Being Honest. Ugly truth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
Being Honest. Ugly truth.
Hi guys.
I need to be honest with someone. So here goes...
Today is day 7 without a drink. It has a been a LONG time since I've had 7 days without a drink. But I am not proud of myself. I know that one of the only reasons I got to day 7 is because I've had a horrible kidney infection and was taking Bactrim, which I read can cause an antabuse type reaction if you drink on this antibiotic. Kidney infection pain is lessening. And I'm almost done with the Bactrim.
I was brought to my knees, (literally), by the pain of a kidney infection and couldn't even imagine drinking. Once the pain started to ease up, my mind immediately went to having a drink. But I looked up the Bactrim/Alcohol reaction online and was too scared to test it. But on Monday night I'm done with the Bactrim.
What pisses me off is that the pain of the kidney infection and the fear of an antabuse type reaction with the antibiotic were enough to get me to stay away from the booze. But I know the minute both of those "obstacles" are cleared away, i.e. Tuesday morning, I will be vulnerable. In other words, the threat of immediate pain and reaction kept me dry, but the threat of further damaging my kidneys, my liver, my entire body, does NOT keep me dry. Kind of a weird paradox, no?
If something is going to kill me NOW, well then HELL, I'm all for being sober. But long term **** that MIGHT (probably will) kill me? eh... I'll take my chance.
Feeling like a loser right now. Sorry for rambling. I hope this makes sense. Don't mean to be a mopey *******. I just... kinda figured being non drunk for 7 days in a row (SEVEN DAYS!!!) would feel pretty cool. But all I feel is apprehension for Tuesday morning when my current, immediate health crisis is over.
Whatever. I suck.
CD
I need to be honest with someone. So here goes...
Today is day 7 without a drink. It has a been a LONG time since I've had 7 days without a drink. But I am not proud of myself. I know that one of the only reasons I got to day 7 is because I've had a horrible kidney infection and was taking Bactrim, which I read can cause an antabuse type reaction if you drink on this antibiotic. Kidney infection pain is lessening. And I'm almost done with the Bactrim.
I was brought to my knees, (literally), by the pain of a kidney infection and couldn't even imagine drinking. Once the pain started to ease up, my mind immediately went to having a drink. But I looked up the Bactrim/Alcohol reaction online and was too scared to test it. But on Monday night I'm done with the Bactrim.
What pisses me off is that the pain of the kidney infection and the fear of an antabuse type reaction with the antibiotic were enough to get me to stay away from the booze. But I know the minute both of those "obstacles" are cleared away, i.e. Tuesday morning, I will be vulnerable. In other words, the threat of immediate pain and reaction kept me dry, but the threat of further damaging my kidneys, my liver, my entire body, does NOT keep me dry. Kind of a weird paradox, no?
If something is going to kill me NOW, well then HELL, I'm all for being sober. But long term **** that MIGHT (probably will) kill me? eh... I'll take my chance.
Feeling like a loser right now. Sorry for rambling. I hope this makes sense. Don't mean to be a mopey *******. I just... kinda figured being non drunk for 7 days in a row (SEVEN DAYS!!!) would feel pretty cool. But all I feel is apprehension for Tuesday morning when my current, immediate health crisis is over.
Whatever. I suck.
CD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 246
I feel you.
1. You don't suck.
2. 7 days is great, how about just 7 more. There is this book you can kindle cheap about not drinking for just seven D's days and look at your drinking a new chapter for everyday, good questions to ask a way to make one moire week just to see....think you could do that, I see you think about it use some tools for help good luck I'm just a wee bit in front of you but lost count.
1. You don't suck.
2. 7 days is great, how about just 7 more. There is this book you can kindle cheap about not drinking for just seven D's days and look at your drinking a new chapter for everyday, good questions to ask a way to make one moire week just to see....think you could do that, I see you think about it use some tools for help good luck I'm just a wee bit in front of you but lost count.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Honesty will win the day for you, Cloud. Yeah it does suck for any of us to be down on ourselves of course, but you know, YOU don't suck Cloud, your despair sucks for sure, but NOT YOU!
Fears can be moderated and controlled, and so knowing that to be true, its just a matter of working the problem out for ourselves. You might want to re-think that the only reason you stayed dry was because of the reaction with the meds while drinking? Take a good hard look and I'm sure you can come up with some additional reasons why you have stayed dry seven days and counting. Be honest again with yourself. Your worth more then your giving yourself. No need to talk yourself down.
Congrats on your seven days, Cloud!!
