Dating, Eating, Sickness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Dating, Eating, Sickness
I was on my way to a meeting yesterday. I was just about to exit the subway – when this man, stopped me to talk to me, and asked for my number. I told him that I hadn’t paid my phone bill and that it was off and asked for his. He gave it to me. Then I scurried off. I should be flattered. I’m a big girl, (size 18-20) and I don’t have many takers. However, this guy was intoxicated. He didn’t smell like alcohol, but he was slurring his words and he was struggling both to enunciate his words and to string sentences together.
I didn’t plan to call. My last boyfriend – the one who smokes crack whenever he has a decent paycheque still hasn’t stopped calling every single day even though I’ve refused to speak to him for at least 3 months. I was approached by another man at a meeting about two and a half weeks ago. I was having a bad day, and I think I had wounded puppy written all over me. He started name dropping. One of the first things that he told me was that he used to own 2 hair salons and cut hair for celebrities and that he was up for a multimillion dollar settlement due to a medical mistake at a hospital. He said the hospital is offering $11 million but his lawyer is asking for $36. And that one of his relatives is the prime minister for a small Caribbean island. I stopped responding to his phone calls and texts. (He has been sober for over 18 months). Right now he is doing celebrity security. He was angry with me for not calling but I didn’t like the direction that the conversations were taking. Things about how on his birthday one of the girls he knew at AA sent him intimate pictures and how he sees a lot of women but no one he would consider for a proper relationship. Since I left my ex I have promised myself not to get into any shady relationships again. Truth be told, I wasn’t attracted to my ex ever and never saw a future with him but he promised that he would be working soon making a regular paycheque as a tradesman and things would be great. He would take care of me blah blah blah. At the time I didn’t have a job and felt really fearful about going to any job interview for a professional job because my self esteem was so low and there was a huge gap on my resume. Anyway my great plan to have a man take care of me never panned out. He usually keeps jobs for like 6 weeks at the most. Because of his criminal record, it became very hard for him to get a job with a proper company. Which meant that he was stuck working for sub contractors who frequently shorted him on pay, promising to make it up, but they never did. I was subjected to endless tirades about this guy and that guy who were supposedly his friends and that were shafting him. He would very dramatically cut them off only to make up with them later, go back to work with them and have the same thing happen all over again. It was frustrating and horribly stressful. We ate at food banks a lot. But my greed and laziness made me stay in that relationship much longer than I ever should have. And my inability to say no and set boundaries got me into that relationship in the first place.
The subway guy is called Al. I know not to call him, his phone number is on a card that I plan to throw out. I feel tempted. I can already tell, he is the kind of person for whom I would never have to explain my drinking. I can see myself asking him, nicely if I could move in, instead of doing the sensible thing and finding my own place. I can see myself seeing him as a source of money as opposed to living within my own means and learning to manage my finances properly.
I was watching Tony Robbins yesterday and he talked about how there are events in your life that change the entire course of your destiny. If I make it to the end of this month I will be 4 months sober. I really feel as though inviting this person would be changing the course of my destiny. Like if I spoke to this person I would end up relapsing. I think for the first time in my life, I truly understand and accept that a relapse is highly unlikely to last one day or just one weekend it could easily be years. I know because it has happened to me before. It is demoralizing to get sober again and realize that you have just p*ssed away years of your life.
I guess this is why you aren’t supposed to date your first year of sobriety – You attract all the sick ones.
**QUESTIONS**
I’m going on 4 months and I have had a huge problem concentrating. I have this intense desire to just space out. Sometimes not even having conscious thoughts. When I say space out I’m talking spacing out for like hours at a time. A brief space out will be like 45 minutes. I was told that the fog takes like 6 months to clear up. This is making it really hard for me to work. I’ve also been feeling really tired. I talked to a lady who has like good sobriety and she told me that that is absolutely normal to feel so run down and not be able to think clearly. I was taking Dexedrine to help me focus but I became allergic to it. I can’t see my psychiatrist again until early February but I’m going down to a mental health centre this weekend to see an emergency psychiatrist. I’m also worried about onset of depression as that happened the last time I got sober. I was taking Lamictal for depression and anxiety but I stopped that as well, the doctor thinks I might be allergic to that too. I was taking both medications at the same time so there’s no telling which med was really the culprit. The Dexedrine was incredibly helpful. I could work for an entire day and only look at the internet once, at lunch time. I’m so productive when I’m on it.
I am eating and spending money compulsively. Pretty much the same way I used to drink alcohol. These are things I plan to address but I thought for now, I’ll just focus on not drinking and being a reliable employee. Is this reasonable?
