queenofheartz09

Sounds just like me! I also have a family and hobbies but when I sit down to relax all I want is booze and a lot! It's not worth it and I know it's a struggle but is rather be happy. I'm thinking of drinking matcha green tea when I want to relax instead. It's supposed to help take away stress.

jdooner

I wish I could articulate what it is like when you break through to the other side. It has taken me seven plus months and tons of hard work. In the beginning it was just about not taking that drink and holding on. Later it became more about peeling the layers of me back. More recently it has been about developing a faith and a total psychic change. The peace and serenity is frankly amazing. IF I could bottle this sensation up it everyone would be addicted to it - Aldous Huxley's Soma in the truest form and you have it inside you. You just don't know how to access the goods yet. The first step is breaking up with this toxic relationship you have with alcohol and unshackling the abject slavery that will become your life, if your like me.

Your truth is getting much response because we have for the most part all been there. We are all addicts/alcoholics. What you write about is the early realization that you have or are becoming addicted to a substance of behavior. Addiction (including alcoholism) is a one way street, in my opinion. It is this way because of your pathology in your brain. Once damage has occurred you are at the mercy of your addiction in my opinion. This is why a heroin addict will continue to shoot up despite lesions, abscesses, amputations. Its the warm blanket or bear hug sensation I describe when I took my first drink. I chased this feeling for twenty plus years risking everything in my life including my family. Mine started with alcohol but then progressed to Ritalin, Aderall, and Cocaine combined with alcohol.

Breaking from these shackles has been the single most important thing I have or ever will do in my life! Keep posting and welcome.