Fears can be moderated and controlled, and so knowing that to be true, its just a matter of working the problem out for ourselves. You might want to re-think that the only reason you stayed dry was because of the reaction with the meds while drinking? Take a good hard look and I'm sure you can come up with some additional reasons why you have stayed dry seven days and counting. Be honest again with yourself. Your worth more then your giving yourself. No need to talk yourself down.
Congrats on your seven days, Cloud!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 37
CD . . . the thing is you don't have to suck.
I say this from experience. I have health problems that have forced me to quit. And, I think it is fair to say that I suck because I continued drinking despite these problems, putting my livelihood at risk, which means I've been putting my wife and daughter at risk. Only a person who sucks would do that.
That being said, I can choose not to "suck", by taking advantage of this, and continuing to NOT drink. That's the same decision you have to make.
Just look at this as an opportunity . . . .
I say this from experience. I have health problems that have forced me to quit. And, I think it is fair to say that I suck because I continued drinking despite these problems, putting my livelihood at risk, which means I've been putting my wife and daughter at risk. Only a person who sucks would do that.
That being said, I can choose not to "suck", by taking advantage of this, and continuing to NOT drink. That's the same decision you have to make.
Just look at this as an opportunity . . . .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 37
One last thing . . . everyone battling addiction goes through ups and downs. It may sound trite, but try and stay positive . . . you can get through this, but you have to try, and trying will be all the more difficult if you can't figure out how to stay positive.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Cloud, you need to change your perception.
First - you had a kidney infection AND are on a mega antibiotic. You haven't even BEGUN to feel the glory of feeling actually well. Your body is still in fight mode from both the infection as well as the bombardment of the medicine. I notice that some of my worst trigger times are when I'm sick. My mentality shifts to "well if I'm going to feel like rubbish, I might as well cop a buzz". I get this sort of distorted thinking.
However....
You have a week booze free - and that is HUGE. You are most likely out of the danger zone of all the nasties that come from withdrawal. But chances are you are feeling less than both physically (trigger) and mentally (huge trigger).
How's about you give yourself a little more time to heal, sans poison, and see what's on the otherside of maybe another week ?
If you still don't like your progress, you can always get a full refund on your misery then ?
Be well dear one.
First - you had a kidney infection AND are on a mega antibiotic. You haven't even BEGUN to feel the glory of feeling actually well. Your body is still in fight mode from both the infection as well as the bombardment of the medicine. I notice that some of my worst trigger times are when I'm sick. My mentality shifts to "well if I'm going to feel like rubbish, I might as well cop a buzz". I get this sort of distorted thinking.
However....
You have a week booze free - and that is HUGE. You are most likely out of the danger zone of all the nasties that come from withdrawal. But chances are you are feeling less than both physically (trigger) and mentally (huge trigger).
How's about you give yourself a little more time to heal, sans poison, and see what's on the otherside of maybe another week ?
If you still don't like your progress, you can always get a full refund on your misery then ?
Be well dear one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 47
Funny thing. Just talked to a friend of mine. He lives far away but is the only person that knows my full history and that I am currently honest with. Anyway I told him about this post, what it said etc. and he laughed. He laughed!!
He said years ago, before I chose to get married, have a family, I would have been like "Antibiotic and booze reaction? Cool, bring it on." And I guess he's right. I would have totally thrown caution to the wind and got loaded. He was trying to make me see that over the years I have made progress. It is quiet progress but its there. He ended by saying that he believes somewhere in me I have a strong desire to be sober. If I didn't, I wouldn't even have questioned the reaction. (As evidenced by the fact that a few years ago I "tested out" many drug interactions. And found most of them never happened. And I was all proud of that. Ugh... What a jerk I was.)
Anyway... Just thinking.
He said years ago, before I chose to get married, have a family, I would have been like "Antibiotic and booze reaction? Cool, bring it on." And I guess he's right. I would have totally thrown caution to the wind and got loaded. He was trying to make me see that over the years I have made progress. It is quiet progress but its there. He ended by saying that he believes somewhere in me I have a strong desire to be sober. If I didn't, I wouldn't even have questioned the reaction. (As evidenced by the fact that a few years ago I "tested out" many drug interactions. And found most of them never happened. And I was all proud of that. Ugh... What a jerk I was.)
Anyway... Just thinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
You are doing really well. I have seen reactions with Bactrim and alcohol in my line of work days after the course was finished- copious amounts of vomiting, tremors, hot flashes. All needed IV treatment. Infections seem to come back as well, kidneys don't cope too well with having a major infection then a whole load of booze to filter on top of it. Take care, you can do it!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
For the record I was flat out fabricating the residual anitbiotic thing. Horrible, I know, lying to a complete stranger.
