knowing who to tell you do no drink
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 18
knowing who to tell you do no drink
Recently at work the drinking issue came up and I told a coworker that I no longer drink. She asked why and I made the mistake of telling her about my last drinking episode and how it affected me and my job. After I confided in her she seem to be avoiding me. This has left me in a bad state. I have been sober over a year. and proud of my commitment to this program. Lately I feel I am living in 2 worlds and their not connecting. I am at a loss. Just where does the honesty begin and end. Anyone have these experiences.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi whosetoblame
I think there's a lot of stigma and misinformation about alcoholism in the wider community.
I told everyone when I quit, but I was a very public drunk. Even so, I'd do it differently now.
I always advise people to be wary of who they tell.
Whats done is done in this example, but I'd be more careful from here on in.
I think it's information best shared with those people you trust the most.
Work colleagues by and large, I don't think need to know.
D
I think there's a lot of stigma and misinformation about alcoholism in the wider community.
I told everyone when I quit, but I was a very public drunk. Even so, I'd do it differently now.
I always advise people to be wary of who they tell.
Whats done is done in this example, but I'd be more careful from here on in.
I think it's information best shared with those people you trust the most.
Work colleagues by and large, I don't think need to know.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 130
I've told my work friends and my boss that I'm not drinking because I'm triathlon training - best part is that it's true I'm training, but that's not why I'm not drinking ! They ask no questions after that 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by whosetoblame 
Recently at work the drinking issue came up and I told a coworker that I no longer drink. She asked why and I made the mistake of telling her about my last drinking episode and how it affected me and my job. After I confided in her she seem to be avoiding me. This has left me in a bad state. I have been sober over a year. and proud of my commitment to this program. Lately I feel I am living in 2 worlds and their not connecting. I am at a loss. Just where does the honesty begin and end. Anyone have these experiences.
In the future, avoid discussing this with co-workers and, as Dee said, confide in the ones you trust.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 542
Originally Posted by whosetoblame
Recently at work the drinking issue came up and I told a coworker that I no longer drink. She asked why and I made the mistake of telling her about my last drinking episode and how it affected me and my job. After I confided in her she seem to be avoiding me. This has left me in a bad state. I have been sober over a year. and proud of my commitment to this program. Lately I feel I am living in 2 worlds and their not connecting. I am at a loss. Just where does the honesty begin and end. Anyone have these experiences.
I think it's awesome how well you are doing.
It may be helpful to talk about alcoholism, or the truth about your drinking with people that understand versus the general public.
Don't worry.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I understand what you mean about two worlds. I have two families. One is my mother and children and in the other is my AA/recovery family.
The two have never met.
Sometimes I find it difficult to deal with because I love them both so much. I want to blend them but that wish to blend them would be for me, not for them.
There is no benefit, that I feel, would come from the mixing of the two. While I understand both, they would not understand each other.
I feel it is best to keep it separate but I am a very private person and it has nothing to do with honesty. To thine own self be true. We need to be honest with ourselves. If we are honest with ourselves and our sponsor or the people we look to for support then that is all that is required and in many cases, all this is needed.
I have found that the only people that can really understand and not judge, is another recovering alcoholic.
The two have never met.
Sometimes I find it difficult to deal with because I love them both so much. I want to blend them but that wish to blend them would be for me, not for them.
There is no benefit, that I feel, would come from the mixing of the two. While I understand both, they would not understand each other.
I feel it is best to keep it separate but I am a very private person and it has nothing to do with honesty. To thine own self be true. We need to be honest with ourselves. If we are honest with ourselves and our sponsor or the people we look to for support then that is all that is required and in many cases, all this is needed.
I have found that the only people that can really understand and not judge, is another recovering alcoholic.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Mostly I was lucky, but I told and still tell who I am close to or acquainted to on a daily basis. It becomes easier after a while, especially when you realise that those who turn their back on you aint worth tuppence. That's my opinion anyway . Good luck xxx
. Good luck xxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
My co-workers know I train MMA, elevating my fitness will be the reason I offer I no longer drink. It will come up since travel and drink are part of our business culture. Nothing good can come from telling coworkers IMO, and I'm not willing to risk my lively hood on it. But everyone close to me personally knows, I have nothing to hide there.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: chicago
Posts: 29
i tell most people i am laying off the booze for diet purposes. my true, close friends and some family know the truth.
it has been hard for me to tell some people as i get so worried that things are going to change and that people may resent me for it. especially old drinking partners. i know that i cannot live my life based on their view of me or their expectations, but let's be honest: it is tough.
it has been hard for me to tell some people as i get so worried that things are going to change and that people may resent me for it. especially old drinking partners. i know that i cannot live my life based on their view of me or their expectations, but let's be honest: it is tough.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I have found that the vast majority of people really couldn't care less if one drinks or not. Our alcoholic minds make us falsely assume that others are going to care, but in reality they don't. I can count on one hand the number of times someone has even questioned why I wasn't drinking, and they were all people who knew me as a drinker previously. Others simply don't even think twice about it as only we (alcoholics) obsess about it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Whosetoblame, congratulations on your over a year! Well done!
Devils advocate here, you just never know what her experiences are with alcoholism, and maybe the conversation was a trigger for her. Maybe she grew up in an alcoholic home, maybe she is a problem drinker herself. You just really never know.
