Brian316

Thank you all for the responses. Good discussion we have gotten going and I really appreciate you all and these boards. I will take it one step further because I am selfish and bring out something else. The counseler also said we drink because we do not like ourselves and we want to be someone else. I am going to open up here a bit. I always wanted to be someone else. And many times I did not like myself. I had a lot of things that in hindsight I think were big contributors to my alcoholism. Need for acceptance yeah sure. Selfish and fearful that too. But how can people go through much worse than I ever did and not become alcoholics. How does some rich dude with more money than he'll ever spend and hot chicks falling all over him become an alcoholic and end up in rehab? I think there are psychological factors but I also prescribe to what's said in Deeker's link. The spiritual malady. What helps me now is working with other alcoholics. Being honest. Prayer. Meetings. Helping others. I really meant this to be a hypothetical topic. And I think it may help newcomers to know they aren't alone if they wonder how they got where they are.

silentrun

I don't think I hated myself at the outset. I sure got that way during. It still baffles me that I let it get that far. So there must be something different about my brain than normal people because doing what I did makes no sense. What does self-willed mean? Stubborn?

jdooner

Brian - As a child I had severe and the worst trauma. I have a darkness inside, which is why I drank and used. Sobriety did not solve my problems. In fact, sobriety made them worse. I have been in intense recovery working on my own issues, part of which is forgiving myself for the hatred I carried most of my life and the suicide I was slowly attempting over time. It is now clear that I repeated the traumatic cycles over and over in a self harming way.

Having early childhood trauma does not mean you have to be an alcoholic or a drug addict. Addiction comes in many forms. Look at how many obese people are walking around. Smokers, sex addicts, foodies, workaholics, gamblers, addiction to shopping (do women really need that many shoes). So just because you don;t have an IV stuck in your arm, crack pipe by your feet or empty 2L bottle of vodka by your feet does not mean you have escaped addiction. Again this is my experience and opinion but I think I can back this up.

Good for you in your honesty and service. For me I find three core tenants associated with my recovery: Honesty, Willingness, Openness. I don't lie anymore. I am willing to do whatever to stay sober and that does mean whatever. I am open to being wrong and not having all the answers. This has also meant opening up spiritually.

myheartaches

I'm not sure what I think about the AA's description, mostly because I don't find it very forgiving, however, I do believe we are individually responsible for our alcoholism.

I do believe that factors which determine one an alcoholic from one who is not troubled by drinking are likely related to emotional, physical, mental and even spiritual traumas, and therefore, we are left with feelings of isolation from the rest of the world, and likely alcohol does give a false impression that we are normal, confident, sexy and loved for a time being.

I do believe that with the long termed use of alcohol, the alcohol causes us to be more selfish, and less cognizant to the well being and concern for others, and that characterizes the alcoholic as selfish.

In addition to that, the longer we use alcohol, the more damaging it becomes, and the further and further we go down into a black hole where we cannot seem to see light. That's when we likely fear life without the abuse of a substance to get us through everyday. It takes strength and self love and unconditional support before we can do the healing.

matt4x4

Can be a couple different things. It could very well be genetics, there could be a gene that is passed on through the generations. Could be a learned activity, through social factors. One thing I do know is that once a pickle, can never go back to a cucumber. There could very well be a line that one crosses, who really knows, only God I guess. I never felt love or acceptance in my drinking days. Felt more like destruction and damage. Hatred of everything. No love except for the liquid courage. Just didnt want to feel. Dont know what kinda degrees it takes to become a counsellor, if its anything like a "financial advisor" all you do is pass an online test and pay a fee.

EndGameNYC

If this were the case, then most people on the planet would be alcoholics or addicts.

Many people do get the love and attention they need, but either aren't aware of or are not prepared for the responsibilities that come with that love. Having strong feelings for someone is not enough to make a relationship work, particularly for those of us who believe that what brings us together is generally not the same thing(s) that keeps us together.

Poor oxytocin development could be to blame for alcohol and drug addiction - Medical News Today