kenkd

I talked to my old sponsor a few weeks ago. He told me alcoholism is all about pain. When the drinking causes too much pain, we will seek the program.
If we do not embrace the program, the pain of sobriety will become too great and we will seek alcohol.

He was right. I came to the program about 6 years ago at the age of 40. I managed to stay sober for about 2 1/2 years. ....but that is all I did....stayed sober. I didn't really work the program.
For the past 3 years I have been struggling. A head full of AA and a belly full of whiskey Iis a bad combination. Drinking was no longer my solution....It didn't take away my pain any longer. The pain became greater. I am what they call a high functioning alcoholic. ...but that is all I've been doing for the last 3 years. Just functioning.
Kept trying to quit....but not really. A few days here, a month there....you know the drill.
But the pain won't go away.

I am 24 hours sober today. I want my life back. I want to live again. To truly live, to be a member of the human race. To be helpful to others. To be the kind of person I was long ago....A friend that a friend would love to have. A good husband. A good father. A good man.

I want the pain to go away.

Butterfly

I wish you all the best in your recovery. The fact that you want all these things is a good start. Remember what it is you want when your are struggling with wanting a drink remember your wife and children. I wish my husband had reached this point

Good luck and stay strong.

karate

Work on your own problems , and all of life gets better .

I just could not take being mad all the time , went to anger mgt
It helped a lot .

yeahgr8

Go to back to AA and do what is suggested this time: Work the steps with a sponsor and recover from alcoholism.

zjw

Climb out of the hole dust yourself off and try again. Sounds like you got the right idea. I think you can do this. I think every attempt we can learn something a new trick to have up our sleeves to beat this thing.

Ya know you trip and fall a few times you learn to watch where your walking. I think you got this.

adee

Welcome back to the fight. The fight of your life. The fight for your life. I had a similar path to where I am today and I'm finding that it is a completely different program the second time around, when you are truly all in. For whatever reason I wasn't ready the first time around. It's different now that I'm ready and willing. Best to you.

sugarbear1

glad you are getting sober again!

can ya get past step 7?

IOAA2

Hi. Unfortunately for many of us it's difficult to become disciplined in a new, for us, way of life. I wanted the softest easiest way out of the pains I created instead of following the suggestions that were given. I don't suffer well so I escaped into the insane thinking of an alcoholic and felt I'm different. Boy what an eye opener I got, at last. I needed to get sober for me first. In order to do that I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking and follow suggestions of those who were successful. Perhaps the most important thing was I needed to KEEP COMING even when I didn't want to and hear the words "it works IF WE WORK IT."
BE WELL

Treerat66

Hi kenkd, welcome to SR.

kenkd

Thanx to all.

It is a battle.....One that I must win.

RevivingOphelia

Welcome Kenkd.

aasharon90

Your sponsor like my own, has shared
lots of great wisdom freely with you
just as im sure his did with him. Where
else can we get free suggestions and
guidance to help us learn to stay sober
or clean for a day at a time than from
our sponsors or within the fellowship
of recovery.

The seed of recovery has been planted
in you and now it needs to be fed with
useful tools and knowledge of recovery
in order to grow and mature into a
healthy, happy and honest person you
can be.

Listen....Learn....Absorb....Apply

Admit.....Acceptance.....Believe

SouthernBe11e

Thank you for sharing, kenkd. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hevyn

We're glad to have you with us kenkd. I think SR will be a huge help to you. You're among friends who truly understand what you're going through.

FeenixxRising

I wish you well Ken, but I never found pain in sobriety and I don't embrace AA. Hopefully recommitting and thoroughly working the Steps will help. If that doesn't work, there are other options available to achieve a happy sober life. I would think that after 6 years of using AA you would have seen tangible results. You may want to consider the old adage of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

kenkd

I was only going to AA for almost 3 years, and very sporadically after that. I never truly did the work, although I didn't drink for over 2 years.

My definition of insanity has changed. After being exposed to the program, then going back out for 3 years drinking, knowing what was going to happen each time I did, caused me to rethink it.

Insanity.....doing the same thing over and over, KNOWING that you are going to get the SAME screwed up result.

FeenixxRising

I do wish you well Ken. Hopefully, full commitment to working the program and working the Steps will give you the sobriety you desire. However, if you find that doesn't work, please don't despair. There are other options and many roads to sobriety.

KateL

Welcome xxxx

Dee74

Welcome Ken

SR helped me turn my life around and get rid of my pain - I know we can help you do the same

D

Jaye

Hi kenkd

Welcome to SR. I am (very) new here myself, but was touched by your post. I can relate so much to wanting the pain to "go away". I don't really 'know' sobriety, so cannot really comment on pain found there. But pain in addiction/alcoholism ... yes. There is a lot of help and support available here on this site. I am already finding that posting (and keeping posting!) is helping greatly. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you, so that you are able to lead a happy and comfortable sober life. Again, welcome.

Jaye