It's unfortunate that she made you feel bad about opening up....if she was friendly enough for you to open up to, then judgment doesn't seem as likely to me as she possibly has had her own circumstances with alcohol - past or present.
Before I knew anything about the disease (non addict, codie here), I had a semi close friend tell me about several horrible episodes with drinking, and that they were an alcoholic. I was an idiot. I minimized it, told them that I hadn't noticed how much they drank, and I continued to meet them for beers. I just had NO idea what "I am an alcoholic" meant - AT ALL.
I *should have asked her questions about the disease. I should have stopped enabling. I should have learned about detachment. I should have told her i was there for her if she ever wanted to get help.
I hope you don't take it personally, I would say there is a very good chance that it might not have much of anything to do with you.
Now, If I was talking to an acquaintance at a party, and they told me a story about their last go for with booze before quitting, I'd probably wig out in the completely OPPOSITE way than I did back then - lol, "OH dear! Let's get you outta here, do you need a hug, I'm so sorry, I'll drink water with you!" HAHA Ok, off to a meeting for me
Devils advocate here, you just never know what her experiences are with alcoholism, and maybe the conversation was a trigger for her. Maybe she grew up in an alcoholic home, maybe she is a problem drinker herself. You just really never know.
It's unfortunate that she made you feel bad about opening up....if she was friendly enough for you to open up to, then judgment doesn't seem as likely to me as she possibly has had her own circumstances with alcohol - past or present.
Before I knew anything about the disease (non addict, codie here), I had a semi close friend tell me about several horrible episodes with drinking, and that they were an alcoholic. I was an idiot. I minimized it, told them that I hadn't noticed how much they drank, and I continued to meet them for beers. I just had NO idea what "I am an alcoholic" meant - AT ALL.
I *should have asked her questions about the disease. I should have stopped enabling. I should have learned about detachment. I should have told her i was there for her if she ever wanted to get help.
I hope you don't take it personally, I would say there is a very good chance that it might not have much of anything to do with you.
Now, If I was talking to an acquaintance at a party, and they told me a story about their last go for with booze before quitting, I'd probably wig out in the completely OPPOSITE way than I did back then - lol, "OH dear! Let's get you outta here, do you need a hug, I'm so sorry, I'll drink water with you!" HAHA Ok, off to a meeting for me
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
We met a client for dinner ,Client drank two beers . He asked me "your not drinking "?
I said "no it bothers my stomach ,That's true ,it does sometimes .
Im very selective "who" I tell anything to .
Remember this phrase "ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE USED AGINST YOU IN THE COURT OF LIFE "
I share details on a need to know basis .
I said "no it bothers my stomach ,That's true ,it does sometimes .
Im very selective "who" I tell anything to .
Remember this phrase "ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE USED AGINST YOU IN THE COURT OF LIFE "
I share details on a need to know basis .
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
There is a big difference between telling people I don't drink and telling them personal details of my drinking history.
If someone offers me a drink, I accept and ask for something that doesn't have booze in it. It's hardly ever an issue. If they offer an alcoholic beverage I say no thanks.
If they ask if I drink I say no.
If they ask why I say "it doesn't agree with me" or if I'm in an off mood I say "nosey little bastard aren't you!"
just kidding about that last bit.
I don't get into my drinking history the same way I don't get into my medical history or talk politics and religion with people I work with. No one's business and the repercussions are endless.
If someone offers me a drink, I accept and ask for something that doesn't have booze in it. It's hardly ever an issue. If they offer an alcoholic beverage I say no thanks.
If they ask if I drink I say no.
If they ask why I say "it doesn't agree with me" or if I'm in an off mood I say "nosey little bastard aren't you!"
just kidding about that last bit.
I don't get into my drinking history the same way I don't get into my medical history or talk politics and religion with people I work with. No one's business and the repercussions are endless.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 110
I'm also someone that is very fitness oriented and very conscious about what I put into my body...except for the booze. So luckily I can turn down drinks at work and tell coworkers I'm not drinking and they don't question it because they assume it's for health/diet purposes.
So my advice, find a healthy/fitness related hobby to fill up your time. It will obviously be good for you and it gives you an easy excuse when the question comes up
So my advice, find a healthy/fitness related hobby to fill up your time. It will obviously be good for you and it gives you an easy excuse when the question comes up
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 69
Man, I can relate to this. People in my office talk about drinking pretty frequently, so it wasn't long before they found out I don't drink anymore. I have made the mistake (at least I consider it a mistake) of revealing that I used to work in the bar scene, and also I that accidentally injured myself once due to over-intoxication. I feel like anyone with half a brain could connect the dots and realize I am an alcoholic.
I am probably over-reacting slightly, but the reality is that it's probably best for me (and other alcoholics) to avoid any remotely controversial topics when the topic of drinking comes up. That can be surprisingly difficult due to the fact that many of my discussions as a drinker pertained to stupid things I and others did while drinking, so it almost seems like a "normal" conversational topic. The longer I am sober, though, the more I realize how stupid it is to talk about drinking follies, ESPECIALLY at work.
I am probably over-reacting slightly, but the reality is that it's probably best for me (and other alcoholics) to avoid any remotely controversial topics when the topic of drinking comes up. That can be surprisingly difficult due to the fact that many of my discussions as a drinker pertained to stupid things I and others did while drinking, so it almost seems like a "normal" conversational topic. The longer I am sober, though, the more I realize how stupid it is to talk about drinking follies, ESPECIALLY at work.
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