Stress and Sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Stress and Sobriety
Hi,
I thought I'd start a thread about stress and how it effects sobriety.
I've been having the issue at work about my co-worker telling the security guy that I "have the hots for him and I sleep around". Today I had to work with her for the first time since hearing that and I literally only got 3 hours of sleep last night worrying about how to react to this. I just really have absolutly no tolerance for conflict and there it was, staring me in the face. I mean, it still is to a point I suppose.
So, I went into work and I just pretended that everything was fine. She was nice, almost to the point of being friendly with me. Later in the night, after she left and 3rd shift had come on, including this new security Joann, the other 3rd shifter just comes right out while he's there and "puts it out on the table" so to speak.
Well, so, my face turns all red and I start apoligizing to him! I didn't know what else to do! He's telling me it's not my fault and I'm saying, I know but I still feel bad because apparently this is a rumor that was started back around Christmas when all the Neil stuff was going on and it's been causing fights between him and his g/f (a housekeeper at the hotel). The entire front desk except this other 3rd shifter has known about this rumor this entire time and no one, not one single soul has decided to inform me. They didn't tell the other 3rd shifter because they knew she'd tell me. She only found out because the security guy came up and told her he was scared to work with me because I "have the hots for him."
I don't know, I mean...we talked about it and everything is fine but my nerves are just sooo shot to hell. I am just so internally upset at every one of my co-workers I really never want to see any of their faces ever again as long as I live. (except the other 3rd shifter).
Just can not fathom what I did to make them so jealous of me beyond 'stealing the limelight' when all the Neil stuff was going on. But to take that and turn it against me is just so heartless and so mean I can't imagine how someone could hate me so much. I literally pride myeself on being honest, sweet and loyal. Those are my best traits and I just can't imagine how they could really hate me that much.
I don't know, then all night I had to hear Stephanie go on and on about how her b/f had ditched her and hadn't called her all day (he like has to 'check in' with her once an hour or she's upset). <---Control Issues! Well, she went on and on about how they'd agreed that he would only drink a 24 pack a week and how he'd already broken that this week and it was funny because all of a sudden, something inside me snapped. Something inside me just at that moment wanted that beer more than any other single item in the entire universe. I walked out of work tonight actually shaking just because of lack of sleep worrying about this. I mean, all the housekeepers know about it, the security guy and his g/f have been fighting for months about this....and all the time I was totally int he dark getting 'better' through my recovery. All this time, all this was going on and I had no clue.
So, I ended up stopping at the store on the way home and buying a pack of ciggerettes. Mind you, I don't smoke...but I used to when I drank and I did for awhile once I quit. It's kinda my ' beer without the beer'. Now, I got home and Dave is gone. His car is here and he's not. I know I'm going to get some snotty response about how I'm out of work at 11pm every night and I never come home till 12 because I stand there talking. I'm just so stressed I feel like I'm just reading to burst over this. I know it's all over and I know it's all done with but how do I continue going to work and look and socialize with these people I hate? I mean, they are so nice to me but they backstab me in a heartbeat ya know? All I've ever been is nice to them, I just don't understand. Jealousy is a funny thing.
And ya know...why does the security guy's name have to be Shane???
Stacey
I thought I'd start a thread about stress and how it effects sobriety.
I've been having the issue at work about my co-worker telling the security guy that I "have the hots for him and I sleep around". Today I had to work with her for the first time since hearing that and I literally only got 3 hours of sleep last night worrying about how to react to this. I just really have absolutly no tolerance for conflict and there it was, staring me in the face. I mean, it still is to a point I suppose.
So, I went into work and I just pretended that everything was fine. She was nice, almost to the point of being friendly with me. Later in the night, after she left and 3rd shift had come on, including this new security Joann, the other 3rd shifter just comes right out while he's there and "puts it out on the table" so to speak.
Well, so, my face turns all red and I start apoligizing to him! I didn't know what else to do! He's telling me it's not my fault and I'm saying, I know but I still feel bad because apparently this is a rumor that was started back around Christmas when all the Neil stuff was going on and it's been causing fights between him and his g/f (a housekeeper at the hotel). The entire front desk except this other 3rd shifter has known about this rumor this entire time and no one, not one single soul has decided to inform me. They didn't tell the other 3rd shifter because they knew she'd tell me. She only found out because the security guy came up and told her he was scared to work with me because I "have the hots for him."
I don't know, I mean...we talked about it and everything is fine but my nerves are just sooo shot to hell. I am just so internally upset at every one of my co-workers I really never want to see any of their faces ever again as long as I live. (except the other 3rd shifter).
