shell shocked
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 31
shell shocked
Well I dont know if any of you remember me but I started some threads
about a year ago when I was going through alcohol withdrawals for the first
time. I ended up going to rehab at the beginning of 2013 and stayed sober for
about 5 months before relapsing hard and binge drinking for almost 5 months
straight.
I am currently 3 weeks sober but I'm noticing this time is a lot different then the first time I got sober. I'll try to explain. (discretion, horror story)
The last 2 months before I got sober have been the hardest most terrifying 2 months of my life.
I was in and out of the emergency rooms and detox centers in my unsuccessful attempts to quit drinking
living with a girlfriend who was verbally and physically abusive and having no family in the area to help me with what I was going through
I could not stop drinking for the life of me. near the end if I wanted to sleep I had to set an alarm clock every 3 hours to wake up and drink to avoid withdrawals
it was a very lonely spot to be in and I was so sure that I wasn't going to make it through it. I made promises to god wrote good bye letters in case I didn't make it through. it was really bad. I'm not going to go into more detail at the moment but pretty much I feel like I have been given a second chance
The only thing is now that I'm sober I feel shell shocked. I was fighting what felt like a losing battle on my own for so long. I feel like it broke my spirit.
I'm so cynical now towards everything. things that used to make me happy just seem trivial and pointless. I'm living with my parents for a bit while I get my **** together
It feels like I got back from a war ( I don't think it's fair to compare the two because I have never been to war and have no idea what that would be like)
but I dont really know how else to explain it. I had an awesome up bringing and have never really gone through anything too traumatic until last year
it's just weird going from the loneliest most desperate place I have ever been and then trying to fit back into normal society
has anyone else gone through something similar to what I am explaining? how did you overcome it? how long did it take?
about a year ago when I was going through alcohol withdrawals for the first
time. I ended up going to rehab at the beginning of 2013 and stayed sober for
about 5 months before relapsing hard and binge drinking for almost 5 months
straight.
I am currently 3 weeks sober but I'm noticing this time is a lot different then the first time I got sober. I'll try to explain. (discretion, horror story)
The last 2 months before I got sober have been the hardest most terrifying 2 months of my life.
I was in and out of the emergency rooms and detox centers in my unsuccessful attempts to quit drinking
living with a girlfriend who was verbally and physically abusive and having no family in the area to help me with what I was going through
I could not stop drinking for the life of me. near the end if I wanted to sleep I had to set an alarm clock every 3 hours to wake up and drink to avoid withdrawals
it was a very lonely spot to be in and I was so sure that I wasn't going to make it through it. I made promises to god wrote good bye letters in case I didn't make it through. it was really bad. I'm not going to go into more detail at the moment but pretty much I feel like I have been given a second chance
The only thing is now that I'm sober I feel shell shocked. I was fighting what felt like a losing battle on my own for so long. I feel like it broke my spirit.
I'm so cynical now towards everything. things that used to make me happy just seem trivial and pointless. I'm living with my parents for a bit while I get my **** together
It feels like I got back from a war ( I don't think it's fair to compare the two because I have never been to war and have no idea what that would be like)
but I dont really know how else to explain it. I had an awesome up bringing and have never really gone through anything too traumatic until last year
it's just weird going from the loneliest most desperate place I have ever been and then trying to fit back into normal society
has anyone else gone through something similar to what I am explaining? how did you overcome it? how long did it take?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I remember you Julius. Welcome back 
Sorry you had such a tough time of it. But well done on those initial 5 months! That proves you can do this. Yeah it is tough trying to fit back into normal society. To be honest I just didn't bother trying for a long time. There is no reason to rush this. Just concentrate on staying sober and everything will fall into place eventually x Come here often and don't isolate yourself though x
Sorry you had such a tough time of it. But well done on those initial 5 months! That proves you can do this. Yeah it is tough trying to fit back into normal society. To be honest I just didn't bother trying for a long time. There is no reason to rush this. Just concentrate on staying sober and everything will fall into place eventually x Come here often and don't isolate yourself though x
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I don't think anyone goes through exactly the same thing as anyone else, but my last time out there was pretty miserable. I cursed my alcoholism and I was bitter about my fate. Then, slowly, things changed, and on most levels became far better than ever. I came to the conclusion that the adversity was something that was necessary, in my particular case, in order for me to reach this better state.
This reminds me of a story:
There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.
This reminds me of a story:
There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I remember you too Julius - welcome back
I felt a little out of sync with everyone else for a little while - for me, at about the 90 day mark things started to get better.
You may find that happens sooner
D
I felt a little out of sync with everyone else for a little while - for me, at about the 90 day mark things started to get better.
You may find that happens sooner
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
I just want to remind you that it took a tremendous amount of strength for you to start this whole process. You're starting to make better choices, and you're taking the steps to get well. It won't happen over night, but you ARE doing it. You didn't give up and things will get better. They HAVE to! :-) I hope you can find a way to be proud of the steps you're taking, however small.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
It generally takes as long as it takes. No everyone likes to hear this, but besides my own experience, there's no way to know when someone else will feel or act as though they're more fully committed to achieving sobriety. A lot of this has to do with you and your relationships with both alcohol and sobriety.
Sometimes we find ourselves stuck, and we don't know what to do. Other times, we feel stuck, know what to do, but either cannot or will not do what is necessary.
The thing to do is to act, to live as a sober person, to get as much help as you can, and bring to bear all your personal resources to get sober.
I was very much where you are during my three-year relapse, and I didn't learn a thing from it. There was no silver lining in all the pain and suffering I'd brought upon myself and others. For me to even search for meaning in my relapse was equivalent to thinking that relapse is okay, as long as I learn something from it or otherwise get something out of it. I only accepted what I needed to do to heal once I committed to staying sober, which only occurred several months into abstinence.
Sobriety isn't a thought process; nor is it the result of self reflection, self knowledge. It's not a feeling, a hope or a wish. It's an action followed by other sober actions. Sobriety is not what we think, what we feel or what we decide; it's what we do.
Sometimes we find ourselves stuck, and we don't know what to do. Other times, we feel stuck, know what to do, but either cannot or will not do what is necessary.
The thing to do is to act, to live as a sober person, to get as much help as you can, and bring to bear all your personal resources to get sober.
I was very much where you are during my three-year relapse, and I didn't learn a thing from it. There was no silver lining in all the pain and suffering I'd brought upon myself and others. For me to even search for meaning in my relapse was equivalent to thinking that relapse is okay, as long as I learn something from it or otherwise get something out of it. I only accepted what I needed to do to heal once I committed to staying sober, which only occurred several months into abstinence.
Sobriety isn't a thought process; nor is it the result of self reflection, self knowledge. It's not a feeling, a hope or a wish. It's an action followed by other sober actions. Sobriety is not what we think, what we feel or what we decide; it's what we do.
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