tomsteve

im reading a whole lotta blaming of everyone else, but how bout getting honest and tellin us how yer performance truly was? maybe your performance truly was substandard?you state yer drinkin is makin a difference, so ya may want to stop blaming everyone else and take accountability/responsibility for you and your actions. its been reading for some time now that it aint workin for ya.
when ya say yer pissed off at the world like everyone else, please don't include me. the world isn't my problem. who's in my mirror is.

cardoon

I'd stay until I had another job. I'd be professional in my current job until I found the new one. It's "you incorporated" out there. Stay the course on a sober lifestyle.

sugarbear1

Setting aside others' behaviors and your appearance, have you been able to take an honest look at your own performance? It's really hard to do, maybe write some things on paper and then read it the next day, maybe talk to a trusted friend? You may be surprised at what you find.

Hugs,
~SB

jazzfish

Two years ago, I was miserable in my job. Project managers were taking hours away from me to give to other people. My boss was giving me increasingly mediocre performance evaluations with warnings about future performance. So I quit to both show them and to be able to work independent of all their BS that had been holding me back. Lo and behold, because I didn't stop drinking, I was still able to screw up my work and get bad evaluations (you're always working for someone). Anyway, this is my story.

Fandy

Haven't you repeatedly called out "sick" on Mondays? If I am remembering correctly, you work in a dental office your work is patient related, you call out and everyone else has to pick up your slack.
perhaps that might be part of the reason for your performance evaluation.
and fwiw, nothing ruins your supermodel looks faster than booze....
if a little bit of vanity helps you to stop, use it.
are you still drinking or did you recently stop?
one thing, if you quit, do you forfeit unemployment bebefits?

KateL

I improved at work when I stopped drinking and was supported by many people. But wherever I have worked, even being stone cold sober, there are often bullies in the workplace and it used to drive me up the wall. It's not on! There should be some sort of proper legislation in place, like there is in shcools ~ mind you, that often doesn't work either. Just some horrrible people in this world. Rise above them xxxxxxx

Kayla50

I am well aware of this. Thanks.

Kayla50

Thank you. I am trying to look at this situation as a learning experience and a chance for growth and a time for much needed rest. I have a BFA degree and other training. Hopefully I will find something better to suit me as I try to get sober.

karate

Never let them see you sweat . It's difficult but if someone
Is ugly to you , and you seem uneffected by their actions ,they normally
Quit .

People want to get a reaction out of you -if you don't react they are not fulfilled in bullying you .

Kayla50

Yeah. I know if I don't get sober, nothing is going to feel to easier. Wish there was a magic potion or dust or some crap.

Kayla50

You sound like all the really "nice" people I love in this world. Your message does not help me. If you knew me you would know I am a very good person and have opened up to much to people. You can say what you want. I am very aware of how bad my situation is and "tough love" always takes me in the opposite direction.

KateL

I'm on your side,I hate bullies and would never be tough or judge anyone xxxx

karate

Don't be mistaken that I'm a nice person , because I am not .

I just learned how to return fire , with little effort .

I'm the most vindictive person you will ever know.

I have a saying " when you figure out you made the wrong man mad its too late"

Better to fight with brain power , than brute force .

MB8

Kayla. Not sure how old you are but you sound really young to me. I promise that everything will improve in your life the longer you stay sober. You have to look at improving only you as your never going to change anyone else. Most people that bully or tease are extremely insecure and that's their only way of dealing with people. Take care of yourself and the rest will improve mB8

karate

Agreed , bully's are whimpy . And insecure .

Called a few out in my time , some of them can fight though

tomsteve

when I got into recovery,after the fog lifted, I was one hell of a whiner about how everyone else was. if I was babied, I woulda been buried. instead, the people I was around told me like it was. it seems to be rather common that alcoholics are thick headed and when the message has depth and weight, it gets through. buggered me up for a while. sometimes the truth hurt( and still can), especially when it involves me being the problem. the world surely wasn't gonna bow down to me, king baby, and do what I wanted, so I had to learn how to live life on lifes terms.that is pretty much what I was told and eventually I accepted that it was me,not the world, that had the problem.
I had to take responsibility for my life. I did that by getting into action, but I couldn't use my past actions- they got me where I was.

KateL

No matter how sober and level headed you become, even after years of sobriety, there are still bullies and nasty people out there. One simply cannot hold oneself accountable for their behaviour, that's absurd. I just walk away from people like that wherever possible.

zanzibar

Drinking doesn't make you a bad person.

When I was drinking it was never the drink causing problems, there was always someone or something else to blame. If I got a bad performance review and a woman surpassed me, it was a sexist promotion in order to get more women into the higher ranks. If the review said I'm often late it was things like it was the cars fault, or the gate guard who had it in for me and made me wait all the time, or whatever else I could think of.

But never the drinking, nope that was never the problem, until I finally woke up and saw that it was.

It's not easy to stop, and not many can say it is. But it is something that needs to be done if we're going to flourish in life, or even have any real life at all.

This is sent with all the caring in the world for you.

Venecia

Kayla, I think you are a nice person.

Yet ... . I encourage you, while sober, to go back and read every post you've made on SR. A theme emerges and it's not one that you can absorb while drinking. And that is that much of what you encounter is controlled externally -- often the fault of others.

Your doctor? Judgmental, won't give you the meds you want so you'll find another. (Doc shopping.)

Your co-workers? Mean. You mention your looks often, including in chat. So work with all guys -- they'd be willing to tolerate your absenteeism -- and do your work while you're out -- because they can look at you? Not any guys I know of that are worth having as colleagues.

Your family? Pulled you out of your sister's wedding party on the day of the wedding. (Note: not one word about how sad that must have been for the bride and what an awkward situation it created for all involved with the wedding. Only how sad and upset you were.)

AA? Sucks. More mean people. Also, some contradictions. You've said AA is not geographically feasible at one point, but at another, too much downtime between work and the start of meetings. So some access *is* there.

Tough love doesn't work? Nor does AA, your family, your colleagues, your doctor, folks who've extended support here on SR.

Yes, I sound like one of those "mean" people. Over the last seven or so months, you've received an outpouring of support on SR. Dee couldn't be gentler -- or wiser. Scott has been there for you from Day One -- urging you to get help and make a commitment to AA or some form of treatment if not AA. Weaver and others have gently suggested some introspection. Tom and others have noted their job performance got better when they got sober.

Monday might be a turning point for you, Kayla. It sounds like you've made some positive steps in contacting a treatment program. Perhaps the best course of action is to acknowledge to your employers that you've got a problem, offer up that you want to be a better employee and ask for their help as you make a commitment to a treatment plan.

It sounds like you're at the bottom.

The question remains, Kayla.

What are *you* willing to do to get sober?

I wish you the best.

pteque

thank you, venecia, for saying everything i wished to say in a more positive manner.

kayla, you are currently drinking. most people with an acknowledged drinking problem still currently drinking are not stable. in order to produce at work/accomplish goals/climb that ladder you have to be not just stable, but on your 'A game'. and judging my the many excuses i have seen peppered in this forum, you are not aware of how unstable you come off. perhaps your work picked up on that.

your mother insisting this is due to your looks is enabling. and honestly, the constant mention of your looks makes me question what sort of attention you are really hoping to gain here.

i see people worry about you here, respond and provided valuable life lessons to you and i worry someone is taking them for a ride.

you are capable. you sense you have a problem which places you at an advantage. appreciate these factors and try to spend time looking at your state through someone else's eyes. you may be surprised. even humbled. best of luck.