karate

Some friends and family had a gathering , none of them are drunks ,
But quite a few drank too much .

Really odd , to be the only sober one there , what a change that was .

I made up for not getting to drink with food consumption
I'm sure I ate enough for three normal people .

Not a bad night , except wife got drunk , and I let her fall down by accident
After that I had to laugh for a few minutes .

Dan Dare

Good job in keeping your resolve.
Keep it going!

jdooner

Karate - good job.

Do you think you let your wife fall down to subconsciously punish her? I find it interesting you use the phrase "you let her fall by accident" and then laughed about it.

Part of this journey for me has been becoming a better person. When I was drinking I would have done the same thing, laugh at my wife for falling down drunk. Its interesting you did this sober.

Turninganewleaf

I wonder how many times your wife laughed at you when you fell down drunk or were stumbling around??

Carlotta

That's not a very loving thing to do There is a huge difference between detaching with love and cruelty. She could have hurt herself and it is not funny.

karate

Okay , you caught me. In fact I guess I could have tried a bit harder to catch her
I was intoxicated by laughter

karate

I'm just not a very good person I guess , but I have Acceptence of that .

jdooner

Karate, you are screaming towards a relapse. Your posts are like a connect the dot puzzle for a five year old.

While your posts provide a certain level of entertainment, I am torn bc I can empathize with your struggle and feel your pain. You seem stubborn and strong willed and perhaps a bit blind. I just hope you start to open yourself up to this process if you really want to change for yourself, your family and children. You have been at it for a while...i would get frustrated spinning my wheels. White knuckling is not working for you and won't. Have you thought of AVRT? Maybe for someone as strong willed as you would benefit from this approach.

I don't think you are a bad person but a bit misguided.

jdooner

Btw I think you wanted to be called out. Whether aware or not, I think you are reaching out for help in this thread. So many here including myself want to help and see your success.

karate

I never once made the post saying I was sane .

But I'm pretty happy in whatever level of insanity I'm in at the present time .

For whatever reason , I never fit into a group . This group is no diffrent .

Although , this group is well meaning .

I'm the proverbial square peg in the round hole .
I'm used to that as well

I'm a bit of a nonconformist by nature , can't change it now ,actually I'm not sure i really want to .

My personality seems to aggravate everyone , but me .

I don't actually care too much for people in person , most of them are pretty boring .

Here , I can speak , or close the computer .

I'm glad someone is entertained . We accomplished Somthing today .

RobbyRobot

Oh, you fit in Karate. More than you know apparently. Its just eventually your ideas on fitting in will need to be updated. This group can help you make all the difference. We all have had some of that not fitting in feelings too.

karate

I'm going to have to give that a bit of thought .

But the point is we all drank or drink now because of some underlining mental issue .

I have spent quite a bit of time and money trying to alleviate my own problems .

Of course there is always more work to be done .

jdooner

Karate - I am taking the time because I care. This might not be apparent and maybe I am not the best with words. I can so relate to where you are because I went through all this myself. All the Bravado, testosterone - I am the same man. I did not fit either - all my life. I too and a dad, husband, and an alcoholic and addict. Take a look at my posts if care. I am just trying to save you some heartache. I was fortunate enough that people on this board and close to me cared enough to do what I am trying to do for you.

You have all the tools and you also have the power to screw it up. You have everything you need. I am just trying to help you see it. Go back and read your own posts - all the answers and clues are right there - your words, not mine.

RobbyRobot

Well, not all of us, Karate. My back in the day mental issues were not the 'reason' why I drank like I did. Drinking in a lot of ways self-medicated me until it didn't. And when it didn't, quitting became something that made me aware of just how deluded I had become. Alcohol and me became one, and quitting soon became an essential deal-breaker for me. What I'm saying is I travelled too far down the road with alcohol to just quit without also completely changing out my psyche - the totality of my mind - from an alcoholic-minded person into a sober-minded person. For me, just quitting wouldn't ever and wasn't ever enough. Change is still an essential action for me. It always will be now too.

Some of my incurable mental issues yet exist, Karate, and nonetheless I am sober. So although alcoholic drinking made my issues worse, I would have drank without these same issues, and since I've stayed sober and successful my issues were never the prime reasons for my drinking.

I drank alcoholically because of the space and experiences I good get into that I couldn't as easily without alcohol - in other words I drank alcohol for the effect it had on me. And I quit because eventually that effect was rotting me out, wrecking me, killing me actually.

tomsteve

terminal uniqueness. good luck with it.
yer as unique as a blade of grass.

I hope ya dont think that by the responses ya get from yer posts that you feel you have to power to aggravate anyone here. personally im sittin here this mornin, pretty peaceful,thinkin im gonna be readin a thread from ya,"I drank AGAIN" within a week.
yes, you can close the computer...when what ya read aggravates ya.

I hope you at least apologize to your wife for allowing her to fall. real big of ya there to get a laugh at the expense of yer wife, but prolly justified by she was drunk and didnt get hurt.
I don't think anyone is entertained by your threads and if that is what your motive is for being here, ya got the wrong motive.

nigey1

Hope you can sort yourself Karate.