newme2day

I have been doing pretty well in my sobriety, however I have some major concerns about Christmas. I stopped drinking last month because i drank too much wine which led to throwing up all night. I decided that was it. . .no more. I haven't had a drop since then, but I haven't told anyone I quit. I didn't drink all day everyday - but I can't seem to handle alcohol when I drink. Also, drinking seemed to consume my thoughts.

The problem is . .. not telling anyone I quit gives me an out. I know it does. I don't think I will take it, but I know it is there. I am sure my husband notices I haven't had a drink, but he hasn't said a word. We don't talk about it. I am not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays. This has been my only source of help during recovery. I am not ready to let the whole world know about my drinking problem. I am the type of person who thinks if it's broke, figure it out and fix it. I don't like to lean on others for help, although I would appreciate any advice you can give.

foolsgold66

So, what are your concerns precisely? Christmas is the 25th. I'll be sober that day. There will be alcohol in my house. My plan is to not drink any of it.

MB8

Hey newme

I am 40 days and in trying to do it the right way way this time. This is my 4th attempt I too have never told anyone in previous attempts because that gave me an out. If I wanted to drink again I could without looking like a huge failure and I did. The only person I told was my wife. This time , although I'm not putting it on billboards across Florida, I do want want to be held more accountable and more people are aware of my sobriety. I even went so far as getting a sponsor to be held even more accountable. I think accountability is going to help keep me sober. I also was not an everyday all day drinker but when I did drink I was unable to handle it. I have a great successful career and that has always been a justification to keep drinking. My opinion is atleast tell somebody that can help keep you accountable and you can turn too when the cravings become too much. Just my 2 cents. Good luck. MB8.

Threshold

There are a lot of "outs" we use when we don't feel we want, need or should alert people to our drinking problem.

No thanks, I'm on a diet.

Interferes with my meds.

Starting my New Year's resolution to get healthy a bit early.

Drinking has been messing with my stomach, so I decided to stop

or "No thanks, I'm good"....that last one has worked like a charm for me. Really, no one has pressed it. I think at my age (48) so many people are on meds, diets, or dr's recommendations that it's getting common for people to pass on alcohol.

KateL

I agree with Threshold. I often say, I've gone off drink for some reason No one usually asks why. If they do, I just say it doesn't agree with me. Then they shut up

CactusJill

I agree with the others. There is no need to justify not drinking to others, However, if telling others will help you be more accountable, that is ok too.

bloss

Hello Newme2day

Congratulations on choosing sobriety. Some people choose to let everyone know they aren't drinking and others choose not to. It is up to you and whatever you choose to do, so happy you are sober today.
Take care

newme2day

What I am really trying to say is I am worried I will drink. I have been thinking about it . . .telling myself I don't have a problem . . .blah blah blah. Same old story.

resolute50

It's not going to be easy.
Unfortunately,you're not the only one that has fears of giving in.
But,I do know one thing. It's all up to me.
No matter what I might tell others about my drinking. Ultimately,it's up to me to not give in.

I'm lucky as I can avoid most situation that will involve alcohol. I hope you can dig down deep inside you and find the strength to not give into temptations.

foolsgold66

It is an old lie. I told myself that for many years. I gave it up. Now I simply know that things will end badly if I drink. So, if I drink I deserve whatever I get. Sucks, but I'm not lying to myself anymore.

You aren't holding yourself accountable yet. That's what you must do.

Sometimes looking back at post #1 helps:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4313073

jdooner

If your an alcoholic like me (this is not clear from your post), there is no way you can become sober and keep this in the closet. At some point your going to have to come out, perhaps not to everyone but those closest. I can only share my experience but everyone around me knows I am an alcoholic/addict. Colleagues, family and the funny thing is most knew it before I told them.

Until I was able to squash the idea or concept of ever drinking again I was unable to get rid of the obsession. Now that I have truly and finally accepted I am an alcoholic and an addict and I can never, ever drink or use a drug ever again it no longer becomes an issue.

