Petewill

Hello my fellow people.. I had posted about the ex serving me with some paper involving our 13 year old daughter.... did not know what it was about, but contacted my attorney yesterday and he had looked it up and said that it was something about a "seize" letter. So, I went to the courthouse and lo and behold, the ex is trying to stop all visitation, increase child support, and trying to get me to pay court costs. wow. it stems from 7 months ago when I was drunk and told my 13 year old to f.. off on the phone. I know, it's despicable, but I just snapped and it was like I was talking to my ex. we have slowly gotten better at communicating gain, me and my daughter .. but it's still messed up.. anyway, between all of this and the job being always on the fence, never knowing when the bottom will drop. then i look at facebook and see all of my old drinking friends playing gigs, hanging with chicks.. I have almost 6 months sober, 13 more days. it didn't get better, it's getting worse. lol.. drinking is looking so good, anything to escape is looking good.. but i know I can't.. ughh.. sucks.. I obviously have too much recovery ingrained in me or something.. screwed any way you look at it.. thanks for reading... ps.. my attorney says I have nothing to worry about - but i'm worrying...

Dee74

I agree with your attorney - you've turned your life around Pete. That counts.

If on the other hand you drink again, I don't think you have much of a chance at anything, at all.

Let your friends do what they want - they're not you and they haven't faced what you have

remember too the FB version of life is always edited highlights.

I dunno about you but I'm pleased to have left that shallowness behind. I like being an adult.

You're not screwed. That's fear talking.

Fight your fear with faith and support.

I wish you well with the custody stuff and I hope justice will be served

D

deeker

Pete it is so awesome that you posted here just now, it shows that you really do not want to go back to that life. And I hope you won't.

Early sobriety is hard and we have to learn new coping skills. We are used to always running to that drink as our first option when we feel the least bit uncomfortable.

I hope you will continue to just do the next right thing and let the lawyer handle your case. It will certainly be in your favor that you are sober for 6 months with no relapse. That is amazing!

Have you been going to AA, recovery to me means a lot more than just putting down the drink. I had to take a deep look inside myself , my thoughts, my behaviors, my expectations, my way of reacting rather than responding to life.

The 12 steps are what are working with me, but whatever you call it, I think it is necessary to do that self examination. Wish u the best! You did the right thing by posting here!

diffingo911

Boy can I relate to the "worry" thing-I know that's just that and I worry my guts out until something is resolved...I think this is what is meant when things get better. Our outlook changes and things like worry leave us a we learn to let it be. Not necessarily that outside things get better-but inside things/how we deal with outside things-Does that make sense?

Petewill

Thanks. yeah, Deeker I go to AA meetings about 5 -6 times a week, have a sponsor, on step 4, and chair a meeting once a week. kinda got sidetracked on step work this week.. for obvious reasons.

deeker

Oh that is great to hear. It gets better, Service work really helps too!

KateL

Trust your attorney and keep your chin up. Drinking could damage the case completely. Well done for not drinking it must be so hard for you. Your recovery ingrained feeling is great, keep thinking that way. If worse came to worse, your daughter is of an age where she can soon come to see you herself anyway, it would be worse if she were a baby. But it shouldn't come to that because of one drunken rant. If they see you are well it should go in your favour. Lots and lots of luck and prayers whooshing your way xxx

Thepatman

I see the bigger person in your post, actually a giant compared to either fake FB friends, or the ex without a conscience.

Stand your post proud. And your allowed to wear a smirk on your face permanently. LOL! Cause 6 months is a hell of an accomplishment for people like US, the few and the proud. Now I sound like a US army general. LOL!

tomsteve

pete, those "obvious reasons for being sidetracked from step work are the times when the steps come into action. you should be using the program to get through this. talk to your sponsor about whats going on and he should show you how the steps apply.

"then i look at facebook and see all of my old drinking friends playing gigs, hanging with chicks"

time to delete them old drinking friends.

practice these principles in all our affairs
The principles we have set down are guides to progress
....new principles by which he is living.
....put those principles into action at home
Now we try to put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives
A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.
...The first principle of success is that you should never be angry.
Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.

the principles have solved all of my problems I have faced in recovery to date.

EverySngleNight

Trust in your attorney. You're doing great! Yeah, probably not your proudest parenting moment- but- if that were the worst thing my dad ever said to me, I'd consider that a major upgrade! LOL

Gigs and chicks and drinking? Unless you had your daughter when you were 8- you've hopefully long outgrown the phase where those are things of major importance! You know?

I know, it's tempting after years of adolescence... dreaming of "making it". Its easy to forget that even for the people that HAVE "made it", that lifestyle is not based in reality. It's a fantasy. It's all BS. In truth, most of us- end up at the bar, looking like shlt, doing things with people that aren't ACTUALLY that attractive, regretting most of it, carrying around a shallow and falsely inflated ego, getting old etc., and ALL of that... equals "washed up". The only thing worse than NOT "making it"- is not making it AND being washed up. It's a bad look. REALLY BAD. You don't want to be that guy- right? :-) (it's like the bald, earring, convertible, mid-life crisis thing...not cool.)

