destroycreate

Hey everyone. I know this is an odd place to discuss this topic but I feel like I can't really speak to anybody in my life right now about what I'm feeling due to sheer embarassment. I'm looking to see if anybody could provide me with some advice or perspective regarding my situation.

Some background: Growing up, I despised alcohol. Living in Europe during high school gave me the freedom to go out and drink, but I never enjoyed it. I was able to go to clubs and bars and have a blast drinking water or soda. It really wasn't until I was 20 that I started actually going out and getting drunk. To be honest, I did it to fit in with everybody because in Denmark it is a binge drinking culture and to fit in, you pretty much have to.

Starting a couple of years ago I definitely evolved to becoming the life of the party. On a party night out, I typically can drink 8-10+ drinks, usually vodka cocktails. Keep in mind though this is over the span of 5-6 hours but still, I realize it's a lot. It used to be cute at 22 being drunk and a bit of a mess. But at 26 now, I can't seem to drink alcohol without ending up getting completely obliterated....my early 20's look like child's play in comparison. I don't become mean or belligerent, but I get extremely wild and do things I completely regret. Everything from unprotected sex with strangers, doing cocaine, to stumbling around aimlessly by myself in the wee hours of the morning...sometimes I'm shocked I'm able to find my way home. Even after 2 glasses of wine I'm quite loose (this is an issue at work events for me).

A year and a half ago after being laid off (my self-esteem was killed), I started going out a lot here in San Francisco, a city that's very social and where booze is always present. It seems that every weekend my behavior gets more and more out of control, to the point where people are confronting me about it. I start drinking promising myself to do it slowly, but for some reason I drink cocktails very fast and go on quickly to the next. I don't go out with the plan to get smashed, but I end up that way. Worst of all, it seems that I 8/10 times I blackout now...and....yes, I've peed the bed. Example: I woke up today feeling hungover but didn't think anything unusual, until my best friend called me an hour ago to retell the stories of last night. I had NO idea I threw my shirt off into the crowd at a bar, danced on a wobbly table, or that I was kicked out of the club and carried home by my two friends.

The odd part of this all is...I can go weeks, even months without drinking. I don't sit and crave a drink to cope. I can easily go to a nice restaurant and have a glass of wine or two with my parents and stop. This is the part that confuses me--am I just going through a phase, or is it my environment?

Ok...so I know I'm in trouble. But how does one know if they have an addiction or if they're just going through a rough time and need to take a break? I don't drink during the weekdays and don't really crave alcohol...but alcoholism runs in my family and I just feel lost and scared right now. Has anybody here gone through something similar? Is this just being in your 20's or does this sound like a path to alcoholism?

Dee74

Hi destroycreate - welcome

You'll find a variety of different drinkers here - the all day everyday drinkers (I ended up one of those), but al;so nightly drinkers, weekend drinkers, binge drinkers and those who simply can;t stop drinking once they start.

I wouldn't worry to much with a label - a problems a problem and needs fixing
You'll find a lot of support here

D

least

It doesn't matter what label you put on the problem, what matters is what you do about it. Coming here for support is a good place to start.

Ncognito13

As someone who is once again trying to get sober it's funny you put it that way because I'm pretty much all those. My day off, it's an all day event. After work, it's time to drink. Weekends and holidays, even more of an excuse. Parties? I go way overboard.

And once I start I don't stop until the beer runs out or I pass out. I guess I'm getting tired of being all those people.

Dee74

yep I drank for 20 years...at different times, I've been all of those too ncognito

D

marselles

hey hey destroycreate! i can maybe try helping?

i'm an alcoholic addict.
my drinking started out similar to yours perhaps. looking at the big picture, it progressively got worse. it never got better - always worse. i did things i said i'd never do. i drank more than i intended to. i tried switching drink types to see if this would help (it didn't). i started having blanks in my memory (blackouts). i'd be overcome with worry about what foolish behaviour i might've exhibited. my drinking was costing me more than just money - efficiency at work, family/personal/intimate relationships, health (mental/physical), self-esteem.

seems to me you have the "peculiar mental twist" associated with the alcoholic... you're aware of all the dangers for you (as when you start, you drink until there are consequences) yet you still decide (albeit after some sober time) to do it all again!! why?? does your head tell you "it won't be as bad this time" or "it'll be worth it this time"?

Dear Destroycreate, maybe you're not alcoholic (in which case i'm pleased for you), but if you can be honest to yourself, do you identify with any of my experiences in how i came to terms with my problem?

if so, SR, AA, SMART, you cant really go wrong with these. Best of luck. hope this is some use

KateL

I could go for weeks, months without a drink or sometimes even have a just couple, but it crept up on me over the years until I got out of control I think it was the behaviour which told me I wasn't suited to drinking. I don't like labels either, but I know I have to keep away from the stuff, it has a terrible effect on me.

doggonecarl

Quit for a year. If you aren't addicted it should be easy. If you struggle, it might be time to reconsider what you think being an alcoholic means.

Pondlady

I'm concerned that your drinking puts you in unsafe situations…..that alone should be enough to get you thinking about not drinking.

foolsgold66

You're me in my early 20's. Save yourself a bunch of problems and put in the time now to quit drinking for good. You don't want to see where it can take you in 20 years.

jdooner

Going through the process is in my opinion e only way to learn. Its easier when you have lost everything to recognize that you are an alcoholic. It's more difficult to get off the elevator before the bottom floor. I became daily with occasional binges. But the booze would lead to really bad decisions, often with drugs and lots of money involved - partying at Whiskey Mist and then at 3am the idea of taking the party to Ibiza seems like a good idea.

