MrTumble

Can we move them to a relapse forum? For some reason, seeing others relapse makes me think about having my own personal relapse

Im kind of kidding about moving them to another forum, but not kidding about them making me think about boozing.

Anyone else have this?

awuh1

Seeing them makes me grateful that I have found a solution.

Ghostlight1

Not me. Makes me realize I could relapse, too, so it helps keep me sober.

Croissant

I vaguely remember threads about people talking about moderation and how they were going to moderate got to me in early recovery. All I wanted to hear was how to stay sober.

We are all very raw early in recovery and you will find ways to deal with why some things flare you up.

instant

Reminders hurt but can do us good. The challenges we face are within ourselves. Temptation is everywhere, and forgetting is comfortable but dangerous.

soberhawk

You avatar makes me think of relapse and it does not look comfortable.

It is not tempting at all.

EndGameNYC

It's a horror show that is also reality.

gman13

I agree My AV always says, see even they have failed, so don't beat your self up its alright to relapse.

SnoozyQ

It doesn't affect me , but I can see how it would others , thanks for your thoughts xx

Itchy

I almost left SR at about six months because of all the relapse threads. I was firm and not in the least craving. I was already recovered and had more than a few people imply I was overconfident and heading for a relapse. It almost seemed like those who just relapsed, and all the others who relapsed in the past were reinforcing relapse as something not to beat themselves up over. I don't think they should or shouldn't beat themselves up. But the trivializing relapses part involved made me start to question if any of the others might be right. I took a month off from SR, and then realized that the folks saying I was overconfident were trying to convince me there was no peace, and my beating the cravings and not obsessing anymore about alcohol, or its absence, were the forerunners of relapse.

Crap!

I now have three years of being recovered. I am not in recovery but recovered. Never relapsed and never will. So don't listen to folks trying to shake your confidence in your sobriety to feel better about their own relapse/s. If you, like me flipped that switch to never drink alcohol because we choose that for life, then don't second guess yourself. If you are subconsciously planning your own relapse and need to believe we all do, and cycle endlessly between drunk and sober, then that is something no one can talk you out of. I never want to go through detox and all the PAWS I had ever again. I like life without alcohol. Good or bad I will handle sober. It is not a choice anymore. It is my lifestyle.

Dee74

Relapse may not be a part of recovery, but it is part of the disease, or phenomenon if you prefer, of active alcoholism.

I've always thought SR is mostly for the struggling - it's a place to find help, after all.

There will always be people struggling here....if there were to be a (hypothetical and very unlikely) day we no longer allow that, I won't be here anymore.

My part is to offer my experience, not judgement or hubris - that's the goal, and I try always to remember that.

I always found relapse threads helped me keep my resolve, but if anyone is triggered by relapse threads - like I've heard many people state they've been triggered by AA meetings, or reading about The Beast, or TV ads, or pain, or sadness, or intense emotion or whatever - it makes more sense, to me, to look past the 'trigger' and focus on why it's triggering us.

Until we can do that, I think perhaps the best thing to do is exercise a little discrimination in what threads we read - it's usually pretty much instantly clear what a thread is about...

it may be best not to read threads that you know may upset you?

D

Gottalife

You make a valid point but probably not much can be done about it. Way back in AA history Sister Ignatia, who I believe worked with Dr Bob, made the observation that the recovery rates of the groups they put through were better when no relapsers were in the group.

Applying my old alcoholic mind to this I would conclude that, if they could get away with it, then so could I. And you do see a lot of relapsers who appear to get away with it on this site.

But we won't here from the ones who didn't get away with it. Like my friend Zac, relapsed after 10 years sober, all his AA hard drive data was wiped, it was like he had never been. Dead in four months.

As long as we have alcoholic minds, the relapse of others may encourage us to follow suit, and I doubt if there is much we can do about it. Only when the individual is prepared to do whatever it takes to recover, will they be taken to a place where they can see a relapse for what it is, the result of untreated alcoholism.

LadyinBC

Ditto for me. Reminds me not to become too arrogant in my recovery and to always remember where I came from.

Rock2534

No offense but relapse threads should be a reminder of how hard you worked to stay sober and how easy it is to lose. I just had a relapse and reading some of them reminds me how much I don't want to start over again. Keep up with your progress and try and move forward. I know it's easy to say here but I hit rock bottom with this last one and it was a rude awakening. Please don't let it happen to you.

TucTee

This.

I think you may also struggle with even seeing thread titles indicating relapse. There's nothing you can do to avoid that necessarily if you want to keep reading the forum. My best advice is to simply scroll quickly and isolate only what you want to read.

LadyBlue0527

Hi MrTumble,

Even though some might have differing opinions your post has validity. I've been coming on here for 5 months, sober almost 6 soon. I found that how I felt about the posts that I was reading was based on my own mindset on that given day.

Being honest, when I was in very early sobriety and would come on here those relapse posts would stand out at me like a sore thumb. What made it worse was to open them and read replies where I felt like people were practically patting them on the back saying "ohhhhhhhhh, that's ok!". Sometimes it left me a bit irritated, especially when it was someone who had relapsed numerous times. At some point someone has to step up and make that person find some accountability. However, it should always be done with love because we are all in this together.

I came to the conclusion that if I was having a boo boo face day that I needed to shy away from the relapse threads. As Dee says, the subject lines should be a give away or if you hover over the subject line you should see a little box that pops that shows the beginning of the first post.

I also found that when I was most aggravated by those posts were points in time that I wasn't focusing on doing what I needed for my own sobriety. The underlying message my brain was giving me was "Look at all these people who are just going ahead and drinking and they're being excused for it, so why not YOU?". It was resentment that someone got to drink and I didn't.

Not conducive to focusing on sobriety at all. So there are days that I want to be really supportive and I try to go to those threads and offer encouragement and understanding and there are days when I need to steer clear and focus more on my own sobriety.

I hear you and I hope I helped.

sunrise1

If relapse threads are confined to their own "section", I think it would be very easy to get lost in tale after tale of relapses. Sometimes we post because we have relapsed- - but more often I see posts about the various solutions people have found.

Sometimes I go to AA because I need the meeting. Other times I find out I've gone to find out the meeting needed me.

Hawkeye13

I think segregating those who are most at risk puts them in a "depression soup" and many people who are doing better or who might encourage them may avoid that section as a downer. This seems to me to defeat the purpose of the forum.

There are days I just don't click on obvious relapse threads, especially if it is the same person over and over whom you've spent lots of time and energy encouraging. Then the next time, I try to go back and give them some support. It's a give and take, and you never know when it is the last time and something will click and they will stay in their sobriety. That's what is all about, isn't it?

MrTumble

Guys, just to be very clear, I wasn't seriously proposing we move the relapse threads, its was a poetic exaggeration (I thought I said that also..). I really do appreciate the forum is here to help others and these relapses are a part of the process for some people.

But, for me, these threads do kick off those feelings. And yes, for the most part I now try to avoid them, but even seeing the word sometimes pulls my booze chain :-/

Anyway, im ok now at least

keithj

Interesting. I've been to meetings where it seemed like a substantial numbers of the people there were either talking about 'coming back' after a relapse or hanging on by the skin of their teeth, and I've thought to myself, 'What kind of message is this to be sharing at an AA meeting?!'

Not that we should put a brave face on and say that everything is just peachy when it isn't. The truth is the truth and I'm thankful people share it. But it's a very different message than the one that's shared by a roomful of recovered alcoholics. Contrast it for a second. 'My life is this mess of continual relapse and anxiety and struggle with staying away from booze' versus the one that Itchy nailed of, 'I recovered from that nightmare and can show you how to do it.'