It will get better!! Just keep moving forward. That's all we can do- I think. Let us know how it goes.

PS- the musician stuff in my post here was meant to be light-hearted...So hopefully no one will take offense... If so... Advanced apologies!! My foot is affixed to mouth, and it's a permanent condition apparently.

karate

I will say being drunk ,then hungover will just add miserable ,non logic driven decisions

sugarbear1

Keep staying stopped. It often seems worse before it actually gets better!

HUGS

Petewill

thanks for the input.. no, i don't think of music like that"as far as making it" i am realistic, i write and play music to express myself - and if i get noticed around town, then so be it.. I was just talking on a local level and can't even seem to get that going..I used to play professionally in another lifetime. I feel like I messed up so bad with drinking and burned bridges, there is not much left, however, I did have the sense to go to school along time ago and studied something that supports me. anyway, this is so messed up, I know what the right things to do are - at this point.. but, I feel defeated and like a dog waiting to die, like I am on the executioners block. I have been trying to do the right thing so much these almost 6 months, and I have had nothing but obstacle after obstacle, whether it be job, woman, relationships. I was lucky enough to get a decent paying job at the beginning of my sobriety, but, like I said earlier, it's a volatile and unsettled environment. I actually just updated my resume last night. thanks.. again for all of the great support, I love this site..

Petewill

update: jeez, i swear. when it rains, it pours. Not complaining about my 6 months sobriety at this point, but I am constantly having to deal with adversity everywhere. Now, at work, my supervisor wanted a list of all my job duties, because the president of our company wanted to know what I am working on, totally being singled out here. my supervisor is a snake though. the place i work is completely cutthroat and backstabbing... supposedly in a professional environment, im a designer. anyway, There is another person where I work with that has seems to get more respect than me(they think he has more skills) and I think they want to have him start doing my job, as he is running out of work on other projects. to top it off - the legal situation with my ex-wife, the trying to stop my visitation, raising my child support, and trying to get me to do a 90 outpatient program (funny, as I already have 6 months clean and sober) what else... Oh, nothing like feeling totally alone at all times, no significant other for support, not playing poor me, but.. what the hell..sorry for all the info and sorry rambling and I need to vent. sobriety is very lonely, as I have said before.. yes, I am working the steps. thanks for reading..

KateL

I'm sure the work thing will be ok and the thing with the ex. We all have crap thrown at us at times, but it all passes, Chin up! xxxx

Climber122

Pete - you are not alone because we are all reading this and you also hit meetings - and it does get better! I would suggest to make a special effort to hang around after your home group meeting and find out what's going on with other folks, hang out, get some coffee - that will help. I too went through a scary period of child support and lawyers with my ex - and I can tell you it will all work out exactly as it is supposed to. We are SUPER good at assuming the worst - but this is us doing what we do - don't trust those predictions and when something is not going as you want it to, try to see how you can accept it and find a way to make something good out of it. For instance with your daughter, you have a chance to demonstrate your love for her by staying sober - each day you do that is a real amend. And with your ex, by not lashing out at her, you can demonstrate your growth in acceptance and tolerance. You don't have to like it, but it's a lot easier to accept it for what it is!

Also, remember you are facing these fears without resorting to booze for probably the first time in a long time, and that's a new thing that can seem overwhelming for all of us. You are going through facing some of what we refer to as the "wreckage" of our past. You are taking the hit in the chest and standing up despite it - keep your reliance on your Higher Power and the group to help keep you standing! You are going to process all this in coming Steps, but for now just keep the serenity prayer close and remember there is NO PROBLEM in this world that can be made better by taking a drink. Keep us posted - hang in there...

sugarbear1

I suggest you get through steps 4-7 and keep moving forward. Sobriety can be a struggle, I know this first hand, but it is worth the struggle. You may be lonely (many of us are) but it can change....takes time.....you aren't alone, we are here and you are under the care of a power greater than you....

With love & hugs,
~SB, who also struggles

Threshold

Better to come and vent here than to drink..so vent away if you need to.

Life can feel really sucky and lonely at times. No doubt. Drinking never helps.

I've been in similar situations to what you describe...and it just bites, it does. Getting and staying sober is an amazingly productive thing, so truly, look at that, yeah ALL these other things suck right now but you are doing this amazing life changing thing! Sometimes we discount that...oh...that's just recovery...but it's HUGE. super positive, the best investment we can make in our lives.

When we are in a totally messed up job situation, sometimes quitting or losing the job is more of a blessing than a curse. If it's taking that big of a toll, there is probably something better out there. I've been there a few times, and leaving, even for a different field or lesser pay was the right thing for me to do.

Petewill

thanks.. I experienced such levels of anger at work... so pissed and resentful. Felt like there is not one reason not to drink, but still wont.. thanks for the support.

Dee74

as always best wishes Pete - rooting for ya

D