I decided to quit for a short time, as I did not have a problem. After moderate detox, I have now fully accepted I am an alcoholic addict and life is so much better than the existence I was living.

360shoes

Hi DestroyCreate,
You sound like me in my 20's.

Here's the kicker. As I got older that behavior became pretty pathetic to me pretty quick. I found as I got older I toned down the shenanigans but I just found a more respectable way to keep getting drunk. I could go for days without a drink here and there and I could keep myself to a couple if I absolutely needed too.

It doesn't improve. I didn't really get worse over the years but here's what did happen. I stopped growing. I became shallow. I achieved very little of what I wanted in life. How many people with lives you admire live like we did? Not many...if any.

At some point I just had to decide what I wanted to be and how I wanted to live. It was pretty clear I wasn't going to be able to do both. Drink myself into a stupor or fulfill my potential. One or the other.

I speak from experience. Trust me. What you described doesn't sound like much fun now let alone when you are in your 30s and 40s. Alcoholic or not I put myself in a crap lifestyle that I eventually wanted nothing to do with anymore. Best decision I ever made.

I hope you find what you need to be the best you! I hope that for everyone.

Like2Hike

This is my experience and I can't offer any better advice than what FG posted.

Ipanema

To DestroyCreate,

My thoughts are with you and your struggle. So many great comments on here tonight...I think I would add that your name DestroyCreate certainly gives a clue as to what you may already know about Alcoholism.

When I drank it was really difficult to stop..my body craved it. My first drink led me to behave completely different that who I am. That was at age 16. My last drink left me emotionally, financially, spiritually and physically ill and that was in my mid 30's. Everything in between is a blur as far as drinking as I took it to the limit and/or passed out. There are more alcoholics in my background than I care to list and I am firmly convinced that it is inherited.

I hope you do yourself a favor and stop before the things you do which leave you baffled the next day ruin your life. We have a choice to drink or not and I hope you choose the latter.

And I might add, you don't have to drink every day to be an Alcoholic. It's what happens to you when you do drink. Or, it's what happens quite often when you do drink.

I am sorry to be so blunt but I see you heading down a dangerous path and just hope you will consider what everyone has said today. We care...we are bonded together by this Disease and so fortunate to be able to bring our thoughts to this forum. I hope that you will be back writing soon and look forward to you making a decision that you will never regret: Getting and Staying Sober..God Bless You, Ipanema

Pipping

I was just like you in my 20s. I could go days and weeks without booze until I drank again and then it would be all on. I never, ever had one or two. I made an absolute fool of myself in front of colleagues, bosses and the general public. 20 years later and I has been drinking daily for a long time. Too much time wasted and too many hangovers. Nip it in the bud while your young

CactusJill

Welcome! As the others have said, it isn't so much how much or often you drink. It is the effect that alcohol has on you and how you feel about it.

My story is similar to yours. I could go days or even weeks, never really craved it. But I started getting more and more out of control each time I drank. I made the conscious decision to stop because I wasn't even enjoying it anymore and I was tired of being embarrassed and having to apologize.

If you are ready to quit, do it. My advice to you, though, is to work a program. I have been in recovery for 10 years and every few years I keep convincing myself that I can drink normally because I don't crave it and have never been in serious trouble because of it. That is common for a lot of us binge drinkers. However, when I am on a program, whether it is AA or AVRT, doesn't matter, I am stronger.

MattyBoy

My drinking is similar to yours in some ways as I too can go months without craving a drink. In fact, I'm 8 weeks sober now and haven't had a single desire to drink since stopping.mthe difference is is that my drinking was seriously out of control when I did pick up. I would go on prolonged binges lasting 10 days at a time and drinking over a bottle of spirits per day.

I know a lot of people, being a university student, who can take it or I leave it but when they do drink have no off switch. I'd bet some of these people will go on to develop alcoholism in later life and others will settle down with their drinking habits but the fact your acknowledging there may be a problem means you are streets ahead of a lot of young people whose drinking is just as out of control as yours is on nights out. Even if you never develop full blown alcohol dependency, you should still realise that drinking in the way you do can have other ramifications on your life and I suppose it's up to you to assess whether or not you'd be better off completely without it... I know one person who was by no means an alcoholic but has stopped drinking as when he did he would become sexually promiscuous, aggressive and would upset people and thus it began to damage his self respect and self esteem..

foolsgold66

I think it is very possible to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and not be mentally or physically addicted. I think those folks walk among us unaware, they are the ones that just don't drink much, and never really have, they are just non-drinkers.

Maybe they had 1 or 2 bad experiences and walked away, and they are good. Maybe they disliked the taste or loss of control. Some folks learn easily from life experiences, and others, like myself, require being beaten upon the head 12 times with a hammer to acknowledge a problem.

DoPerdition

To 360shoes

Thank you for your words. You just helped me tremendously.

Tamerua

For a long time, I was like that, a weekend warrior. Only drank Friday, Sat and sometimes Sun. And most weekends, nothing bad happened. And then... sometimes I would be a horse's arse. Once I had one in me, that was it, all bets were off. I chugged booze... and I too could go to client meetings and have one or two wines.

After a while, I really just wanted to be home alone with a bottle of wine and just turn the brain off. All the time. Like everyone here said, it progresses.

Good luck.