sunrise1

Hey all, I'm posting here because this forum gets more traffic, and because I'm interested in possible alternatives.

I have a friend who just "came out" as an alcoholic to me a few days ago. For reasons I will not say here, it is critical that he keep his recovery from work. Therapy is out, meetings are out. He wants to white-knuckle it.

I spoke my truths to him: AA is what worked for me. I couldn't do it on my own, and I just have this feeling that he cannot either. But is it possible to have a "sponsor" of sorts and work the steps without attending meetings?

If I had it my way he'd of course be doing it in some fashion that involved outside help. Opinions welcome here- not just those supporting AA, but anything that will be helpful to this guy in the way of a solution.

Thanks in advance, s

yeahgr8

I tried to stop lots of times without real life help. It didn't work out well for me at all! I don't know anyone who would be better off without support and other people in their lives.

huntingtontx

When I came here I was in a body brace and could not leave the house. SR is my support. I have always had a lot of support and help here. I know there is AA online too. A person has to want to be sober more then they want to drink. No support can do that for them. Good luck to your friend.

sugarbear1

There are specific meetings for certain jobs that are highly anonymous

there are also other methods for staying stopped

whatever works, do it and do it well

breath

I don't know! Sounds crazy to me. I think, from my personal experience that it's impossible to get sober on one's own. What your friend is hoping for is kind of like wanting to take a shower without getting wet. I'm not being sarcastic or anything, just real. Unless you are in a position as huntingtotx was in, I'd be reaching out. And realistically, if anyone gets fired over addiction, that's just a lawsuit waiting to be won, something I had a shot at and missed.

LadyinBC

Well, he won't know if this will work for him unless he tries it. Trying it this way is better than not trying it at all. Just my opinion.

I couldn't do it on my own either, but people have to find what works for them and figure it out on their own.

CAPTAINZING2000

Is it possible for him to go to out of town meetings?

biminiblue

Lots of people on this forum and outside this forum have successfully stopped drinking without AA or therapy or rehab.

He has to work his own sobriety. Let him do that. It's not up to you.

Eddiebuckle

I think it's possible to "do" AA this way, but it's not a correspondence course. The more and broader feedback he exposes himself to, the better. Trying to have a single person act as sponsor/meeting sounds like an incredible commitment. Trying to do it solo would never be enough for me.

tomsteve

is it possible to get sober using AA without meetings and a sponsor? in the beginning of AA, after the big book was published, there were people in parts of the country that got sober with only the big book and correspondence with other people in recovery through the mail.
does it happen today? im sure it does.maybe you can get him a copy of the big book and let him read it and see how he feels about the program.

RobbyRobot

Sure, if the Big Book is the text followed, and the sponsor has and enjoys success with AA program, then why not? I would say though that eventually giving back at meetings, working program with others, etc would be helpful whenever it could be done.

There really is no requirement for meetings or a regular schedule of meetings for working the steps. What is required is the steps of course, and a well qualified sponsor to help with practicing those steps until the sponsee can do for well enough for themselves.

fini

I got sober using an online forum at LifeRing to connect daily and was lucky enough to have one face to face meeting available to me for my first year or so.
While there in that first year, I met my real-life sober pal M who had at that point been sober for seven years solely by connection on the LR email-list.
He is now at fourteen years,I am into several.
Of course it is possible.
Any group or organization had many at the start who did it without the meetings and the format that is available today.
Connecting with others in this endeavor was and is important to me, but it doesn't need to mean face to face only.
And that does not mean white knuckling is a side effect, either.
Nor, conversely, would going to daily meetings preclude it.
Outside help also includes having you around. Clearly he trusted you with this.

LBrain

He has you. ???

sunrise1

Thank you all for your input so far! It's really appreciated.

I think he may like the idea of an online forum, where he could be completely anonymous.

I'll also continue to encourage him to move forward with a program with face-to-face support of some kind. Could I sponsor him? Sure. I feel as qualified as I'm ever going to be. It would be better if he found another guy closer to where he lives, but I'd do it as opposed to no help at all.

I just don't want to be his sole lifeline and the only person he can reach out to for help. Other people are likely to have tools I don't, and combined we're stronger than one of us alone. I'm happy to help wherever I can but he will have a need for a real sponsor to pick up where I leave off.

Should I work with him until he is comfortable with the idea of a sponsor?

Thanks again, s

Gottalife

I agree with Robbyrobot and Tomsteve. "Though you be but one man with this book..." " we believe it contains all you will need to make a beginning." This his how AA got started in my country.

One suggestion I would have is that you work with him on the basis described in "Working With Others"

At the present time he probably does not realise the seriousness of his condition and therefore believe he does not need to go to the same lengths the rest us had to. Spend time with him on a 12 step carrying the message basis, and work with him on the first and second steps.

If you can help him understand exactly what powerless means for alcoholics of our type, the absolute hopelessness of the alcoholic condition and then bring him to a state of willingness to believe that a power greater than himself could restore him, like it has you, then he may view the whole meetings proposition differently.

"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics" and therefore don't want to do what we need to do. If you can help him see the truth of his situation, he may have a different view.

Remember though, we do what we can but the result is in Gods hands.

yeahgr8

Examples of people with long term sobriety (5 years plus) on SR who have done this without any of the above or any outside help at all please?

Obviously not looking for examples where the person has no choice about this, I.e incarcerated, paraplegic etc. mind you even then I would like to hear the example anyway:-)

RobbyRobot

There are no hard rules. I do suggest though that you'll do best with you being in well in charge of your pre-sponsorship responsibilities and practices, while he can be in charge of being a sponsee. I don't recommend you let any sponsee call the shots for how and when you time your sponsorship inter-actions. Do your level best to take your sponsee through the steps as quickly as your both able. Its really up to YOU nonetheless, and not your sponsee, how long your commitment is but it should last long enough to complete the steps with you, or until your sponsee has good opportunity to practice with a new sponsor. Comfort levels really haven't much to do with those choices, imo.

Great questions btw, sunrise!
Your friend is indeed fortunate.

silentrun

SR IS outside help. I have gone a year sober with SR. A person needs support though.

zjw

i did the first year with no support. so I guess it can be done. but i'm not going to say it was easy by any means. Honestly i'm a moron for not doing AA or something. Tho I have to wonder how committed I ever woulda been to AA but I know it would have helped me.

IOAA2

I would suggest he get to listen to conference AA speakers, some of which concentrate on the steps. Very informative and many are free.

BE WELL