Just can not fathom what I did to make them so jealous of me beyond 'stealing the limelight' when all the Neil stuff was going on. But to take that and turn it against me is just so heartless and so mean I can't imagine how someone could hate me so much. I literally pride myeself on being honest, sweet and loyal. Those are my best traits and I just can't imagine how they could really hate me that much.
I don't know, then all night I had to hear Stephanie go on and on about how her b/f had ditched her and hadn't called her all day (he like has to 'check in' with her once an hour or she's upset). <---Control Issues! Well, she went on and on about how they'd agreed that he would only drink a 24 pack a week and how he'd already broken that this week and it was funny because all of a sudden, something inside me snapped. Something inside me just at that moment wanted that beer more than any other single item in the entire universe. I walked out of work tonight actually shaking just because of lack of sleep worrying about this. I mean, all the housekeepers know about it, the security guy and his g/f have been fighting for months about this....and all the time I was totally int he dark getting 'better' through my recovery. All this time, all this was going on and I had no clue.
So, I ended up stopping at the store on the way home and buying a pack of ciggerettes. Mind you, I don't smoke...but I used to when I drank and I did for awhile once I quit. It's kinda my ' beer without the beer'. Now, I got home and Dave is gone. His car is here and he's not. I know I'm going to get some snotty response about how I'm out of work at 11pm every night and I never come home till 12 because I stand there talking. I'm just so stressed I feel like I'm just reading to burst over this. I know it's all over and I know it's all done with but how do I continue going to work and look and socialize with these people I hate? I mean, they are so nice to me but they backstab me in a heartbeat ya know? All I've ever been is nice to them, I just don't understand. Jealousy is a funny thing.
And ya know...why does the security guy's name have to be Shane???
Stacey
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, Stacey, and welcome back! How'd everything go?
You didn't drink, even though you had an urge to. Urges are normal, ya know? You know work causes you stress; stress is likely to lead to urges. As long as you don't act on the urges...then it's 'just' a matter of dealing with the stress.
Personally, I don't think cigarettes are a real good way to deal with that. In fact, I have rather strong opinions about smoking. I've never really done it, except experimenting when I was a teenager, but my impression is that smoking is one of the hardest habits to quit. Chewing gum would be an improvement.
In my opinion dealing with stress is key to sobriety -- if we believe that drinking will reduce stress. You -- we -- still have urges because in the past we used drinking to postpone dealing with the issues which caused our stress. That pathway is still there in our brains, but that option is just no longer on the table.
When you know your self--that you are in a committed relationship, you are married, you don't 'sleep around'--and if you have grown comfortable with that and confident in that, then you will worry less about what other people are saying and doing. What they're saying is embarrassing, it's humiliating, and those two emotions tend to lead to anger and stress. But if you can recognize that your emotions are arising from other peoples' irrational beliefs, not your own, you can get over your pique and not let it fester.
'I know who I am. They can say what they like.' It's really that simple.
I still think it's time for you to look for another job....this one seems to drive you crazy!
Don S
You didn't drink, even though you had an urge to. Urges are normal, ya know? You know work causes you stress; stress is likely to lead to urges. As long as you don't act on the urges...then it's 'just' a matter of dealing with the stress.
Personally, I don't think cigarettes are a real good way to deal with that. In fact, I have rather strong opinions about smoking. I've never really done it, except experimenting when I was a teenager, but my impression is that smoking is one of the hardest habits to quit. Chewing gum would be an improvement.
In my opinion dealing with stress is key to sobriety -- if we believe that drinking will reduce stress. You -- we -- still have urges because in the past we used drinking to postpone dealing with the issues which caused our stress. That pathway is still there in our brains, but that option is just no longer on the table.
When you know your self--that you are in a committed relationship, you are married, you don't 'sleep around'--and if you have grown comfortable with that and confident in that, then you will worry less about what other people are saying and doing. What they're saying is embarrassing, it's humiliating, and those two emotions tend to lead to anger and stress. But if you can recognize that your emotions are arising from other peoples' irrational beliefs, not your own, you can get over your pique and not let it fester.
'I know who I am. They can say what they like.' It's really that simple.
I still think it's time for you to look for another job....this one seems to drive you crazy!
Don S
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Stacy;
Don gave you some good information. He also stated something that hit me like a brick when I read you say what you were doing. He said;
"Personally, I don't think cigarettes are a real good way to deal with that."
Let me assure you, cigarettes are NOT the answer! I am trying to quit - NO - I AM quitting! But, this is far from my first attempt. Nicotine addiction is very difficult to quit - as hard as heroin, so I've read. (this really does give me some insight into what son is going through!)
