matrac

We start out drinking for many reasons...recreation, relaxation, social acceptance, and sometimes to escape...but over time it becomes a routine, a way of life, a physical and psychological need, and likely the primary way we cope with stress. Chronic pain sufferers become addicted to pain killers in the same way I think. When and why for some does the use of alcohol become problematic? I think the answer may be as unique as individuals are and iin various stages and circumstances in their lives are and this is why it's so hard to stop addictions. I also believe that you learn something about your addiction every time you try to quit. It will always be hard to quit, but you can stop.

AAnoob

Thanks Dee,
I am definitely gonna do 90 days,
actually I am aiming for a year of sobriety before considering "moderate drinking" and by "moderate" I mean 1 or 2 beers a month.

Part of my motivation is that I was born with hepatitisB, so for health reason, i should be staying away from alcohol. (plus it's good idea to stay away from alcohol when dealing with depression and anxiety and taking anti-depressants.)

I also forgot to mention that what triggered my depressive episode was getting off my anti-depressant (broke and cant afford them, finally got on medical now)

If I am back on my meds AND in a stable mood, I don't really fear the thought of having an occasional beer. (and my pain issue has improved, thank god..)

Like I said, it's just hard to relate sometimes in AA meetings because I haven't met anyone with such light drinking as me,* but I relate to guys dealing with depression/anxiety issues. Overall, it's a positive experience.
It's like group therapy for me.



* that is one of the criticisms of AA in my internet research is the lack of
info/advice for "alcohol abusers" vs "alcoholics"

from wiki,


anyways, enough typing from a guy that could never finish a six pack of beer.... ;-)

Tamerua

For me, it is a symptom of a greater issue and that issue has been my own ostrich like behavior. Have a problem? Ignore it, bury my head in the sand. I am lucky in that I didn't start drinking badly until my late 20s so I can see that behavior from my late teens to my mid 20s. In my AA experience, they have said the same thing, but I only say that to demonstrate that it can be different for everyone.

Dee74

Hey AAnoob

thanks for explaining a little more.

I'm not actually an AAer myself, so I can't speak to that...I just decided I didn't want die this young, lol, and SR helps me maintain my recovery commitment.

To me tho Volume is not the greatest indicator of a problem.

I know guys who drank way more than me and who'll never identify as alcoholics...and I know guys who drank less than me ho died from their drinking.

To me, its what happens to you when you drink that's the crux of the matter.

If you're not happy with any aspect of that, then you have a problem as real as anyone's elses, in my opinion

D

AuntieSoso

That's Mr. SoSo's thoughts on it as well. While I didn't drink the quantities that it sounds like others here have, I was drinking more and more often than I wanted to be, I couldn't seem to stop myself, I felt physical problems . . . all of these together were enough to tell myself that I had a problem that I wanted to get a hold of.

As far as if alcohol is the problem or a symptom of the problem - good question. I started drinking in college because, well, that's what you do, right? Alcohol made me feel like I could socialize and not feel like a loser, it made more social, more friendly, more outgoing, and I had fun. Then after college, it made me feel more "adult." Then I worked in the high-tech industry and we had beer at work and so it was again a social thing. Then after I got married, it was actually something that I used to bond with my parents on an adult level. Then I used alcohol to relieve stress. For whatever reason, it has always been there, like a friend.

Do I have deep-seated issues that I use alcohol to cover? I don't know, actually. It became such a habit that I think that was the hardest part of quitting - having a glass of wine while cooking dinner, beer with pizza, "beer nap" as Mr. SoSo and I would call having a beer with lunch and then having a happy nap in the afternoon.

I suppose alcohol helped me dull and blur feelings of anger that I struggle with. It made me happier . . . which is what it seems to do for my father. While I have pain from a dysfunctional family, I didn't have any huge issues that I tried to cover up with alcohol.

wildcat522

I can only speak for myself, but I know that my drinking was a symptom and a manner of self-medication for much deeper-seated problems.

I had the same experience of being told different things by different people. I think that was not only because of the wide variety of resources and professionals I consulted, but also due to the complex nature of having layer upon layer of emotional darkness on top of the binge drinking. It's hard to get an accurate diagnosis with so many issues going on at the same time.

I don't know if all alcoholics have deeper problems that lead to addiction, but my hunch is that many do. I've also seen a lot of evidence that it is genetically inherited in some cases, regardless of personality types or disorders.