Gal220

I can relate to this completely. By NOT telling anyone, I leave myself an "out" if I want to drink. When I first got sober, I didn't tell anyone. Someone I love dearly who is kind of like a father figure to me is an alcoholic, and he had been offering to take me to AA for a while. But of course, I wasn't an alcoholic, so I refused over and over. I knew I needed help, though, so I finally went to AA on my own. Why? Because if he went with me, I had no excuse. If I went by myself, I could back out at the last minute, or go once and never go back. There was no accountability because I didn't want to be held accountable.

Someone on this board reminded me just the other day that my secrets kept me sick. Once I told my friend that I had a problem and was working on it, I felt so relieved. And it actually alleviated some of that obsession to drink. I had finally committed and made a plan, which took the load off a bit.

I can also relate to keeping the husband in the dark, and am actually struggling with that very thing right now. Maybe you don't want a huge conversation about getting sober and why, etc. But a simple, "Hey, I'm not going to be drinking at the Christmas party," might not be too difficult to get out, and it would probably make you feel better while giving you a bit of accountability.

One final thought. You don't have to drink today if you don't want to. And you don't have to torture yourself trying to decide if you really want to quit drinking forever. You're so new in sobriety! Take the pressure off! Just decide for today. Then you'll wake up tomorrow and do it again.

hypochondriac

Telling people, though difficult, was the best thing I did for my recovery. I knew me and I knew if I kept it to myself I would be drinking before long. I also know now that no matter how desperately I want to drink I won't because I don't want to lose face in front of my family. It isn't nice to first admit it but it is very freeing in a way x

Raufoss

I echo my friends here on the forums. Tell your closest friends and relatives. For everyone else, I've found that nobody really presses the issue (aside from old school chums who knew me as a big drinker, in which case I told them what was up). Stick with club soda and have a wonderful holiday season.

newme2day

I greatly appreciate everyone's advice. I am on an emotional roller coaster. I do not want to fail . . .i don't want to have a problem with alcohol. . .yada yada yada. Just boo hooin' today I guess. Thanks all for listening.

Gal220

Well, when you don't drink it, you don't have a problem with it! Seriously, though, I didn't want to have a problem either. I didn't want to be an alcoholic. But now that I've been sober a while (6 years), it really doesn't matter to me, and it doesn't matter to me any more if people know. I know I can't drink, but so what? I can't do a lot of things. I just live my life without it, and it's really no big deal. I like being sober today. But it takes time to get there. I think most people struggle with this, so you're not alone! And if you can't "boo hoo" here, where can you?

scw1012

Hello everyone. I'm new to sober recovery. have been rockin my recovery for almost 6 mons now. I'm currently and have been in outpatient treatment for 7 mons. i also take the vivitrol injection. i know for me the rigorous honesty and vivitrol keeps me sober.... but we all know the big book says this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. i always keep in mind that this disease often comes in a form of human too. thanks for listening. i look forward to being part of this forum.

Threshold

I totally agree with the practical words above...when we don't drink alcohol it's no longer a problem!

problem solved! Then we have to get busy with the excitement of living!

Why are you afraid you will drink? Do you anticipate a pressure from without? From within? Is there something about the holidays you fear, dislike, want to avoid? Or is it just that drinking is such an ingrained habit and it's hard to imagine a holiday without it?

These are issues for all of us, and sometimes identifying what our particular issue is can help us deflate it or put it into perspective.

For many reasons, drinking and not drink related I've had to choose, every holiday season which traditions I will do THIS year. Can't do everything, it's not practical and not possible. But each year I choose a few to enjoy, knowing that the holidays can be awesome. Drinking is one I've let go of, leaving me still with more holiday possibilities than I can fit into one season.

Choose to enjoy yourself in a lot of other ways, it will help you miss booze less if you focus on all the nice things to enjoy!

And stick around here. You'll have lots of positive company

Dee74

An outs only an out if you use it that way newme.

The bottom line is you're accountable to you - if you don't want to drink, then you don't have to.

If you don't want to give a reason you don;t have to.

If you think you need more support, you can find some....there'll be people here all across the holiday season,. and there's other recovery groups I'm sure you know about too.

if you think you need to tell your husband, you can do that too.

I really believe we get out of our recovery what we put into it...why not put everything you have into it, newme?

D