Did you go through a period of ill health when you got sober?
Since the summer I have had:
Strep throat
A skin infection that was so bad it required intravenous antibiotics
A cold / the flu
A Steven's Johnson's Syndrome reaction (basically you get blisters that are so big and deep they are equivalent to a 2nd degree burn and can land you in the ICU). due to medication that I was taking. The blisters on my feet were so huge that I had to wear men's bedroom slippers to work instead of proper shoes as my feet were too swollen to fit into any women's shoes. Also, it has been nearly 2 months and my feet still aren't back to normal. They are still peeling. (At least they no longer hurt). The skin on my hands and feet became extremely dry, and hard to the point that the skin on my feet would crack. The cracks were like 3 mm deep and would run from left to right, right across my feet. Not fun. I am upset about the allergic reaction. Things were going so well at work, the medication was doing its job and then I had to take a ridiculous amount of time off to see the doctor. In terms of medication and missed days of work I would say this has easily cost me at least $1000. I am feeling a lot of resentment about that. (I should be grateful – I don’t have health insurance but because I’d been trying to save money and had stopped drinking I had the money to buy the medication the doctor asked for and all the wound dressing that was required)
Right now I have come down with the flu. My fault I should have got the shot. I didn’t want to come to work today but I’ve missed so much work already and my contract is coming up for renewal (or not) at the end of this month so I sucked it up and dragged my tuchus in here. – I should be grateful that I have a job and that I had the money to cab it to work. (When I sprained my ankle a few years ago, I had to try and walk home because I only had $11 in my whole life to get a cab home and I only lived like 15 minutes away at most. And yes I was drinking then) I had to call my sister to come and get me.)
A cold / the flu as of right now.
I didn’t plan to call. My last boyfriend – the one who smokes crack whenever he has a decent paycheque still hasn’t stopped calling every single day even though I’ve refused to speak to him for at least 3 months. I was approached by another man at a meeting about two and a half weeks ago. I was having a bad day, and I think I had wounded puppy written all over me. He started name dropping. One of the first things that he told me was that he used to own 2 hair salons and cut hair for celebrities and that he was up for a multimillion dollar settlement due to a medical mistake at a hospital. He said the hospital is offering $11 million but his lawyer is asking for $36. And that one of his relatives is the prime minister for a small Caribbean island. I stopped responding to his phone calls and texts. (He has been sober for over 18 months). Right now he is doing celebrity security. He was angry with me for not calling but I didn’t like the direction that the conversations were taking. Things about how on his birthday one of the girls he knew at AA sent him intimate pictures and how he sees a lot of women but no one he would consider for a proper relationship. Since I left my ex I have promised myself not to get into any shady relationships again. Truth be told, I wasn’t attracted to my ex ever and never saw a future with him but he promised that he would be working soon making a regular paycheque as a tradesman and things would be great. He would take care of me blah blah blah. At the time I didn’t have a job and felt really fearful about going to any job interview for a professional job because my self esteem was so low and there was a huge gap on my resume. Anyway my great plan to have a man take care of me never panned out. He usually keeps jobs for like 6 weeks at the most. Because of his criminal record, it became very hard for him to get a job with a proper company. Which meant that he was stuck working for sub contractors who frequently shorted him on pay, promising to make it up, but they never did. I was subjected to endless tirades about this guy and that guy who were supposedly his friends and that were shafting him. He would very dramatically cut them off only to make up with them later, go back to work with them and have the same thing happen all over again. It was frustrating and horribly stressful. We ate at food banks a lot. But my greed and laziness made me stay in that relationship much longer than I ever should have. And my inability to say no and set boundaries got me into that relationship in the first place.
The subway guy is called Al. I know not to call him, his phone number is on a card that I plan to throw out. I feel tempted. I can already tell, he is the kind of person for whom I would never have to explain my drinking. I can see myself asking him, nicely if I could move in, instead of doing the sensible thing and finding my own place. I can see myself seeing him as a source of money as opposed to living within my own means and learning to manage my finances properly.
I was watching Tony Robbins yesterday and he talked about how there are events in your life that change the entire course of your destiny. If I make it to the end of this month I will be 4 months sober. I really feel as though inviting this person would be changing the course of my destiny. Like if I spoke to this person I would end up relapsing. I think for the first time in my life, I truly understand and accept that a relapse is highly unlikely to last one day or just one weekend it could easily be years. I know because it has happened to me before. It is demoralizing to get sober again and realize that you have just p*ssed away years of your life.
I guess this is why you aren’t supposed to date your first year of sobriety – You attract all the sick ones.
