needtostopthis

I am 4 days sober today. For all that don't know I was a binger, I drank about every 3 days and when I drank I would consume probably 8 shots,( maybe more, you lose count when drinking that much) anyway so today really only feels like I have accomplished one extra day and a can feel the pull to drink today. I have been very stressed out because at 32 I don't have a job and my husband has been struggling with his painting job. He has been losing hours lately. I feel like a failure, I worked in retail 3 years ago but now I am a stay at home mom. I only did a little college and I worry about what I am doing with my life all the time. I see all my friends with good careers and it makes me feel like a I am doing nothing with my life. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to do and nothing comes to mind. I can't afford college right now and having a child makes it hard to work, I pick him up at 11am from preschool everyday so a job needs to work around that. Anyway this all makes me feel like I need to drink. I feel like can't cope. I know if I drink I will stop worrying. It doesn't help that tomorrow is my birthday and on every other birthday I drank to celebrate. I know it sounds so dumb but I feel like I deserve to be able to drink on my dang birthday. I don't know, maybe I am just not going to be able to do this sober thing right now. I can be so gung ho about it one day and then the next I think come on you didn't drink THAT MUCH. You can drink. I know its my AV telling me all this stuff. I just feel so anxious and depressed and lost.

Dee74

Have you thought about finding more support than just SR?
It might be helpful to have some face to face support as well?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

PurpleKnight

You can do this "Sober thing" . . . we all had those same fears, but as Dee mentioned maybe more support is needed!!

I wouldn't worry about what others have or have achieved, you are living your own life and you don't need to compare yourself to anyone, alcohol though will not make things better but worse, I guarantee it!! . . . but with the right support you can make it!!

needtostopthis

Yes I have. I just seems like I need the push to get out there. I think AA might help me but I just don't have the time. I am home with my son all day and no one will watch him for me. Well I guess I could go to one while he is at preschool so maybe that might work. I don't know. Maybe I don't want this enough? I am finding myself making excuses today. I hope you all don't think I am a jerk? I do want to stop drinking but I have days when I go no I don't. My husband also hates AA so he rolls his eyes when I talk about it. He hates it because he was court ordered into it for dui years ago. He holds resentment for it I think.

PurpleKnight

Nobody thinks that, we all just want to help, having gone through exactly what your feeling now, we want you to get through it too!

I also though in my first week, maybe I can't do this, maybe I don't really want to quit, maybe I'm destined to drink for the rest of my days . . . well 63 days Sober later, I still have some of those thoughts.

All I keep doing is making sure TODAY I am sober, I then wake up fresh and focus on a new TODAY, somehow I've managed 63 TODAYS, and that is all you need to do!!

needtostopthis

I hate to admit this but I drank. I didn't drink a lot and I feel alright today. Normally I would have gotten wasted and felt really bad today, but I feel okay. I am not saying what I did was alright in any way though. I am gonna get right back on the wagon and just try again. One plus side is my husband finally says he feels the same way about alcohol and wants to try to quit now too. Thank god.

KateL

I have had the best Christmases and birthdays sober xxxx Have a nice birthday xxxx

karate

One good point , I found is since you don't drink daily

You have no psysical dependence , that was my fight . The withdrawals
Did them many times , white knuckle , no meds

TigerLili

You said in your first post that you didn't know if you were a binge drinker and that you drink approx 8 shots every three days. That is definitely binge drinking. Please be in no doubt about that.

Can I suggest going to a meeting and seeing what you think? If you've never been, or have only been to a couple, you really don't know what is on offer and whether it's for you.

I'd say most of us didn't WANT to quit, but knew we HAD to and therefore had to take action in the absence of motivation. You're in exactly that predicament.

DoPerdition

Can I ask if your husband is still a heavy/binge drinker too? If so, does he take your efforts to get sober seriously or is he still drinking in front of you and bringing alcohol into the house?

A DUI is not something that most normal drinkers will ever have to deal with so that's why I ask. If he didn't take AA seriously, I wonder if his influence is effecting your choices at all. I know that if my SO drank often or left his alcohol out for me to see on a daily basis, I would have a much harder time resisting temptation.

needtostopthis

I never said i wasn't a binger. I know i am. I am not in denial about any part of my alcoholism. I have been to AA loads of times, i went with my husband before we were married. I am not against it in any way. It just didn't seem right for me. Now It seems it may be my only choice at this point. Maybe now that i really WANT TO quit i may see AA in a different way.

sj999

This is in response to your concerns about seeing friends and other your age moving on and accomplishing things with your lives. Theodore Roosevelt once said "comparison is the thief of joy," and I can say firsthand NO GOOD has ever come from comparing myself to others. It is hard for me too because I have had setbacks due to both my physical and mental health, and am not where I thought I would be at this stage in my life. But the way I see it, I have had to overcome more than most people realize. The only way to truly fail is to give up. You can start today and take your life in any direction you want to take it. Don't dwell on missed opportunity. The most impressive people I've met are those who have had to quietly overcome personal struggles before moving on to greatness. They are under-appreciated and often late bloomers, but they are amazing nonetheless. For now, focus on getting and staying sober, on improving your physical and mental health and getting your life to be good and stable. Be patient. Then I think that you will start to find greater things to work towards. Timelines are arbitrary. Society really likes to impose them, but they are honestly quite meaningless.

By the way, happy belated birthday! You really can make this next year of your life be anything you want it to be. Seek the support you need and, most of all, believe in yourself.