bennyperth

I drink 99 days of 100.
I drink to get drunk.
I drink to feel better.
My drinking causes problems.....
My drinking makes me feel worse.
I hold down a good job.
I do what is required as a husband (most of the time)
My drinking sometimes causes problems (although I blame the problems on other people)
I use alcohol as an excuse of my actions.
I often forget what I have done when drinking.
I work hard in pleasing other people...... my drinking effects that.
I use my drinking as a reward. But this reward becomes a negative often.
Why is it I am different?
I am an Aussie Bloke. We drink pi$$ and have BBQ's. All good if I don't cause a problem.
I used to have to go to bed when I was drunk. Now I drink through it.

Above is my list of alcohol experiences and issues that affect my life.

I like a drink..... but I can never have just 1..

I wish for change, I wish to control, I wish to be the guy I used to be.

JustODAAT

I connect a lot to what you wrote, especially this fundamental tension: "I drink to feel better. My drinking causes problems." I was stuck in that for too long.

I think a lot about this quote from the author F. Scott Fitzgerald:

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."

I am in my second year of sobriety. I don't have everything figured out, it's not easy, but I am clearer and it is easier than it used to be.

Wishing you a sober and happy New Year!

jdooner

Change takes a plan - what is your plan?

Control is an illusion and part of the underlying problem. I guarantee with time and sobriety the spell will end and your old personality will come back.

Two of th emote popular recovery paths/programs are AA and Rational Recovery. AA is faith based on a spiritual connection bigger than yourself. Rational Recovery is about self empowerment and making a long term sober plan and committing to never drink again, ever.

There is much about both on this site - good luck. I am not Aussie but relate to all your comments and more - used to at least.