed to speak my mind on this topic and get this off my chest......... it just boggles my mind, why do certain people literally become "caveman violent"? doesnt make much sense to me, i thought the whole point of alcohol was to feel "good"????? i guess with some people it reacts differently??/

karate

I think some of us were mad while sober ,and when drunk the ability to keep it in check was impossible .

A year ago ,if I had seen someone I did not like while drinking .
I would tried to get in a fight with them .

Ever heard the term "10 feet tall and bullet proof ".?

I infact did that several times ,as well as verbally abusing people too

If you are a little bit mad sober ,you are the devil while drunk .

From what I can tell ,its very common . In those with a problem

Drinking seems to amplify what you are feeling at the time ,Again this only applies to professional drinkers -imo

LBrain

Unfortunately a relative's husband was the same way. He's in jail now. Nicest guy ever when not drinking. But a violent drunk. I felt bad for the kid every time the cops had to come to the house and drag his dad away in handcuffs.

FeelingGreat

My mother wasn't physically violent, but even one drink would bring out her aggressive side, and worse, she would carry it on the next day sober. If she was gunning for you there was no way to avoid it. She never was someone who could express anger appropriately, and my theory is all the **** would come out when alcohol removed her inhibitions.
I wasn't an aggressive drunk, but I feel sorry for anyone who had to listen to my babbling.

tornrealization

I've had a few angry drunk nights.

People doing whippets in my apartment led to me popping all their bouncy balls they also brought in with a kitchen knife and an angry tirade. They suggested I switch it weed. My issue was Illegal drugs, but booze was ok (I was such a fool).

Hubby smoking cigarettes led to some very overly dramatic displays of anger, and to hell who was there to witness it, whilst drunk.

Thankfully, I usually was just happy, giddy, or passed out 99.99 percent of time.

Brother in law loves starting arguments whilst drunk just because. That sucks being around when sober. So stupid, but not angry drunk.

That doesn't answer your questions, I guess.

30yrdrunk

On some occasions I would become an 'angry' drunk. I think it stemmed from being the son of an alcoholic and being scared of my father. We are so vulnerable as children I hated feeling bullied by my Dad. He was really insecure and his one way of control was by physically and emotionally dominating his family. So here I am with two kids of my own trying to break the cycle. Alcohol is such a deadly, addictive poison. After many years of hiding from my problem I am finally addressing it.

Be well.

TC

Katsmeeyow

I don't know about violent, but I used to pick fights with my fiancée when I was drunk. There were a lot of things in our relationship at the time that I was upset about and when I was drunk I had no qualms whatsoever about bringing each thing up. We had poor communication as a couple (we've since worked on it and improved tremendously) so when I was drunk, I felt much more bold to tell him how I felt. Unfortunately it would come off very aggressive, and I would never be able to articulate myself properly of course.

I have a friend who was married to a very violet drunk. I do know he was also abused as a child. Very sad story.

sugarbear1

anger is fear

Gottalife

A psychiatrist tells me it is a characteristic of alcohol the drug. If you put a bunch of people in a room with enough booze, there will always be a fight, guaranteed. They don't have to be alcoholics. He was a guest speaker at a public meeting one of our groups held on the subject of family violence.

grubby

Funny you say that, he certainly didnt seem to have an ounce of "fear" in him when he went on his drunken borderline-violent tirades........... It was truly terrifying, he would yell at my mom in that i-want-to-hit-you-right-now-but-not-quite manner and was telling her some really hateful things, makes me sick to this day......... just unbelievable what some women are willing to put up with, i would NOT tolerate such a person for more than a day at the most - first problems they cause they would be OUT on the street no exceptions....... none of this "putting up with bad people" crap, i just dont believe in it or that "forgiveness" non-sense.

When i overheard him starting his crap in the kitchen i would do my best to stay out of sight and just avoid his attention if at all possible. The next day either he was back to normal or very hungover.

PurpleKnight

I definitely had my aggressive moments when drinking, mostly I was a friendly, bubbly, chat to anyone type drunk, fall asleep in the corner or pass out into bed drunk.

