GreenColor

I was only on day 12 and my girlfriend broke up with me because "I wasn't fun and was too serious" after I stopped drinking. It's like an Onion article. I knew I would have to find a way to deal with unfortunate situations, but this came too soon after I decided to quit drinking that disgusting venom. I bought a fifth of cheap vodka toxin, drank half of it, then realized what I was doing and poured the rest down the drain. I'm not going to start counting tomorrow as day 1. It will be day 14. How have others dealt with their first major depressing life event after they quit drinking?

kittycat3

Go for a walk / run or do some other exercise. Call a friend or family member. Read a book, watch a movie, come here. If you were honest with yourself, would you say drinking solves any problem? Not in my mind it doesn't. It postpones having to deal with it and only adds fuel to the fire. Any girlfriend like that sounds like a good thing to lose, so congrats on dodging that bullet. Dust yourself off and keep it up.

Dee74

I'm sorry GreenColour - I know break ups are hard. Drinking might seem like the answer but it doesn't solve anything.

It just puts everything on hold - when you sober up you either need to drink again, or deal with the feelings.

It's actually quicker and I think easier to deal with the feelings.

For what its worth - anyone who doesn't appreciate the real you is probably best let go anyway.

D

FeelingGreat

Hi Greencolour, it must have been really discouraging to you, but is she really the woman for you? Recovery often involves moving away from people who encourage our addictions.
I'm glad you eventually rose above your hurt and poured the vodka, and it's great that you've come onto SR to vent. Stay strong, you've done the right thing to get back on track.

GreenColor

I rationally went through the list of all the harm drinking would do in this situation compared to the temporary relief. Unfortunately, emotion sometimes gets the better of me. Thank you all for the support!

Gottalife

My natural default was to drink no matter what happened, good needs celebrating, bad needs drowning, boring needs a party.

A common pattern among new and not so new to sobriety folks that just stop drinking without doing anything else is that things go fine for a while. Perhaps there are cravings and temptations but these ease off after a bit, and we think we are doing o.k.

Then something bad happens (that's life) and we stumble and fall, returning to our default just as you did.

My solution was to work a program and have what is called a conversion experience, a complete change of attitude sufficient to overcomes alcoholism. The I maintain that state by helping others like me from time to time. It's not a full time job you understand. Since that time I have not needed to drink no matter what. It has not occurred to me as a solution. Here are some of the events that might have tripped me up.
At 6 weeks sober I returned to work to find I had been fired and all my gear had been stolen.

At about 8 or 10 weeks I was kicked out of a sick relationship.

My cat was run over and died.

I had a cancer scare

My father died

My sponsor died

My wife of nearly 20 years died after a long and intense illness

Last year my best friend died in similar circumstance to my wife.

Right through all of these trials I continued to spend a little time helping my fellow alcoholics. That is the solution that works for me.

None of these things caused me to drink because it was never outside circumstances that made me drink in the first place.

My problem was alcoholism and with proper treatment, there is no need to drink.

roguedreams

Hey! Welcome to the un-fun and way-too-serious forums! LOL. Listen, you did the next right thing. That's kick-A. You rock!

You sound like you got a hold on those niggling emotions. Keep on keeping on. And posting here helps too

matt4x4

So did you relapse? or was this a controlled drinking or moderation "expiriment". Its not a race, its not a contest. When we sober up, things change, relationships change, there are more fish in the sea, just cast another lure out into the ocean and catch another fish. Its not the end of the world. You didnt need your partner anyway.

IOAA2

Wonderfully stated on how it works!

BE WELL

Sulu1

GreenColor I've had the same thing. My partner didn't like my drinking but also found me boring and too serious when I tried to stop.

About three weeks ago she tried to break up with me which set me on numerous benders I'm just recovering from now. We seem to have worked things out now but I'm so darn sensitive so I also need to learn how to deal with tougher times in life.

GunnyL

I spent a lot of time alone, in my own head, and forced myself to continually re-examine the reasons why I was NOT going to succumb to alcohol this time around.

Minus the long version and reasons why and why not, I'm better off where I am now and getting away from her was probably the most important part of it. Her intolerance, negativity and emotional manipulation was more dangerous and hurtful to me in the long run than missing her for a while has been.

Not an answer, just food for thought.

GreenColor

I'm recovering from a terrible hangover. Yet another reminder why I stopped drinking that filthy rotten garbage. Thanks Mike and Matt and everybody else for their posts!

Today I will drink delicious ice water and send an email or 2 to some friends I lost when I was drinking.

roguedreams

Sounds like a great game plan! There was a thread on here somewhere about all the "gifts we unwrap" when we're sober. I severely neglected my true, ("boring" ) friends when I was drinking. Now I'm in the process of unwrapping the gifts of their friendship ... being drunk has NOTHING on that kind of feeling!! I'm so grateful, and humbled, that they're still there for me, regardless of how I dropped the ball on them. Oof, tough pill of pride to swallow, lol.

roguedreams

PS - here's the thread, if you'd like

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ng-unwrap.html

azbluesgal

well, congrats - it totally BLOWS the totally powerless theory doesn't it? Hey, half effort is better than none. Next time, buy it, take it home, and pour it directly down the crapper without tasting. Sound symbolic? Maybe, but remember - what pours it down your throat or not is your MIND...not ready availability. Good for you.

30yrdrunk

GC,

I know it hurts right now but if she is going to cut and run that easily she simply isn't worth it. The best is yet to come. Good things are going to happen for you.

TC

Dee74

Maybe not buying it at all is an even more powerful message?

D