GunnyL

I guess it starts with the end of my marriage. That's when I began progressing from social drinker on weekends to a half pint every night. I ran a political message board and would drink and goof off on the board. That's how I met my GF. Our relationship progressed, friends at first. We met. Two years later I was on her doorstep. I thought she was perfect. By then, my drinking was definitely at problem drinker level.

She wanted me to stop and I tried. I had no idea what I was doing. I was quitting over and over but would start right back up. She of course would get frustrated because she couldn't fix it.

Everything changed last summer. I had stopped drinking in Apr and the dr put me on paxil for anxiety. Bad move. I soon slipped back to old habits and paxil and bourbon DON'T mix. I came to two weeks later as they were putting on the cuffs for disorderly conduct and apparently I had one Hell of a two week run. I don't remember a minute of it. First time that ever happened.

So I was serious. I actually quit from Aug until the end of Nov. In the meantime, she had joined an organization that allegedly provided support for family members of alcoholics (I STILL wasn't one yet). I looked at what she was preaching and her behavior toward me and told her it would be the end of us. "Help" was teaching her intolerance and to build walls.

Nov was when I finally went to AA for help. I'd tried it on my own long enough and sheer force of will wasn't working. I was still a sort of half-stepping member, thinking I was anything BUT alcoholic. Until New Years when I tried to have just one. That, and choosing the big book as my reading material while I detox'd (yet again) set me straight on just who and what I was. But that incident, while needed by me, was one too many for my GF. I could see it, just didn't want to believe it.

Two weeks ago was the last straw. But I needed THAT one too. It was the worst time I ever had, I can say that. But I learned the answer to the last question I had: why drink? It's my coping mechanism for emotional hurt. I was never taught in my world to deal with that in a healthy way because such nuances as emotions weren't authorized. At least until they catch up to you.

So, here I sit in my daughter's living room back at home, being over-protected from the rest of the world . A lot wiser and a lot sadder. My GF was my best friend for close to 5 years. I'm having a harder time dealing with that than I am staying sober right now.

awuh1

Gunny, It may seem like small consolation now, but I found that as I put sobriety first, things seemed to fall into place. I trusted that by doing the next right thing, that things would turn out for the best. Events have not gone according to my plans, or my expectations. They have gone much better than I could have planned. What I thought were insurmountable setbacks have proved to be the impetus for even better things afterward. Trust the process. I think if you're like most of us, you'll be amazed at just how good it can get.

GunnyL

I'm not feeling real unique, but it IS me.

I'm not really stalking this board either. A friend from another board referred me here (no idea who he is) and I'm just clinging onto something I know at least won't hurt me.

I wasn't ready to come back to this city but circumstances dictated. I can get in a LOT of trouble here if I let myself. The memories of this place are one big party.

But I made it through the day sober. I'm okay with that.

IOAA2

Hi. I and many had a difficult time until we accepted certain things we didn't like. I, in spite of all the signposts didn't want to be an alcoholic and too many times tried to prove I wasn't. Finely someone made it easier for me by suggesting I look at it simply that I could not drink in safety, mine and others. That made sense to me because of my past happenings.