Bee02

Just wanted to know if there is anyone out who is or has been sober for a long time without working the aa program, just going through the motions of life feeling angry all the time. What did you do to change it , did you go back to aa, what was your experience?

matt4x4

Yeah being a dry drunk, still doing the same things you were doing when drinking like telling lies, stealing, cheating, being angry all the time, at disease, the mind is running. I have been there I have done that and I got the T-shirt, its not fun at all. I tried other programs such as SMART recovery which seemed to help, different churches, working out, keeping busy, hobby's, travelling, working more then I should. A few things seemed to help a little bit, but in the end I went back to AA because I noticed if I was working a program of action as layed out in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous I felt better, at ease, peaceful, serenity and happy. AA is one way to stay sober, AA does not have a monopoly on sobriety. Being sober and happy at the same time, what a concept. But life happens and it will always happen I just have to learn to deal with it. This is a common sense program for a sick guy trying to get well, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.

caboblanco

i got sober...I wasn't angry all the time. I also wasn't lowlife before I got sober

Dee74

Hi Bee02

I never went to AA. Whenver I felt myself getting angry or resentful or that it was unfair I was an alcoholic, I looked at my life.

Had I made enough changes to it or was I still living my drinking life?
Drinking life is fine for a drunk but for a sober guy - not so much.

I was just surrounding myself with something my head told me I couldn't have.
No wonder I was miserable.

I also made notes of the good things ion my life - a lot of them came from not drinking.

Support from other sober people really helped too - some find that in AA, some go to other recovery groups, some (like me) come here.

I hope you'll stick around - you might find that you're less angry with a little daily dose of SR

D

SoberKat9

Hi Bee02. I'm about to hit a year of sobriety and have not been involved in any program. I went to AA for a bit in the beginning but didn't find it was the right fit. I did read Rational Recovery and found that very helpful and saw a counselor regularly for several months.

For me, I just had to come to terms with the fact that once I chose to drink, I gave up all control to the drug. I couldn't control how it was affecting my body. Once I made the decision to quit, things got easier.

I have been fortunate to have very supportive friends and family around me. I have friends that drink, but our social activities aren't all about that. I was the drunk in the group - not anymore! And that's a great feeling.

Sure there are times where I might get angry. Wish I could just have one. But that's not how if affects my body. My roommate can barely handle a cup of coffee because of the caffeine. I can have several cups a day and love it. She can have one glass of wine and stop. I can't. Life isn't fair, but fortunately, living sober can be so great. I have been able to focus on things that I want to do, and be the person I want to be - not what the drug of alcohol wants me to be.

I don't post much here, but I do read the posts and find them very helpful. I am very thankful for SR. I hope you stick around - it's a great support system.

Leana

I absolutely detest the term "dry drunk". I am an alcoholic. I am not actively drinking and haven't for years but I am still an alcoholic. I have a compulsion to drink and I have issues related to my compulsion to drink. So why do I need to define myself in such a derogatory term just because I didn't follow a program and/or solve all the issues related to the disease that I have?

That said I have been sober for 5+ years. I did not attend AA. I do not lie, steal, or become violent but I didn't lie, steal, or become violent while drinking either.

sobercatholic

Haven't had a drink in nearly 12 years. Been sober most of the time, "not drinking" for a good part of it. The "not drinking" periods were getting longer. I decided to do something about it before the "restless, irritable and discontented-ness" and the "hungry, angry, lonely and tired-ness" grew into a full-blown "dry drunk."

I changed it by happenstance. I picked up the Big Book, read a few chapters at random, and saw all the signs that I still hadn't been "completely restored to sanity," am still full of "self-pity," and although my self-will wasn't running "riot," it was gathering up picket signs, thinking of a protest and perhaps Occupy something.

And so I went to a few AA meetings, felt better, am getting back on track with the meetings and AA/Grapevine literature. Doing Step 10 throughout the day and mulling over the first 3 Steps helps.

This is all very recent, too, my decison to "do something about it." Just the past few weeks.

yeahgr8

Dry drunk isn't an AA term, it was coined by AA.

There are a load of papers out there on the dry drunk syndrome but basically is as you said being pi**ed off most of the time but not drinking. Some people stay like that all their lives, problem is they tend to screw up other people along the way.

I would recommend trying something new, maybe counselling, group therapy etc.

GracieLou

I know a person like this. He is angry and resentful. He believes everyone else in his life (past or present) and their actions, or lack there of, are the reasons and the only reason he is what he is. He has reached out to them and told them this fact. Blaming others for every single thing in his life and he is not nice about it either. He has called numerous people and told them that he never did this or that because of them OR he did this or that because of them. You can feel the anger coming from him if you stand to close. For real.