Day 7 is great ! Why start drinking ,again?
Step 1 : quit, check this one(?)
Day 7 is great ! Why start drinking ,again?
Step 1 : quit, check this one(?)
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Well, you should be proud of yourself. Others might drink and to heck with the reaction. People have drunk methyl alcohol knowing full well it is poison. They weren't as honest as you. They denied the long term too.
It sounds like you have the right idea, but only quit this long for the meds. Are you like I was when I was drinking wishing I could stop but always tomorrow, or today then feeling so god about that decision decided to reward myself with one last day of drinking before I quit?
I also had to quit drinking for a three months from having to take blood thinners for a post knee surgery clot, then four years later for a month for preventive medicine before and after I had the second knee done. Then went on to bigger and better alcoholism and finally drinking to just be sober like.
What do YOU want to do?
It sounds like you have the right idea, but only quit this long for the meds. Are you like I was when I was drinking wishing I could stop but always tomorrow, or today then feeling so god about that decision decided to reward myself with one last day of drinking before I quit?
I also had to quit drinking for a three months from having to take blood thinners for a post knee surgery clot, then four years later for a month for preventive medicine before and after I had the second knee done. Then went on to bigger and better alcoholism and finally drinking to just be sober like.
What do YOU want to do?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 83
It's good that you're beating yourself over the head. The best thing moving forward is to be critical about it. If you ease up and act like it is no big deal then you're going to come up with any old excuses to drink again.
I know my own body and I know when something weird is going on and things have gotten weird in the last few months because of prolonged alcohol abuse that I started wising up and calling it quits while the going was good.
I feel so much better now. I can breath better. I sleep better. I eat better. I feel better. Everything is just so much better without alcohol.
Your kidney is crying out for you to stop. You should listen to it as well as listen to your heart and your liver. Do it a favor and rest and let it heal.
Nobody said it was easy so treat each day that you are sober as a blessing.
I know my own body and I know when something weird is going on and things have gotten weird in the last few months because of prolonged alcohol abuse that I started wising up and calling it quits while the going was good.
I feel so much better now. I can breath better. I sleep better. I eat better. I feel better. Everything is just so much better without alcohol.
Your kidney is crying out for you to stop. You should listen to it as well as listen to your heart and your liver. Do it a favor and rest and let it heal.
Nobody said it was easy so treat each day that you are sober as a blessing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Your doing great. I know what you mean about the antibiotic thing and It keeping you from drinking. I remember the last time I tried to get sober I was on antibiotics, it was really one of the big reasons that I wasn't drinking. I didn't even make it to 7 days though, I told myself heck I am feeling better and drank at 5 days after starting the antibiotic and then I just got myself sicker and got a horrible ear infection that more antibiotics and more time and pain. What I am trying to say is you are doing alright, better than I did! Keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I would have drank, probably had no reaction and then used that to further justify my uniqueness.
Round and round we go.
Your friend is right. Even though you look at it as a mere blip on your path it is a huge milestone and the fact that you have been so honest in your assessment of the problem is also a huge milestone.
Remember that it does not really matter how we get there, it is that we get there.
Hang in there
Round and round we go.
Your friend is right. Even though you look at it as a mere blip on your path it is a huge milestone and the fact that you have been so honest in your assessment of the problem is also a huge milestone.
Remember that it does not really matter how we get there, it is that we get there.
Hang in there
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
After 7 days , you are free , build upon the sucess of 7 days !
You are through any withdrawals. .
You have escaped the prison , please don't go back .
You can fill your time with positive effort .
You are through any withdrawals. .
You have escaped the prison , please don't go back .
You can fill your time with positive effort .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
7 days is great!
I would just caution about starting up again if you currently have a desire to stop. That desire might never return because by the time you get to the distant future where it starts to make you sick, it will have replaced everything about you with an alcohol dependent walking denial factory. You seem to have some perspective now. When it happened to me I grabbed on for dear life. I have been sober 60 days today.
Life is already getting better.
I would just caution about starting up again if you currently have a desire to stop. That desire might never return because by the time you get to the distant future where it starts to make you sick, it will have replaced everything about you with an alcohol dependent walking denial factory. You seem to have some perspective now. When it happened to me I grabbed on for dear life. I have been sober 60 days today.
Life is already getting better.
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