SoberLife2014

I've been sober 7 1/2 months and I find myself still tempted to drink after all I've been through. Alcoholism almost ruined my life and my family's life. I feel happier now than I have in YEARS. I'm getting in shape, eating better, I have a hobby, and my family life is doing great. I don't want to drink. I just want that temptation to go away. I want my AV to quit pestering me. I don't think it's a good idea to try to pace myself. I don't think lighter wine will be better for me than red wine. And I don't think giving in for just one day to get the monkey off my back is a good idea either. I am horribly addicted to alcohol. I don't think of just having 1 glass of wine, I think in terms of BOTTLES. This is all such mind ****. Can someone please tell me there will be a day when I'm not tempted to drink? I'll go to a meeting this week. I'd like to say I'd call someone if I'm about to drink, but that's never how it works. The urge gets so strong that I totally bypass that and if I get my hands on any alcohol I'll CHUG it down before I have time to think!

jdooner

What are you doing for your program? You said you will goto a meeting, so are you in AA? IF so, are you working the steps with your sponsor?

Dee74

Hi Zelda - I drank for 20 years - for the last 5 I drank all day everyday - it took me at least my first year before those urges softened to mere fleeting thoughts and then to nothing.

It's been many years now since my resolve was tested in any way

keep going - you're definitely heading in the right direction. Having been through it I think recovery isnt about not having those thoughts at all...it's about how we deal with them when we do?

You're doing great
D

SoberLife2014

I'm in AA. I'll admit that I've slacked off on it a bit. I don't know where the hell my sponsor went. I haven't heard from her in over a month, and yes, I've reached out to her. She was my third sponsor. I'm frustrated with the whole sponsor thing. I don't want to find a new one. I don't want to start the steps over AGAIN. I probably need to make time to read the BB again and go to a meeting. I'm not super gung-ho about AA all the time. I wasn't happy doing AA 24/7.

SoberLife2014

Sorry guys, I get frustrated sometimes.

Dee74

Frustration is a pretty normal human reaction Zelda.

Try not to catastrophise - you've been doing well for 7 months - there's no reason why you won't continue to do well if you keep up the effort and vigilance

D

Nevertheless

I was 6 months sober when I almost gave in. I pulled into the beer store parking lot,and opened the car door. Man I am SOOO glad I didn't get out.
I think that was the demon putting up it's last big fight. I wanted to drink pretty bad for a few days. But I stayed the course. I had a few cravings after that. But nothing like I did for that "spell"
I am now approaching 5 years sober. When I have a really bad day,I still think about booze. But my thoughts always are "how the hell did I ever think getting drunk would make this better". I think I,myself started feeling that way somewhere around the year mark.
Hang in there. Trust me. You WILL be glad you did.

Fred

Gottalife

Hi Zelda,

I can understand your frustration over that. It is such a pointless exercise. Actually, worse than that, it's almost destructive. How on earth can you be expected to have a spiritual experience and recover if your sponsors don't let you progress to step 9, and teach you about steps 10, 11 and 12.

Also I would feel the same about having to "do" AA 24/7. I assume you are talking about attending meetings everyday blah blah, and having no life outside of AA. That's not what AA is about either.

I find I have to "live" AA principles 24/7, but my life is balanced. At the moment I go to two or three meetings a week to see what I can contribute, I sponsor 3 guys, I work on my boat, I go to the yacht club for social, particpate in racing, and also the cultural events in town form time to time. My days are quite full. Soon I am going on an extended sailing voyage. I expect to be away a long time and there won't be many meetings out there. But it doesn't matter. because I had a spiritual experince and I try and stay in fit spiritual condition, the good feeling I used to get only at meetings is with me all the time.

There is a lot in the big book about what to do when feeling shaky. Mostly the answer is to go work with another alcoholic.

I don't know what to suggest about your sponsors. Perhaps go to some other meetings and find one who actually knows how to have a spiritual experience and won't stand in your way. Follow the book. if you've taken a step and you're happy with it, do what the book tells you to do next. A good AA sponsor will not contradict the big book.

jdooner

Zelda1 - I have posted about my experience with AA pretty openly. I am coming to terms with most of it and finding what works for me. I was not going to suggest rushing to another meeting etc. I will say that the process of step work can help change your perspective. Don't get me wrong its a commitment to leading a different lifestyle but in terms of craving and removing the obsession that is the real value of AA in my opinion. I also find some value in finding a meeting that you feel safe and works.

Similarly, I have gone through the RR literature and I think full commitment to that program can achieve similar results but both are changing a perspective. For me, an addict I need a tool set to really change my life in order for the obsession to be removed. It took roughly 4 months for this to occur.

Good luck and congrats on the +7 months.

ImperfectlyMe

Morning Zelda, I hope the dawn brings you some feelings of accomplishment for not caving. I know how tough these yearnings can be. I call them yearnings because to me that's what they feel like more then a craving. It can be an intense longing feeling. Often I find I'm longing for something that alcohol could never give. When I break it down there usually an emotional factor that's going on. Am I lonely, tired, overwhelmed with taking care of kids house husband? And how can I right this void.

I really think you're doing fabulously. You've got a double whammy postpartum hormonal changes as well as tackling alcohol addiction. This time in your life a a blessed and beautiful one. But, it's also a time where a woman can feel shes starting to loose herself.

Each day YOU WILL get stronger and these yearnings will get less and less. If you ever need another momma to talk to you can always PM me. Ive walked in Your shoes. Big hug

KateL

Everyone is different, and it does take time, but the cravings do lessen xx

karate

It may be hard , but you will feel better , when dried out .

SoberLife2014

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling better today. Last night I prayed about it and mid prayer I realized that I don't want to drink. I simply just want to get rid of these cravings. If I cave I'm only giving in to the alcoholism and not doing anything for myself. I think I spend too much time feeding the cravings sometimes and I let them grow. Every time I get all spun up and panicky about them I'm just feeding into them. Usually I just say to myself "I am powerless over alcohol, I am not going to fight it" and I feel better. Yesterday I think I fed into them more than I should. Imperfectlyme I think there is a lot of truth in what you said. Yesterday I was also feeling quite overwhelmed with everything. I didn't think the house was clean enough, I didn't feel like I was spending enough time catering to my baby's every peep, and all I wanted to do was relax a little.

It's odd, but I miss something about my days of alcoholism. To be honest I felt pretty good while I was drinking sometimes. The problem is that I felt miserable the next day and I was living in la la land while everything was crumbling around me. I remember thinking "Well, if I end up on the street at least I can drink". My AV latches onto that and tries to convince me that I can feel good like that again. But the truth is, is that the last few months of my drinking got really bad and my AV forgets that. It was getting to the point where I HAD to drink in order to avoid being sick. I was horribly shaky and dizzy if I didn't. I had to drink to feel "normal". There was nothing fun or relaxing about it anymore. I never ever want to go back to that.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get to a meeting, reset my priorities a little, and read the BB. Thank you all for your advice!