CommunityDawn

I'm sorry to post here like this. I am on a bender. It is 6.15am, and I have been on the cask wine since 8pm last night. I tired hard at AA and failed - because I kept busting. I am losing everything - relationships, career, and most importantly my little (very bright) 9 year old girl who thinks I'm `creepy' when I drink because I'm so calm then. It seems that i'm so far removed from the mother who played with her (sober and happy) at the beach today. I can't stop. I suck down cigarettes like you wouldn't believe. I am drowning close to 2 litres of cask wine a day. My mind is always active, ruminating either over problems in my career or problems in my relationship. I was happy at the beach yesterday with my child, but for some reason returned to my mind trap once we got home and I started drinking. My daughter is noticing it. She doesn't deserve it. Yet I have responsibilities and feel as though I can't make headway unless someone leaves me alone for a good week - so that I can do nothing other than recover. They say to keep busy when you're getting sober but I seem to be unusual: All I want is for all the busy pressure to stop. I'm too much in my head. I don't know how to stop. I've stopped many times in the past but for this reason I can't this time. I need new direction. Help.

CommunityDawn

Actually, the benders have been getting worse over the last couple of years. Once upon a time I could drink too much and wake up the next day. Now I can't seem to drink without staying up all night and screwing it all up. I know I have to stop. Nobody in my life deserves this - but how can I stop from such a huge amount
?

least

Could you schedule a medical detox? It might help you to stop drinking if the initial withdrawal was easier. I hope we can help you stop drinking. It will ruin your life if you let it.

doggonecarl

In-patient detox and rehab. Stop the slide before it's too late.

CommunityDawn

I'm not sure, least. I have to go back to work by Jan 30th, which means that I need to do detox before 23rd Jan. I could possibly have my child taken care of before then, but I'm scared. I know my liver is inflamed, that I sweat at night, that they will want to find something and find it. I hang on to the hope that I can just taper and quit on my own, and that I can start to feel better without any of the medical scares. Not sure if this makes any sense.

foolsgold66

You can stop. Don't buy booze, go to sleep, wake up, repeat. Log in here and read and post every day.

doggonecarl

Your fear make sense, but it's irrational. The things you fear the most are likely to occur IF YOU DON'T STOP. Yet our minds find ways to be afraid of the solution. You are on a deadly course. You need to take action.

KateL

I let my kids down time and tim again but they forgave and were just glad to have me back. 2 litres is a lot of wine. I used to drink wine and was never actually aware of how potent it was. Pehaps you should try detox. I was caught by the care authorities once but they were great and offered much help. They don't just drag your kids away usually. You want to do something so make a plan quickly and seek help. You can do it xxxxxx

Pipping

I think you should see a Dr and go from there. There are people that can and will help you and it sounds like you should definitely have medical supervision. I needed medical help and thought I could detox on my own. It only gets worse the more you drink. Alcohol will take you to places you would never imagine yourself being in. Once you start the all nighters and/ or morning drinking things deteriorate at a rapid place. Take care and I sincerely wish you all the best.

ScottFromWI

You already know you cannot quit on your own, you just admitted as much in the beginning of this thread. I'd recommend seeing a doctor and at least considering inpatient rehab. Alcoholism is progressive and you have now evidenced that by the fact that you are drinking literally beyond your control. It's possible, maybe even probable that you will lose control of your entire life next - things like losing your kids, losing your job, eventually losing your life. Those are very real possibilities and they happen quite frequently.

The good news is that there is still something inside you that knows that quitting is the best thing to do. You need to harness that energy before it dissapears and seek assistance. SR is a great place to find help, but to be honest it sounds like you need some local help and most likely medical assistance to get things turned around. Best of luck and please stay here with us.

Dee74

Hi CD

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I think seeing a Dr is a good first step.
If rehab is out of the question, maybe AA is worth a second go - did you have a sponsor last time?

D

CommunityDawn

Thank you to everybody who replied to my post. I have just got off the phone with a drug and alcohol counsellor after 12+ hours of drinking. She said that it may be hard to get detox before my return to work. She suggested that I work on tapering down by documenting everything that I drink (by exact quantities) and find a counsellor. She also suggested that I ring the detox centres if by chance that they can let me in but I'm scared of what they will find in my body. That's the thing. I'm really scared. What you all say makes sense - that it will be much worse if I don't stop now. But I'm scared.

Pipping

I know your scared, I was really scared as well so having people who are trained professionals will really ease that burden for you. If you can detox safetly then a big hurdle has been overcome. There is nothing easy or pleasant about what you are about to undertake but it sure beats the hell you are in still the moment. And it is hell, no ifs or buts about it. Be well and take care. We are all here to help you, post often and let us know what is going on.

ScottFromWI

I was scared too, but our bodies are amazingly resilient if we give them time to heal. Drinking heightens anxiety too so it's easy to make small pains, issues into big ones in our head. When I finally went and told a doctor my plans it was a HUGE relief. They are there to help you and take care of you, and on the off chance you do have something wrong it's much better to find out now and get help.

Dee74

Everyones scared, but I really think some medical supervision and input is vital, especially if you're going to attempt a taper.

D

1newcreation

Your only a failure when you quit trying

Sudz No More

Getting scared, that was my cue. I became motivated to start trying once I became afraid for myself. Like the counselor said, measure out an amount and stick to it, then cut back a few ounces a day until you can safely stop for good. This exactly what I did when I began trying to be sober and it worked for the first run at sobriety. The hard part was the next two years of slips until I learned what I needed for myself to stay sober.

One thing at a time though, for starters, taper down and get sober. Get a weekly counselor to feel accountable to and stick to it. The only thing that will solve it once and for all is time. Like my signature says, you may not have known when it would happen but now it has and you should take this moment and embrace it. The time is now...

EndGameNYC

All that you're doing right now is only leaving you more frightened, and when you're frightened, you drink more, and when you drink more, you're more frightened...

Please get to detox and reclaim your health and your life.