jmnyc

I really enjoy being sober. I am productive, and a good friend to others. Unfortunately, I relapsed AGAIN. I can't keep going through this cycle am so frustrated and scared. I haven't slept or eaten in days and am awake and drinking a beer right now to keep myself from throwing up. I would rather do that than take a pill. I've been prescribed Librium, ativan, xanax, you name it. But pills scare the crap out of me. For some reason, carrying around a bottle of vodka in my purse does not. Go figure.

The sweating, the shaking, the vomiting, hiding bottles, the lies, it's all back! I really want to go to a residential treatment facility, but have had very bad luck getting into one in the past. Either they don't have a bed, don't treat comorbidities (what a gross word), I have even been told that I'm not sick enough or would not fit in well with the population.

Unfortunately, I seem very high functioning, but the reality is far different. Any advice on working with others to convince them that you really have a problem and really need help? Even my fiance, who has found the bottles numerous times, who is sleeping beside me as I type, keeps telling me I'm not "a real alcoholic, I just need to relax and find a hobby." Something tells me knitting isn't going to cut it with this one. How many times can I say to people, I am an alocoholic, I really need help and can't do this alone!! Ugh. Pretty sure that the fact that I'm drinking a beer in the middle of the night to stop myself from throwing up is a clear sign.

Any help or advice would be much appreciated.

sunriseshell

I think you are brave! You know what you need and now just need to find the right place to get the help that you deserve!
It doesn't matter what other people say or think, you know YOU and want to be healthy and change. I think that is awesome! Don't give up just because you didn't get into the right place before. I remember watching a famous singer during an interview and when they asked her what advice she would give to anyone wanting to 'make it', she said 'don't give up, don't ever give up. Follow your dreams and don't give up!'
I can hear her voice and know that for myself being and staying sober is something that isn't easy but I want to do it and am adjusting to taking one day at a time and realize that I like being sober. I would social binge drink to blow off steam and it would make me feel like the next day! The chaos of things that would happen were so horrible. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of 'fun' times too, but I want to change and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks....
Message me if you want to stay in touch!
You can do it!!!!!!
Be proactive and find a program and get into it ASAP!
It is important to detox right from alcohol, I guess it can be really dangerous so you need to get professional help or wean off....
lot of love to you!

for sharing your story!

ScottFromWI

Try fighting as hard as you do to keep drinking on your quest to get into treatment if that's what you truly want. Think of all the time, money and effort you spend on planning your drinking, actually drinking, buying alcohol, hiding it, etc. Use some of those resources to take action and call treatment facilities. Go to AA, read SR, etc. Sobriety is right there if you want I enough, you just have to take action to get it.

readerbaby71

Get yourself to a meeting today. Talk with people there. If you're in NYC there are meetings going on 24/7. See your doctor and be adamant about the fact that you need to go to treatment. You can find a dual diagnosis treatment center. It took my BF two months to get into rehab, but he kept at it, going to meetings and finding a temporary sponsor during that time. Reach out to local social services and psych hospitals. Do whatever it takes and don't give up.

Even if you don't think AA is for you, it can help get you over this hump. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! What's the alternative, really? Hugs and good luck to you. xoxo

EndGameNYC

Hi jmnyc.

If you haven't yet done so, I'd suggest you contact St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital's program, known as The Addiction Institute of New York. It's a well-regarded program, and they offer flexible lengths of stay.

I don't know whether or not they require medical detox before being admitted, but they do work with what you describe as "comorbidities."

The Addiction Institute of NY

newman23

Sorry to hear what you're going through, JMNYC. I know the feeling. I went to the hospital for detox because I was afraid of what to expect with withdrawal over the summer. After my 4 day stay, they sent me home, and said I would not be able to get into an inpatient treatment program at the moment. I was told that you have to essentially "fail" an outpatient treatment program, or continue to use while enrolled in one, to get referred to one here in upstate NY. I have heard at least of some people making phone calls and not giving up and pressing it to get into one, and getting in(I don't know the specifics of how they ended up being able to get in and not me right away). It may be an insurance company thing.

I agree with at least maybe giving AA a try. It's free, and something you can look up and attend immediately with no paperwork or approval process

liss74

We are here for you I get it so much and a meeting would be much needed, I was so sick hungover yesterday and dragged my but there thank god otherwise I would have been so depressed, we can't do this alone lots of love and support take it easy xx

jmnyc

Wound up going to the ER after much debate. They kept me there for three days and hydrated me and gave me ativan. I've been home a day now and still feel like a complete waste. I'm disoriented and out of it. I have no desire to do anything, keep crying out of nowhere. I'm giving myself today as a "nothing day" to relax and not try to cross anything off of my "to do" list. There is nothing that needs doing today aside from me staying sober. I'm just really struggling here.

Finnie

Hi,

It strikes me that if everyone around you thinks you are not an alcoholic then you can use that to your advantage. If you think about it, that means you have less of a clean up job to do on friends, work and family.
Your primary area of work will be on yourself. While that is a vast job in itself, it can be done and all the positive friends and family can feed into that.
If you think you are an alcoholic that is enough.

Hope I made sense. Best wishes.

jmnyc

You know, that's a very positive spin on a very difficult topic. It both made me LOL at how simple and true it is! Thank you!

ru12

I think you are right in that you should just stop with the 'to do' list and just sit for a spell. Breathe. Post here. Stay sober this minute. Do the same the next and the next. There will be plenty of time for the 'to do' list. Now just keep taking sober breaths.

Galactus

heya, its really hard to post onthisboard knowing how fragile my sobriety is...just how it is man, so just giving you a hand man, wtf, you think you alone ? your not . thats all. figure it out and Got bless...beent here done that...you will too , come up

Tamerua

Glad to hear you went to the hospital! And I would also suggest a meeting, it is a room full of people getting sober and gave been where you are.