Macs1978

I was sober for over 30 days and then made the choice to drink again, thinking that I could handle it. I cannot. Even though I haven't caused any huge issues with my renewed drinking, I just do not like who I am when drinking. My husband asked me why I have to get wasted every time we go out, and I simply do not know. There are times when I am fine but those are less and less lately. So, recommitting and have my husband's support. I'm thankful for the support I received on this forum back in December and hope to be more deserving of it this time. Thank you all!!

Dee74

Welcome back Macs

D

Macs1978

Thank you so much, Dee! While I'm upset at myself, it feels good to be back.

Notimetoloose

Welcome back Mac, it is a great resource here and it's full of great people.

KateL

Great decision Mac xxxx

Climber122

Welcome back Macs - don't feel ashamed - you are not a bad person - but if you drink when you don't want to and drink more than you think you should, you're probably in the right place. When someone is going back and forth between abstinence and drinking, a good question we can ask ourselves is: "What am I doing differently this time that may cause a different result than I've been getting?" Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful - keep reaching out and looking for support - not many people are able to go it alone.

SillyString

Hi, Macs - I too have quit several times, and started up again. Feeling almost like a multiple personality - on the one hand being totally committed and wanting a different life, and on the other wanting to figure out a way to have my cake and eat it too...i.e., keep drinking, but not do any damage. Finally figured out that is just not possible for me at this point. And I'm so, so, so, so, tired of the cycle of self-hatred, fear, anxiety, blackouts. I'm just so done with it. I don't want to try to control it any more (since I've proven many times that I just can't). I just want to take it off the table so it's no longer a "thing", hanging over my head...how/when can I start drinking, how many can I have, is anyone noticing me being drunk, what did I do/say last night, is my dh mad at me, and ON AND ON AND ON. I'm just so exhausted from it all. I've decided to wave the white flag.

I got off the roller coaster, and you can too!

HeadLump

There's a huge feeling of relief when you finally wave that flag, SillyString - and the freedom is phenomenal!

Welcome back, Macs. It takes a lot of courage to come back and it's the best decision you can make. Well done, you