And I would disagree that "character flaws" (a term which I'm not fond of to begin with) are all our fault, according to the person you quoted. Many of us who suffer have been scarred or misguided by forces completely out of our control, sometimes at an age when we were much too young to realize what was actually going on. However, I do believe that it is up to us to fix what is broken within.

That's my take, anyway!

LadyinBC

When I first started in this journey I would have said that alcohol was my problem. Have discovered and can admit that I was/am the problem, not the alcohol.

I basically drank to escape from reality.

courage2

Wow, I'm really surprised I haven't already posted to this thread!

I think I was screwy from the get-go. Then I got screwier. Then I matured into an alcoholic. Now I'm a sober alcoholic with a half a century of experience in lying and hiding and deceit, and I'm still screwy. Who the heck cares? Symptoms/diseases -- throw me another one and I'll take a swing at that. It's enough to be alive and moving forward, not back into the void of abuse and despair.

jaynie04

I used it for sleep, I used it for chronic pain, I used it to tamp down my ADD…

I was under the impression I didn't drink tons in college, I wasn't outside of the fray. But I found a diary yesterday from when I backpacked through Europe in my 20's. I was very, very descriptive and alcohol runs thru the diary in sync with whatever culture I was immersed in at the time. Cider in London, wine in Paris, beer in Munich….etc. (wasn't glamorous we slept in train stations and hostels).

Interesting though, when I was reading the diary I could not remember most of those experiences, honestly it was like reading someone else's writing. But I have always remembered a particular event. It was New Year's Eve and my friend who traveled with me and I were in Venice, we couldn't find a hotel. We were exhausted, dirty and starting to get sick of traveling. We walked and walked but couldn't find any place to stay. We finally gave up and went into a restaurant and ordered 2 bottles of white wine with our dinner. I remember my roommate put it on her "emergency credit card". It was extravagant for our barebones budget. I remember those bottles of wine, almost 30 years ago, because I remember how good I felt when we left the restaurant that night. I even wrote in my journal "suddenly everything seemed brighter and the world seemed happier". I can still remember that feeling of being transformed.

I could absolutely nail that as one of my first alcoholic trains of thought. Not because of how much we drank, but because that feeling of things feeling less daunting stayed in the forefront of my recall, to this day there is a "twinkling" feeling I have when I remember how we were so lost and then we were found.

I bet my friend doesn't even remember that dinner. Most of the trip is now a really dull memory, but I find it interesting that the feelings of alcohol doing for me what I could not do for myself were in the early stages of germination even then.

Ruturn

Alcohol was my solution for life. A few drinks in me made me feel like I thought everyone else felt all the time. Over time it ceased to be a solution and became the entire problem. It stopped being fun a long time ago. I can remember sitting in the car and crying because I was going to buy a bottle and I didn't want to but I couldn't not do it. I know in my heart that I have the allergy or whatever it is that makes an alcoholic an alcoholic. I got drunk for the first time on May 17, 1992 and that was probably the only time in my life that I drank "correctly". The shame in knowing what I was doing to myself and my family and not being able to control it was almost overwhelming. I ran a business into the ground and that didn't do it for me. I finally decided that I needed to find a different way of living because what I was doing did not work. Today I'm proud that I have a little over two weeks sober, and I know that I can do this if I just do it.

caboblanco

So I got most people thinking it's a symptom of a greater problem with a sub group thinking it took off and just became it's own beast. I think there were two that thought alcohol or genetic predisposition was the main problem..thanks for the replies!

zenowl

The fact that stopping drinking has not cleared the inner pain and 'life issues' i seem to have proves to me that alcohol was just a symptom of a deeper problem.

If alcohol was the problem, then me being stopped for two years would surely result in me 'feeling happy joyous and free'?

This has not been the case: I have been experiencing emotional pain, the tendency to want to isolate, low self esteem and no self confidence. Removal of the alcohol has only served to magnify those feelings.

It my understanding that I used alcohol to treat my alcoholism. Without alcohol I still have the 'ism'. To treat the ism I have to be honest, and ironically without the pain I won't be honest.

I don't want the pain anymore and I know that since alcohol is not a viable solution for me, I have to find other means. So I'm choosing psychotherapy to heal the 'inner child', and I'm also working on my resentments.