I have tried but I have moved away from him. I cannot maintain my serenity when I am around him. Give me a pour me any day over the spite and hate this man feels towards others.

He continues to go to bars and drinks Pepsi. He sits there and listens to the people only so he can cut down every single person there and makes a long mental list of what is wrong with them but never looks up in that mirror at himself.

I pray for him because that is all I can do. I know people do not like the statement "dry drunk" but having met one, the label fits this person to a tee.

FeelingGreat

Bee02, I've never been to AA, mainly because of the quasi-religious aspect, but sometimes I've thought about extending my recovery by some form of self-development, so maybe I will give it a try one day.
I don't think of myself as a 'dry drunk' though.

IOAA2

Years ago my sponsor said a dry drunk is an alcoholic although not drinking acts and reacts like when he was drinking. Now this does not mean all the time but at times as well. Anger is not the only characteristic as any of our reasons we drank can temporally or permanently can be pulling us. Some of us are fear based, Paranoid, financially insecure, controlling and on and on, much of which we drank over to escape. It’s been a lot of years since I’ve had a drink or had the desire to and at times it seems when the stars are aligned wrong I get hit with “where did that feeling come from?” Usually it’s the stinking thinking from the past creeping in. Yes I still go to 3-5 meetings a week which seems to continue to keep my thinking more straight than my at times going off the path.

BE WELL

LadyBlue0527

I hate the term but I've seen what's described.

When someone is like this the most important questions they can ask themselves is who they gave up drinking for and what are they doing to work in recovery?

If you're angry then you don't really want to be sober. Or, you want to be sober but you're fighting doing what it's going to take to be happy about it.

Have you ever witnessed the actions of a child that can't have their own way?

IOAA2

"Have you ever witnessed the actions of a child that can't have their own way?"

OMG that's a good remember when! Especially in my early days of not drinking. Notice I didn't use the word sobriety?

BE WELL

tuxiemama

AA sets me off in a bad way... I have a choice to stop...... I do not have a disease like AA tells me.... I just have to get sober, stay sober... the rest is conversation

MSUDrunk

If you think it's a choice you must never have had diarrhea. You can choose to hold it all you want, but you'll eventually end up crapping your pants.

huntingtontx

I got sober here on SR. Not angry, not a low life, but when I was drinking I was not either. What cabo said.

Fandy

Amen....I follow no formal program, except logging in here daily. I will be sober 3 years in May. I have never joined AA, the program is not for me. I get angry like everyone can if we have problems, but I deal with my issues logically.

I never use that term about myself or others, I find it very offensive.

matt4x4

Reminds me of a saying "Alcoholism is like Diaherra, its in the jeans (genes)"

Anyway, dry drunk just means I am doing the same things I was doing when drinking, thinking the same way I was when I was drinking. Thats all, I can not resent that, I must accept it and move on.

yeahgr8

It sucks that some of AA and some US medical institutions use the term disease because how can it be a disease? All one has to do is look at the meaning of disease.

AA, the real one, and the AA Big Book refer to alcoholism as an illness that only a spiritual (personality) change can "cure". This would be agreed on by any decent counselor however I am sure they would use different terminology.

Before I went to AA I found a load of stuff to keep me away and would speak with authority about how far out there they were but, in the end, after many tries I found out there was a solution there if I was willing to cut through the BS in and outside if AA.

I got sober in AA and have been in counselling etc and I can confirm and am happy to speak for AA in that alcoholism is not a disease:-)

awuh1

Even Bill W. did not call alcoholism a disease. He advocated calling it an illness. It's called a disease by the medical profession.

As for the term 'dry drunk'. It will come up periodically, but it's not the topic of the OP (even though the thread was labeled such). The concern expressed by the OP is “feeling angry all the time”.

In my experience, feeling angry all the time can have a number of causes. People who suffer from depression often experience chronic anger. We tend to think of depressed folks as being sad, but in actuality depression is often manifested through anger. There is truth in the old saying that “depression is anger turned inward”. Anger and depression are indeed opposite sides of the same coin.

I have seen many alcoholics, who suffer from chronic anger benefit both from psychological treatment and from AA. A prior acknowledgment of a problem seems to be a necessary requirement for improvement in both cases. Those who view the sole cause and sole solution to their anger as existing outside of themselves, seem to stay stuck in it. At minimum there seems to be a requirement to look at things differently, as a starting point.