sj999

I think this is maybe the first time I've had a really bad craving for alcohol, though this is the 5th or 6th time I've tried to quit. I'm having a horrible time in general and feel like everything in my life is going wrong. I have never felt so unhealthy or scattered, or so behind on things. I haven't been drinking much lately (haven't drank with TOO much regularity frankly for a few years now) - just episodically here and there as I've had a mind to quit for awhile now. But today I REALLY want to drink. I don't want to dig myself out of everything right now. I just want to not think about it or feel it. I've been somewhat numbing myself by bingeing on sugar (which, for me, honestly is a bigger addiction - I've historically been much more in control with alcohol than I ever have been with sugar, though I suspect that will change if I continue drinking) and just binge watching TV to distract myself from how horrible I feel. I just feel dried up and fat and unhealthy and burnt out and disgusting and rotten to the core - I can't explain the amount of discomfort I'm in. I just want to feel healthy and energetic and on top of things like I used to. I haven't felt that way in years. Most of all I feel an overwhleming sense of rage right now that I want to quiet with alcohol. It's the same feeling I used to get before I'd cut myself as a teen - hasn't been an issue for over a decade and I never get urges to do that anymore, but I think it was more similar to an addiction than anything else because it was something I could do to quiet this rage and discomfort, and something I feel like alcohol would do right now.

sugarbear1

do a search on urge surfing

get busy, action can change our feelings

doggonecarl

I'm sorry you feel so bad, so down on yourself. There are healthy steps you can take to address these issues. Emphasis on "healthy" and drinking isn't one of them. As Sugarbear points out, the key is action. You doing something to change how you feel, rather than letting yourself be overwhelmed by your feelings.

Ghostlight1

I'm sorry you feel bad now, but just think how bad you'll feel tomorrow if you drink today.
Alcohol never solved anything.
I know how you feel. I have a mental illness and would go into the depths of despair and try and drink my way out of it. Problem was, it worked. The real problem was it turned me into an alcoholic to the point I had no control over my drinking. I was enslaved to alcohol and all my problems got worse.

I'm wishing you the best and hope you feel better soon.

sj999

Thanks all... I am drowning in work right now too and haven't had a true break or vacation in over a year so I think part of it is burnout and never getting into a routine where I have time to take decent care of myself. Obviously drinking then exacerbates that because I'm tired and lethargic and out of it for a few days after, which buries me deeper. There are a lot of constructive things I can think of to do that would make me feel better, but fitting them in is hard right now and I'm struggling to just take basic care of myself with being this burnt out and still behind in work... Obviously all the more reason though NOT to drink...

hypochondriac

Have you ever looked into meditation SJ? I have always been just like you, trying to reach for something to change how I feel, a distraction at least. I was a self harmer before I was a drinker too, and even sober there has been the sugar addiction, and my healthy distractions like going for a walk or playing music are still a way of avoiding difficult emotions. I have found mindfulness meditation, or even just the concept of trying not to push away every negative feeling, to be very freeing. And I found that when I was mindful I made healthier choices for myself because I was aware of how bad I felt rather than just trying to cover it up, so I wanted to do things that made me feel good... Bit of a novelty really. Thing is too I also remember that alcohol didn't really make those bad feelings go away or stop them coming back. If anything it made them worse.

sj999

Thanks hypochondriac - I actually have quite a bit of meditation experience but have not stuck to the habit as much recently. Getting back into mindfulness is high on my list of priorities. I am having some trouble pushing through the initial discomfort of, well.. sitting with discomfort. I agree though that it can be unbelievably helpful.

hypochondriac

I realised that you might have after looking at your avatar... x

karate

No matter what the question ,Alcohol is the wrong answer to it .

I cant think of a single time drinking solved one problem ,But it caused a bunch of problems .

Dee74

Have you seen this link sj?
lots of good ideas here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Sudz No More

Hang in there sj, don't give in.

sj999

Thanks all. I feel like (knock on wood) it has passed a little bit. I am finally headed home from the office and am going to try to relax and go to bed early, and hopefully workout in the morning. Usually an early morning makes all the difference to my day. Thanks for the support.