You are getting past drinking, and it appears as if you are doing well. You made it through this stressful situation without drinking! YEA!!!
Don't pick up a new addiction, please. It has been 34 years for me. Trust me, it really does SUCK!
Gum; yea, that's an idea. Chew your stress away!
Shalom!
Don gave you some good information. He also stated something that hit me like a brick when I read you say what you were doing. He said;
"Personally, I don't think cigarettes are a real good way to deal with that."
Let me assure you, cigarettes are NOT the answer! I am trying to quit - NO - I AM quitting! But, this is far from my first attempt. Nicotine addiction is very difficult to quit - as hard as heroin, so I've read. (this really does give me some insight into what son is going through!)
You are getting past drinking, and it appears as if you are doing well. You made it through this stressful situation without drinking! YEA!!!
Don't pick up a new addiction, please. It has been 34 years for me. Trust me, it really does SUCK!
Gum; yea, that's an idea. Chew your stress away!
Shalom!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
You know, I was doing the gum technique for quite awhile because I used to chew gum like it was going out of style when I was younger. That worked for a long time but sometime while we were on the trip my back/top right wisdom tooth decided to kinda break in half so the nerve ending was just laying there bare for awhile. It hurt really really bad the one night, but basically it kinda stopped hurting like it was and now it's down to a dull ache. I keep trying to remind myself to call the dentist but I don't have insurance at my sucky job and I know it's just going to cost me an arm n' a leg but I have to get them out. So, ever since then chewing gum has become next to impossible. Sigh...maybe I should try. I've gone through 3 ciggerettes i the past 24 hours and I know it's not a hard thing to pick up so....I shouldn't even start. I mean, I never made it to a real smoker ever. 1 pack lasted me like 3 months, that's at the most smoking I did! I guess lately though I've hesitated barly at all before grabbing one. Last night Joann just sat and talked with Shane and me all together but she tends to talk just to hear herself listen so I never really got to talk to Shane myself at all. I kinda just wanted to get things set andthat's it ya know? Joann had to wander into a million different subjects though so the original subject kept getting lost in the clutter of meaningless conversation. Everything was going well tonight, I was working with Don. Until he just had to open his mouth. My parents were standing there and this lady calls and gets snotty with me about not wanting to plung her own toliet. (word of advice, if you go to a hotel and happen to plug the toliet, don't be so arrogent as to refuse to plunge it yourself! It really sux for the people working. I mean, reverse the situation...do you want to plung someone else's poo? Didn't think so!) Anyways, so Shane was coming around the corner and I kinda went..."Shane....with this big "I want something"" smile on my face. He comes around the corner and I was like...i can't even ask, nevermind...I'll just do it. (Note to self: The only thing meaner than a guest calling and asking for someone to plunge their poo is trying to pawn the job onto someone else that works there!) Don steps in and goes...will you go plunge this toliet? He kinda rolls his eyes and says sure. Well, when Don talked to the lady she called him Honeybuns apparently. Shane comes back to head upstairs and I go...Thanks Shane! and Don goes...She called ya honeybuns! He was referring to the lady in the room, but the way it sounded it was like I had called him Honeybuns. Sigh....I covered my face, my parents cracked up because I kinda went...No! Not m......Aggghhh!
Yeah, so...by this point it's just kidna a joke and it doesn't bother me so much but still...not enough time has passed to be even saying anything that may even sound in the slightest like I'm calling Shane Honeybuns ya know?
BTW: I gathered up all my muster tonight and talked to Patty, Shane's G/f. I told her no hard feelings, assured her it was just a rumor and apoligized for any trouble it may have caused. It took guts but... I did it.
So, that was my day...I have tomarrow off and I'm going to try and just give away that pack of ciggerettes or something, I don't need them. I haven't been to a meeting since Tuesday so...I really could use one.
Anyways, ...sigh, any suggestions beyond gum are appreciated!
Stacey
Yeah, so...by this point it's just kidna a joke and it doesn't bother me so much but still...not enough time has passed to be even saying anything that may even sound in the slightest like I'm calling Shane Honeybuns ya know?
BTW: I gathered up all my muster tonight and talked to Patty, Shane's G/f. I told her no hard feelings, assured her it was just a rumor and apoligized for any trouble it may have caused. It took guts but... I did it.
So, that was my day...I have tomarrow off and I'm going to try and just give away that pack of ciggerettes or something, I don't need them. I haven't been to a meeting since Tuesday so...I really could use one.
Anyways, ...sigh, any suggestions beyond gum are appreciated!
Stacey
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