But on occasion if I was out somewhere and something/someone really annoyed me, or rubbed me up the wrong way, it was then that my confidence levels would be at an all time high, recklessly high.

Now I have never gotten into a fight or been kicked out of somewhere by bouncers, but have definitely pushed the boundaries of what I could get away with, stopping just before getting a black eye or broken nose.

I was always punching well above my weight, when it came to challenging or being aggressive towards others who could have killed me with their little finger.

My issue was too much confidence leading to stupidity, leading to recklessness!! never violent physically but through what I would say!!

karate

I went back and reread your post , one part where you said "After 7 or 8 drinks "

That right there signals a problem ,the average person would not drink that much in one day .

grubby

He is a life-long alcoholic, part of the reason i decided to quit....... that and the alcohol was just starting to become a distraction and i felt myself starting to lose control.

If i remember correctly only about half of the alcohol he drank was regular beer, the rest of the "drinks" usually consisted of those little single shot plastic bottles, he liked Jim Bean. On a typical evening he would have 3-5 regular beers and the rest was those little $2 mini-shot plastic bottles. Of course, on the nights where he got all p1ssy and argumentative, he drank much more and all bets were off........

caboblanco

i never was angry from drinking or got in a fight. some guys want to fight everytime they drink. My conclusion some people are just angry and some are not. Alcohol takes away the filter

Tamerua

You're not alone grubby. My dad was the same way, my mom finally left him when I was 12 and we stayed in various DV shelters.

I think it is fear. They are scared of everything, bottle it up and unleash it when the booze triggers the forgetter.

I was a talker and laugher when drunk and my last drunk, I turned into that crazy, angry, yelling psycho. I can even remember thinking that that wasn't the real me. Weird.

LindaLou

Years ago, I was the happy-go-lucky type of drunk. As time (and drinking) went on, I became increasingly angry an violent. Every time I had more than 1 or 2 (and of course ya can't have just 1!) I became "Evil Lin". It just happened, I don't know how, but the booze changed me. I can't control it so I don't drink.

Mrsbee

Same here...I never understood angry drunks....until I became one. I also became that person who weeps profusely when drunk. Never became that way until the last couple years of my drinking career. The tiniest things would cause me to blow up, like for example if my husband said he didn't care for a song I was listening to, I'd scream "$&@% YOU!!!" Right in his face, wind up like I was going to hit him (thank god I never went all the way and did it), slammed doors and cabinets, stomped as hard as I could through the house, threw things, and then would cry myself to sleep. So embarrassing and ridiculous. The next day I'd blame it on PMS or hormones...not the two bottles of wine or half a bottle of whiskey I'd consumed.

I just thank God for my sobriety and the fact that I've put that behind me...remembering those behaviors totally helps to keep me from picking up the bottle.

karate

I sure agree with that ,Bars are a great example of that .

Country bars in the south , are all I have been to . But it rings true in them

Katsmeeyow

Oh the crying!! I don't miss that either!

Armywife5137

I don't understand it but I am one. Not EVERY time I drank but there have been numerous times over the years. It is the only time I am violent and it is very opposite of my sober character. People would tell me after that it was like they could almost see the switch in my eyes and then it was on. Like jekyl and hyde or something. My husband even made up a name for my "alter ego" I have definitely been verbally abusive to family and friends..and random people. I would get in physical fights with random people, my mom and dad, I have attacked my husband (hit him in the head with an iron once) I have been arrested , kicked out of places...Said venomous evil things out of my mouth. I have yelled at my kids...been an over-all bitch. And I am nothing like that sober. I don't know why some people have this reaction to alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic, but never bothers anyone, just drinks daily, quietly, keeps to himself. My grandmother....physically and verbally abusive to her kids and would walk around the house stark naked and drunk off her ass. I don't know... All I know is that a lot of times when I would get violent it would be because I'd hear something with my drunk ears and take it the wrong way. I'd assume everyone was trying to argue with me or challenge me or something idk what the hell...I just didn't process things the right way. There is no excuse...I cant explain why it occurs. But it is shameful and embarrassing. Although it does provide me with CLEAR examples of why I should never drink.