neferkamichael

Archenemy, now that I'm 3 years 6 months sober I am beginning to enjoy life. Being drunk and high was immediate satisfaction and I suppose that early on in sobriety I was "expecting" the same results from my new life. Rootin for ya.

diffingo911

I forgot to mention - I was discussing My Stomach issues with My Cousin who has been drinking for a number of Years as well. He told Me that 5 YEARS ago, he was told by His Doctor that He would have to have part of his Colon removed. He has neglected to have the procedure done and has continued to drink in spite of this Malady.

This was another Huge deciding factor in My choice to call it quits - I mean, He's got to be pretty-much ROTTING from the Inside-Out, by now...I don't want that to be Me !!!

I feel Awful for Him, but am Powerless over His Drinking, of course.

Pipefish

Archenemy, love your honesty about your recovery journey. Keep going

9 months in recovery is pivotal for lots of us. It's a good long time, but then, in the scheme of a recovery journey which most of us hope to maintain one day on another for the rest of our lives, it's the first 9 months we'll ever do, and it's early days to expect a complete change in personality. Well, that has been the case for me at least, and identify with your experience.

Thinking about change is a tricky one, because my alcoholic nature expected some cataclysmic, awe inspiring turn-around in who I was, and how I behaved. Truth is, not drinking one day at a time for an alcoholic is awe inspiring, and learning to let things be enough, and make slow and steady progress is key to staying sober.

Not sure if you're an AA person, but I find Appendix II 'Spiritual Experience" is a good reading for me when thinking along these lines.

And as suggested above, asking others whom you are close to and trust, is a good indicator of how you have changed already, and what you may need to do next.

Take it easy and enjoy being sober. There is no need or virtue in being hard on ourselves

diffingo911

I forgot to mention-I was speaking with My cousin about My stomach issues and He told Me that His Doctor told him 5 YEARS ago that He needed to have part of His Colon removed.

He Refused the Procedure and has continued to Drink since. He is basically ROTTING from the Inside-Out...I Really didn't want that to be ME.

This was another HUGE Deciding Factor for Me to look at My Drinking.

I feel Awful for My Cousin, but know I am Powerless over his Drinking, for sure. I can only look at My Side of the Street...

diffingo911

Hey-I double-posted. The first one didn't appear on the thread-I THOUGHT I NEGLECTED TO post quick reply...now I just found 2...
WIERD...

archenemy

Exactly. Why do I want to wait for something horrible to happen to prove alcohol is bad for me. Its almost as if I work to protect my alcoholism and suffer no consequence. Id buy my supply then lock myself in house. Drink to my hearts content and never hurt or bother anyone. Alcohol protected me and I protected it. It must be my adult security blanket I refuse to throw out with the other trash. Its like an insanity I hold onto even though I know its wrong.

diffingo911

I have to Identify with that term: "Security Blanket", archenemy. Lately though, I find it's been more of a Wet Blanket -

EndGameNYC

Having the AA Big Book and working the AA Big Book Twelve steps...A dark analogy is having a bottle of vodka but not drinking it. The consequences in each case are dramatically different. There are hundreds, probably thousands of comments on this here. Putting down the drink means that I won't get drunk but, by itself, doesn't guarantee a whole lot more. Though it may provide inspiration for some, the Big Book is not a self help book. Even if it were, self help books are for people who don't need, and therefore don't use, self help books.

It seems that most people who attempt sobriety on their own are dissatisfied with their progress, whether they continue to drink or not. The rare exception screams out because, well, it's the rare exception. Though I tire of adding the socially mandated caveat that AA is not the only way -- I'm pretty sure that most people in recovery know this -- having no way is never the best way.

Many people here who've achieved sobriety and a better way of living talk about the dramatic changes that were necessary to improve their lives. You can't get that from a book.

You did the difficult thing by putting down the drink. It may be daunting for you to accept that there is no miracle-in-waiting, but knowing this leaves you with only one good option.

What do you want for yourself in your life, and what are you willing to do to get it?

Gal220

That's how I drank as well. But it wasn't much of a life. Now that I'm sober, I can actually have a life. If your life isn't making you happy, then I'd suggest figuring out how to change that. Without the alcohol in the picture, your options are wide open. I also find it hard to believe that you have gone from daily hard drinking for your entire adult life and yet your life is exactly the same now that you've been sober. Maybe you just don't see the change in yourself? I personally would have a hard time staying sober if I didn't see any benefit to it.

archenemy

Hi! I'm serious I'm still the same person and my life is the same. Sober of course I have better qualities as a person. I'm more considerate and kind to others. Stuff like that. Of course being sober I'm more productive. But I could be all those things drunk also. I just could only put out so much effort being drunk and my skills would not all be present. Do u mean I should take notice of these qualities and/or lack of them? Thanks..

Gal220

Yes The circumstances of my life changed very little in the first couple of years of my sobriety. I was much younger than you, so obviously my life circumstances have changed since (married, have children now, etc). But I am essentially the same person. But I have grown personally. I can use my skills now to the best of my ability, whereas I couldn't when I was drinking. And if I don't like something about my life or my circumstances, I now have the power to change that. Drinking took all that away from me.

archenemy

Gal220...I'm gonna think more about these little things I just take for granted. Then maybe I could see more clearly the big picture. Then I could appreciate things and figure more out. I knew I could barely perform a task drunk. But I chalked that up to being too drunk. I noticed I would not make mistakes at work with no hangover. Maybe I tried living as a functioning drunk so long...I believed I could function ok. But truthfully I was doing a lousy job. Maybe I'm still in denial..I'll figure it out. Thanks for your help.

archenemy

[QUOTE=neferkamichael;4427009]Archenemy, now that I'm 3 years 6 months sober I am beginning to enjoy life. Being drunk and high was immediate satisfaction and I suppose that early on in sobriety I was "expecting" the same results from my new life.

Congrats I never went 3 yrs. Great for u! Yeah I want to change my way of thinking..so I could start by being thankful I have no health problems from being a heavy drinker. Instead of complaining I should be thankful. That might turn around my negative thinking for the better.

silentrun

I REALLY screwed myself up brain wise the last few years of drinking. Once my brain started to repair my personality is starting to go back to my true self. There were improvements along the way but that "Am I going crazy" morph actually didn't start until about 8 months and it's ongoing still. I have read the recover time typically is between 2 months and 5 years so that quite a spread. You may not have even done enough damage to undergo a personality change in the first place. Give it more time I hear the 2nd year is the big one for this anyway.

lone340

I found this to be incredibly helpful. This really unlocked a perspective I couldn't quite see clearly. thanks.

DoPerdition

I stopped drinking at 27 and had no "consequences" from drinking yet. I feel the same as I did drinking except I wake up without a hangover, fall asleep instead of passing out and can find the fun in activities I used to think were a waste of time.

My social life was entirely tied up with drinking to get drunk. So while my personality hasn't changed much, my activities in life have.