**QUESTIONS**
I’m going on 4 months and I have had a huge problem concentrating. I have this intense desire to just space out. Sometimes not even having conscious thoughts. When I say space out I’m talking spacing out for like hours at a time. A brief space out will be like 45 minutes. I was told that the fog takes like 6 months to clear up. This is making it really hard for me to work. I’ve also been feeling really tired. I talked to a lady who has like good sobriety and she told me that that is absolutely normal to feel so run down and not be able to think clearly. I was taking Dexedrine to help me focus but I became allergic to it. I can’t see my psychiatrist again until early February but I’m going down to a mental health centre this weekend to see an emergency psychiatrist. I’m also worried about onset of depression as that happened the last time I got sober. I was taking Lamictal for depression and anxiety but I stopped that as well, the doctor thinks I might be allergic to that too. I was taking both medications at the same time so there’s no telling which med was really the culprit. The Dexedrine was incredibly helpful. I could work for an entire day and only look at the internet once, at lunch time. I’m so productive when I’m on it.
I am eating and spending money compulsively. Pretty much the same way I used to drink alcohol. These are things I plan to address but I thought for now, I’ll just focus on not drinking and being a reliable employee. Is this reasonable?
Did you go through a period of ill health when you got sober?
Since the summer I have had:
Strep throat
A skin infection that was so bad it required intravenous antibiotics
A cold / the flu
A Steven's Johnson's Syndrome reaction (basically you get blisters that are so big and deep they are equivalent to a 2nd degree burn and can land you in the ICU). due to medication that I was taking. The blisters on my feet were so huge that I had to wear men's bedroom slippers to work instead of proper shoes as my feet were too swollen to fit into any women's shoes. Also, it has been nearly 2 months and my feet still aren't back to normal. They are still peeling. (At least they no longer hurt). The skin on my hands and feet became extremely dry, and hard to the point that the skin on my feet would crack. The cracks were like 3 mm deep and would run from left to right, right across my feet. Not fun. I am upset about the allergic reaction. Things were going so well at work, the medication was doing its job and then I had to take a ridiculous amount of time off to see the doctor. In terms of medication and missed days of work I would say this has easily cost me at least $1000. I am feeling a lot of resentment about that. (I should be grateful – I don’t have health insurance but because I’d been trying to save money and had stopped drinking I had the money to buy the medication the doctor asked for and all the wound dressing that was required)
Right now I have come down with the flu. My fault I should have got the shot. I didn’t want to come to work today but I’ve missed so much work already and my contract is coming up for renewal (or not) at the end of this month so I sucked it up and dragged my tuchus in here. – I should be grateful that I have a job and that I had the money to cab it to work. (When I sprained my ankle a few years ago, I had to try and walk home because I only had $11 in my whole life to get a cab home and I only lived like 15 minutes away at most. And yes I was drinking then) I had to call my sister to come and get me.)
A cold / the flu as of right now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 207
hey lifeblows,
i have almost 6 months and I still get a little spaced out at times but i think very clear most of the time. They say you should wait a year for a relationship, but it's not stated in the AA book anywhere, just suggested. Hang in there, 4 months is great.
i have almost 6 months and I still get a little spaced out at times but i think very clear most of the time. They say you should wait a year for a relationship, but it's not stated in the AA book anywhere, just suggested. Hang in there, 4 months is great.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think we really batter around our mind and bodies when we drink, LifeBlows - it's not uncommon to get sick after we stop drinking.
6 months on tho, it might be something going on if you're especially susceptible to things going around. Maybe a check up would be a good idea?
As far as guys go - I think you deserve better than some drunk guy on the subway
I think there's wisdom in that one year thing.
I picked a lot of wrong women in my drinking days - if you're picking them on such bases as they'll understand if you were to start drinking again, I reckon that's a pretty clear sign to hold off and get yourself together a little more
I think for a lot of us addiction goes deeper than any one drug - for some of us, we can easily find ourselves slipping into old addictive behaviours and patterns only with shopping, food, gambling, sex, or other meds.
Might be a good thing to bring up with your new psych?
D
6 months on tho, it might be something going on if you're especially susceptible to things going around. Maybe a check up would be a good idea?
As far as guys go - I think you deserve better than some drunk guy on the subway
I think there's wisdom in that one year thing.
I picked a lot of wrong women in my drinking days - if you're picking them on such bases as they'll understand if you were to start drinking again, I reckon that's a pretty clear sign to hold off and get yourself together a little more
I think for a lot of us addiction goes deeper than any one drug - for some of us, we can easily find ourselves slipping into old addictive behaviours and patterns only with shopping, food, gambling, sex, or other meds.
Might be a good thing to bring up with your new psych?
D
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