Tetra

This evening before my computer class my dad and I went for a bite to eat.

After we had ordered I went to the bathroom to remove my retainer. I brought my backpack with me as my retainer case was in the bag. I wasn't really thinking. I'm supposed to remove it before eating and put it back in after eating. I find it is tight and it's easier to do it in front of a mirror.

When I came back, my dad said "I am very worried. You brought your bag with you to the toilet. That's what you used to do in the old days when you were drinking".

I just explained about my retainer. There wasn't a sinister reason for me taking my bag to the bathroom. I just didn't even think about it. But now I feel really really embarassed. I told my dad that he could look through my bag if he wanted. I also offered to do a breath test if it would put his mind at ease a bit. He said "this is a day by day thing. My mind will never be at ease. I hope you understand why I had to ask".

I feel really really bad now even though this time, I didn't do anything wrong.

Tetra

I'm just over four months sober. I don't feel angry, more like my cheeks are burning brightly.

Raider

Don't feel bad. He loves and is concerned for you. How wonderful to be loved!!!

Hope4Life

He was just showing you how much he loves you! Don't be upset by his inquiry but be happy instead that he cares that much!

Good job on 4 months sober!

PurpleKnight

Parents worry, that's in the job description, I'd probably bet that at some point earlier today and every day since becoming Sober your dad probably has the occasional worry about you starting to drink again, this just gave him a chance to raise it in the conversation.

As your dad said, and what we can all do to prove to those that care about us, is each and every day remain Sober, no one can say otherwise if we keep going at it one day at a time, and with enough time those people around us will start to even forget why they were worried as they will get to know us Sober over the longterm.

As I say it's what some parents do, constantly worry about their children, whether they say it or not!! don't let it get you down Tetra!!

whiskeyman

it takes along time to build trust back up.
Put yourself in his shoes for a minute and see that he cares and loves you.

babycat

I would try to take this as a double positive. You have a father that loves you AND he was wrong! You were NOT drinking! The past is the past. Keep moving forward, this was a good thing!

Mrrryah1

Those moments are tough But understand that your loved ones need time to heal from the addiction too. Time will heal the situation, and you did nothing wrong today - be easy on yourself.

Do you think you are feeling bad about taking your bag to the bathroom? Or feeling bad about past drinking, and getting to the point where your family really can't trust you fully anymore?

Keep at it - 4 months is amazing. Can't wait to be there myself one day

quitter13

Drinking has caused me to lie and be dishonest to people who care about me. I understand that and it takes time to build up trust again. Be glad your father cares like I am glad about the people in my life that care enough to make sure I'm not drinking

least

He was just concerned for you. It will take time to build trust. Keep moving forward.

Congrats on four months sober!

RocketQueen

The longer you are sober, the more he will loosen his grip. This may sound weird, but I always felt proud every time someone questioned my sobriety. It reinforced that I was doing the right thing. People don't challenge me anymore.

BSwan09

sounds about right

Dee74

I agree with everyone here Tetra.

The bottom line is - you're clean and sober - that's a wonderful thing.

D

KateL

Loved ones do stop worrying after while xxxx

flutter

I know how that stings.. Went through something similar in my earlier days in recovery. It made me really mad at first, I was working so hard. Parents worry, he loves you. It takes a long time to rebuild trust like that

Longpasttime

You can look at it this way (and yes Im making some assumptions) - this time you were not lying when you told him why you took your pack. Can you imagine how relieved he was? I think you should feel fantastic rather than bad. Isn't it great to be able to be truthful rather than caught up in the proverbial web of deceit?
Congrats on 4 months, keep it up!

MattyBoy

My mum can be the same with me sometimes. I remember using some anti bacterial hand gel which contained alcohol and of course smelled of It and she asked me if I'd had some vodka... I took it as a sign she cares and is just looking out for me.

The more times you prove that you haven't been drinking , the more at ease your father will begin to feel in the future. I'm sure there will come a time when he won't feel the need to worry so much about these things but for the mean time just be glad he's on your side and cares for you

matt4x4

This is co-dependant behavior.Whether you know it or not the family is just as sick as the user.

BMel311

Nothing to feel terrible about. During my alcoholism I lied, cheated, and stole from everyone that cared about me. From the outside looking in, I don't deserve to be trusted at this point in my recovery. Your dad will regain your trust eventually through your actions.

Congrats on 4 months!

Longpasttime

Hm. I saw this as a father being honest about his current lack of trust due to the recent past. This is not at all what i understand co-dependent behavior to be, but im no expert.