1undone

Hi I've just been trying to get used to this exceptionally boring existence, called adjustment, change, acceptance, annoyance, reality, etc...

I'm not singing any happy songs about my drinking dayz either. Neither are exactly thrilling to me. All I can see at this point is the flattened ruins laying behind me and the unrelenting feeling that I will not feel joy or excitement in life again.

Here is me being dead-pan honest. All social interaction feels like a chore. My marriage annoys me; family interaction is excruciating. Great time of year to be feeling this way. I have no friends - none. I wish I had the means to start my life new in every way RIGHT NOW.

My first day of sobriety started after I knew my husband was leaving to shock me into quitting. He lied about why he was gone for the first couple days but since I'm not an idiot and of course this Alcoholism was going to come to this at any moment I was mildly annoyed by this gesture on his part. But at the same time empathic.

My alcoholic drinking/alcoholism was a major symptom of greater relationship issues that are not magically gone now. We are in counseling but it's slow going and I'm tiring of me being the focus. The last couple of sessions with my husband have left me frustrated and annoyed.

Today was okay, this is good, LOL. We have a session tomorrow. I want to leave feeling optimistic for once.

I've been reading around but sorry I haven't contributed!

I appreciate all the great info on this site.

Dee74

Good to see you 1undone
my first couple of months were pretty beige too.

It got better tho - I thoiught I was naturally cynical and morose - turns out it took a couple of months for the effects of 20 years drinking to leave me - I discovered the real me is actually pretty optimistic and happy go lucky.

I thought beige was the best I'd get - turns out things were just warming up for the Technicolor main game

I eventually worked out that sitting around doing nothing was what I used to do. Fine as a drunk - deathly boring when you're sober.

I needed to get up, get out, and get into things.

I hope you'll find a similar upswing

D

1undone

LOL I didn't think about the sitting around part. LOLOLOL suppose if I was hammered it wouldn't matter. And I suppose it will take time for others to realize I'm not doing that anymore. Thanks for the "visual."

Dee74

No worries. I didn't realise it myself until later on
Hope your next 50 are a little better!

D

GracieLou

Dee is right. Quit trying to get used to it and go with it. Do something with all that spare time and energy.

It is time for action. Once I got my ass moving I felt better. I had a sense of accomplishment and that helps a great deal. It also took me away from my mind. My hands and my head cannot work at the same time. So if I stayed active, my mind could not race.

Congrats on 50 days! It gets better. Keep on, keeping on.

KateL

Things will get better xxx

FeelingGreat

Haha Dee, that's a perfect way to put it. It's been over 18 months for me; I think I'd better jump out of a plane or do something else to cut through the beige. With parachute.

newme2day

So encouraging to know that the "beige" doesnt last!! I am only on day 11 but i understand about the boredom. I used to have some hobbies i enjoyed. Perhaps you did too? I am going to try those again.

1undone

Hey new, hobbies......

Well nothing seems interesting. I have little motivation. I even hate my marriage and all the crap I am obligated to do. All they like to do is hang around 70 year olds, go to sponge towns, drink tea, go to this Christmas event in an old town with nothing to do, play shooter video games, eat, uh maybe that's all there is to do.

I'm sounding very neg. sorry but this is my reality right now. Like I said, if I had the resources I know exactly how and where I would start all over. I'm alone around a bunch of old people, not just in age.

Hawkeye13

It does take awhile for the fog to clear.

But in the end, you have to find meaning for yourself.

What would you do if you could have a "do over"?
That's a rich place to start looking for meaning.

Good luck and do give it time.
I really started to engage again after a year or so.
Before that I felt pretty flat too.

1undone

Go back 30 years, do well in HS, still graduate from college, never feel like life would be over if I didn't marry someone, travel with friends, create a career and life for me, not move away from all my family, trust my gut more, be more assertive, stop trying to be what everyone slse thinks I should be, make money and save it. Stop listening to the BS people try to shovel into my brain; none of these people really knew/know me. Be free to make my own choices, etc.. AND NEVER INJEST AN ANTIDEPRESSANT! Since discontinuing them sure I feel depressed but I'm pretty sure they were making me crave alcohol.

I could go on forever but I have to try to take from this what I could still possibly change and let go of the rest.

lovesymphony

congrats on the 50 days. Good that you don't think alcohol will solve your current problems. I'm only on day 8 but that's the longest I've been in many years and I believe my drinking days are really over this time. I have been anti-religious in the past even though I still pray a lot, and just joined a liberal church with a lot of activities. It's been very easy to meet people. Also, the website Meetup.com has TONS of social groups to choose from. At least where I live, it's a thriving website with lots of people meeting up. The women's groups have been the best

FBL

Give yourself a chance! Drinking used to take so much of my time that when I quit, I knew I had to find other things to do. I also figured out pretty early that no one was going to come and wave a magic wand and make everything better. I got back into some old hobbies and started doing things that I'd always wanted to do but never had time for because it cut into my drinking time (which was every day). Now I look back and marvel at all the time I spent drinking. I really don't know HOW on earth I ever did it! All I know is that my life is SO much better without alcohol that I know I'll never go back to it again.

lovingit

Hello 1Undone,

Not sure if you remember me. We were in the May class together 2 1/2 years ago.
Sorry your having a bit of a bumpy ride.
I thought I would share your profile:
Interests
SCUBA, Swimming, boating, comedy, biking, planting, etc.

dirk626

Today is as young as you're ever going to be. Many of those things that you say you would do if you had a do over, you can start doing. What's to stop you? I heard a successful man once say. I didn't become the man I always wanted to be until, I started pretending to be that man. I'm going to pretend for a while and see where it takes me! You should too...