caboblanco

just had a visit from my sister and her husband for a day. we did a few things together. i noticed that my brother in law seemed irritated the whole day. Nothing we showed him was even close to being good enough for him. Be it the food or the state park or the shopping. My sister said he was stressed out from his job and he needed some

change of scenery from the city so they came out and visited me. he would play with his phone constantly and you could talk to him and it would take him 30 seconds to answer..to which he would say what? I don't know what his deal is but he seems to have no respect for me or think I'm somebody that can be considered in the same league that he

is in. He asked me to buy 2 cigars for later..so I did and when it came time to smoking them...i would start a conversation and he wouldn't even listen to me..he would just say ..yeah..then after only a few puffs he says he's going inside..and cuts it off just like that. i don't know why he

has such a low opinion of me...he really doesn't know who I am and what I've done and seen...he pretty much thinks I'm a joke...it just puts me in a mindset i haven't been in a while...and not a good one..

freshstart57

Maybe your sister is right, maybe he is facing disaster at work for some reason or other, and can't see any way past it. Maybe he feels his world is crashing down around him and is about to jump out of his skin, or just break down in a blubbering mess. This might have absolutely nothing to do with you, cabo. We each of us are just trying to find a way to get through our day.

Maybe he really just needed a break as she said, a change of scenery. He might even need your ear. Just be cool, make it available, and don't make it about you.

caboblanco

Yeah..fresh..but that's just the way he always treated me. I guess I just have to put up with it

PhaseTwo

He sounds like a dick. You seem like a smart articulate person so I don't have any other explanation as to why he can't at least make basic conversation, stress or not.

Pipping

I was trying to think of something positive to say but for whatever reason it's not happening for me. I second what Phase said. He might just be a bit of a dick.

EndGameNYC

Someone, anyone, who treats me in such a manner is not welcome in my home.

foolsgold66

Why don't you just ask him why he has a stick up his ass?

NoJimmy

I agree he's either playing some weird passive aggro deal or he's a but whole. I'd ask him to clarify which it is.

ScottFromWI

Let him play with his phone and enjoy your sisters company.

caboblanco

lol jimmy im dying. I think I might try that per diem

FeelingGreat

Hey CB, when I'm treated that way by someone I say to myself, 'I can't control the behaviour of other people, I can only control my response to it'. It does help.
FWIW if he's not behaving like a human being, don't put yourself out to do too much for him. If you're up to saying 'you seem very tense this weekend' then try that and see what he says.

Carlotta

One thing I learned in Al Anon which took a while to sink in is that what other people think of me is none of my business.

It seems like he's got issues and unlike you (with SR) has nowhere to talk about them. Aren't you glad you don't live in his head and that you have a safe place where you can share what's going on with you good and bad?

NoJimmy

I think he's been taking advantage of your good nature, I bet a direct approach will gain you his respect or absence. I imagine either would be an improvement.

LadyinBC

Absolutely brilliant and it is so true!

I'm picturing grumpy desk cat shaking his paw and saying 'it's none of your business what they think of you so never mind, so move on and get back to business!"

jdooner

I am guessing there is a lack of respect but he also has his own issues and is stressed. If your relationship is stronger with your sis, I would talk to her first. If you know she will mention to him, I would then confront him. Maybe while the two of you are doi something like having a cigar. Ask him if you have done something and that makes his skin crawl...when he say no then ask him why he is acting this way. This is how I would handle it....not saying its right.

ImperfectlyMe

I know sometimes I'm guilty of taking ownership of other people's actions. While I don't know the full backstory, it may have had very little to do with you. A distracted person who's stuck in their head with their own thoughts can come off as rude and uninterested when they are really just stuck spinning in their own rat wheel.

Talk to your sister, and don't take it personal.

caboblanco

Thanks for the replies guys. I just needed to get this off my chest because it really threw me for a negative loop for a bit. You guys helped me though.
I did ask my sister a question like if year ago if i rub him the wrong way and she said No of course. She said that he is stressed at work. Its not like I have to see him everyday so it's ok.

Johno1967

Advice in the "Pocket Sponsor" on dealing with assholes:
1. I don't let assholes rent space in my head
2. When too many assholes get in my way, it means I need a check up from the neck up (steps 1 to 3)
3. It's easy to see the difference between ourselves and *******...., unless at the moment were the *******.
4. What others think of me is none of my business.

Worst part about this is you probably wasted a good cigar!
Laugh it off. One born every minute

karate

I would have done that too , he should have stayed home and spared everyone dealing with him.

Mountainmanbob

either friend or family
I see no reason to hang out with a person such as this


Mountainman