Carbonite

On the way home from work today, I was sitting on the metro feeling my usual afternoon cravings when I saw this guy that I vaguely know that lives in my neighborhood. Nice guy. Also a homebrewer. Definitely not an alcoholic by any stretch. As we were chatting, I thought to myself, "PLEASE, ask me if I want to come over for a beer or go to the bar, because I will say yes. I just need one excuse." I am very good at manipulating people into getting drunk with me. By doing this, I can mask the fact that I am an alcoholic. As long as I don't do that with any one person too often, they remain clueless (though I'm pretty sure my brother knows). Great skill, huh?

Anyways, he fortunately didn't ask and I walked home without detouring to the bar. It's scary how very precarious this sobriety thing is. I'm trying to be disciplined, but sometimes I feel like I'm hanging on by a very thin thread. In the mornings I feel great and am so glad I didn't drink the night before, but in the evening, all I want is to get drunk. I do all the mental tricks of fast forwarding to the next morning or remembering the bad times, but that does little to curb my desire. Just trying to get through the worst of this and hope that it gets easier soon.

Anywho, sorry for the lengthy most. Just needed to get that off my chest.

Altoids

Yay for you for making the right decision to NOT go to the bar. I have days like that. They just suck. Knowing that if I give in, that life will suck a whole lot more, though, makes just one sucky day okay. Glad you got it off your chest. That helps me, too. Hope you're feeling better by now.

Dee74

Do you have any other support besides SR Carbonite?

D

Carbonite

Other than my wife, no I do not have any other support. She tries, but there's no way she can understand what this is like. I've been thinking about trying to find a secular group in my area.

matt4x4

Well cravings only come after you have taken a drink. So you give into the lie that your brain is feeding you, which is the obsession of the mind. The allergy of the body, happens only when you take a drink, hence the cravings happen. Basic fundamental information. Everything is based out of thought. What we think, is how we feel and act. Change the way you think, changes the way you feel and act. This is why most everything in life is purely mental, its in your brain. And when it comes to alcoholism or drugs, it all centres in the brain and what we think. I do not know why people always say they got cravings, when they havent taken a drink, it just seems like a lot of people think that way. It doesnt really matter, you can think the sky is green and live the rest of your life that way. But to know the truth, the correct information is soooo crucial.

FeelingGreat

Hi Carbonite, that was touch and go. Your sobriety depended on someone else, not yourself. I'm glad you got out of it without drinking. It might be useful to think about how you would handle this type of situation in the future. Maybe phone someone, change carriages, practice the word 'no' in your head, or even raise the topic that you're no longer drinking.

Anyway, huge congrats for coming this far. Keep it up.

Admiral

This is true, and I think ignoring this led me to many seemingly random failures that I couldn't explain at the time. My drug of choice was marijuana, I'd quit smoking and go for a period of time, and then I'd get really bad cravings again and would start to use. Two years ago I went five months without using, and then one night I went to a friends house and had a couple of drinks, didn't even get drunk. A few weeks later I picked up again. This last fall I quit for a period of time, then decided I wanted to start drinking beer on the weekend, shortly after I picked up again. Went for another long stretch last summer and ended up smoking a doobie while on vacation, guess what happened when I came back?

I'm just shy of 100 days sober today and so far the obsession has not returned. I'm convinced that as long as I stay completely clean, I won't ever have to experience that madness again, and I think that it's important to realize the difference. The "Cravings" that I get now are weak, I can handle them. The obsession felt almost impossible to tame the last time I felt it, and honestly, I can't say I've ever really succeeded in controlling it. Once I take a drink or a puff off a spliff, I have to ride the train until it stops.

It doesn't seem like people really differentiate between long term thoughts of using, and that initial obsession that comes directly from using. It would be interesting to hear other peoples thoughts on it.

Dee74

Is this one of those semantic arguments?

D

DancingDiva

I too sometimes put my sobriety into another's hands. I make a deal with myself - I won't ask them to happy hour, but if they ask me, I can go. Strange stuff. I'm bargaining with myself, but I'm the only one who loses if I drink. Good for you for steering clear and staying sober!

matt4x4

Facts

GreenColor

Ugh, when I get a craving I try to remember that alcohol tastes like absolute crap. Would anybody drink it if it didn't contain that toxin? That toxin kills cells on contact and you can even develop callouses in your mouth from it. I think a lot of people fool themselves into thinking it tastes good by describing the myriad beverages with lots of adjectives. I know I did.

yeahgr8

I've no idea what secular is about but if you want to find a bunch of atheists that know exactly what you are talking about go to an AA meeting.

sugarbear1

we have over 1200 meetings in the CD/MD?VA area filled with mostly (I said "mostly") atheists.......

the support is phenomenal!

beckys

I have had to learn to hear my urges to drink as another voice in my head and ask myself why I want it...usually it's a stupid reason, and if I say it out loud it sounds stupid, and I can tell myself no.

mick3580

It sounds like you are assuming the the OP is operating with aa's description of alcoholism. This may not be so.