haribo158

I relapsed again yesterday, I feel so incredibly awful but I can't turn back time, I just have to try harder I guess. At home now I don't drink and can control the urges pretty well, in fact I've basically eliminated from my lifestyle, but when I'm out it's different story!
Every time I relapse it's when I'm out at dinner with others. I don't think I'm quite ready to tell them yet, and I doubt they would understand it. I talked to my husband about this and he said next time he would just limit me to say 3 pints of beer, but he just doesn't get it, that's so not the answer.
Is it best if I just stop going out with friends altogether? I feel like I need it yet at the same time worry that I'm sort of just running away from the problem.

doggonecarl

If you want to quit drinking, but going out with your friends lead to drinking, then yes. Quit going out. Do whatever it takes to be sober if sober is your goal.

It doesn't have to be forever. But get a solid foundation of sobriety before facing your temptations.

Dee74

Hi Haribo

I had to be very careful of which invitations I accepted. There are many things you can do that won't involve alcohol - but any that do really need to be carefully thought about.

If you feel it's unlikely you'll stay sober - don't go.
If you been to these kinds of things before and not stayed sober - don't go.
If you'll be around people with who you've drank to excess before - don't go
If you feel resentful annoyed angry or sad about anything, but especially about being sober...don't go.

If you stay sober - completely - both at home and elsewhere, and you work on your recovery, you will find it easier after a little while.

You'll grow what I call 'sobriety muscles' and nothing and noone will be able to sway you

Until then be cautious - really cautious..

There'll always be another party but there may not be another recovery.

D

Joe Nerv

What Dee said.

jw1969

It's kind of strange, for me I can drink one or two beers carefully in a social occasion. But it is when I am alone I drink my fill which basically means passing out each drinking night (I live alone half the week).

So for me, the question is should I avoid time alone rather than social situations. I guess we each have our battles and related triggers, best wishes in yours.

Jade1224

Yes you have to be aware of triggers. If I feel stable I will go out with my friends... I have to be determined to not drink. If I feel uneasy I won't go out. Or if im stressed or upset I won't gp. But im 26 and I need to be with my friends. Its healthy for me.

FlygirlJ

[QUOTE=jw1969;4504667]It's kind of strange, for me I can drink one or two beers carefully in a social occasion. But it is when I am alone I drink my fill which basically means passing out each drinking night (I live alone half the week).

@jw it sounds to me that you're really conscious about what other people will think of you, so you limit it while you're out, but at home, there is no one to judge you so you go overboard...just my observation/input.

I too have withdrawn from alot of situations I used to be in, in both good and bad ways. Tonight I realized a good way...I wanted to go out, but I didn't know who was out and I couldn't reach a friend to go out with. I would previously have gone out anyway and perhaps sat at the bar by myself if I didn't know who was out and just wait and see, or if no one came out, oh well I'd be fine alone. But tonight/now, I wanted to be with someone, to have that social component associated with being out instead of just being alone and drink. If I wanted to drink alone, I could just stay home and do it, which I am also not doing. I see this is as a step in the right direction for me, albeit a small one.

Mek2

I took the opposite approach. I told everyone I hang out with that I quit. They were all understanding and I made 100% sure that I wasn't preachy and I never focus the conversation on my not-drinking. Most people who drink really only care that their own drinking is not affected. If the people you are with know they are free to drink without judgement they will truly not care you are not drinking.

jw1969

FlygirlJ,
Yes, I am very much concerned with what folks think of me, which does not pair well with being an alcohol abuser. I envy folks who can either drink their fill and not misbehave or those that drink their fill and act poorly and just don't care. I have found that I am in neither category.

FlygirlJ

I too care alot about what people think of me. In fact, it largely defines my sense of self-worth (or I let it), which is defining characteristic of the addictive personality :/
It sucks to learn that you have all of the characteristics, as if you were made to be and now are a walking poster child for addiction. Its worse to feel that way upon learning things about yourself, and then have people tell you "oh you dont seem to me like a person that would have a problem"...guess I've been pretty successful with my front! :/

Dee74

Some of us former walking poster children for addiction make pretty good poster children for recovery too FlyingJ

The story's not over til you reach the final page

D

FlygirlJ

It just sucks to know that about yourself, you know? It also sucks to know that the people that you're blood with contributed. Makes me sort of not want to have kids for fear of passing on bad genes, for one, and perhaps inadvertently instilling ****** coping mechanisms in them that I learned. I mean, inside I KNOW I am alot of good things, but I project them superficially, and when it comes down to someone else believing the same things about and/or more, I just cannot accept it or the compliments and always feel like my issues and whatnot carry more weight (negative) than the good (positive).
Took this post in a new direction. Sorry yall.