Relapse Threads
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by MrTumble 
Can we move them to a relapse forum? For some reason, seeing others relapse makes me think about having my own personal relapse 
Im kind of kidding about moving them to another forum, but not kidding about them making me think about boozing.
Anyone else have this?
Im kind of kidding about moving them to another forum, but not kidding about them making me think about boozing.
Anyone else have this?
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I used to feel jealous of people who were relapsing and get myself in quite a funk as to why i had to be the successful one , thats how crazy i was .
Time has taught me a bit more humility and compassion i hope .
If it don't help you keep sober , drop it . Nowdays it's the things that bug me that seem to offer me a learning experience . Learning all the time …
Bestwishes, m
Time has taught me a bit more humility and compassion i hope .
If it don't help you keep sober , drop it . Nowdays it's the things that bug me that seem to offer me a learning experience . Learning all the time …
Bestwishes, m
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Yep,
Don't anybody misread my post above. I agree that SR folks were here for the struggling me, and I will be here for the struggling too, relapsed or not. Those who believe they will relapse and do over and over, and even post ahead of the relapse, that they are again at the point or near the point where they "always" relapse need non judgmental support. I know, I relapsed at least 365 times in my last year after only being quit for good overnight. I believed I couldn't until I found I could.
But I take extreme exception to the folks who cannot abide anybody saying recovery is possible. Or that they are recovered. Some do recover. That does not mean we can drink again. Just that we are done. I agree that arrogance and hubris are deleterious to my mood but not my sobriety. When I say recovered it seems to set off bells in the heads of many across the recovery spectrum. I don't think you took that far enough Dee. It IS arrogant to look down on the relapsed. Hawkeye13 said it best - we never know when it will click for another, so we give what support we can. I post a Frank Sinatra video of his song pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again for relapsers or other temporary fails leading to our last fail, as we learn from each and our fellows here.
What I find most arrogant are those who continually insist that their way is the only way, and that my recovery is only temporary unless I stand guard over it with weapons and obsess about my vigilance because if I believe I will not relapse that is the sure sign of one coming. I disagree and think posting or thinking that I am no longer an alcoholic and can moderate is the sign of a coming relapse. Obsessing over how much better my social life was while drinking, being the center of attention in a group where each of the others also thought they were the center of attention too and no one listened to anyone else is sign of coming relapse. I have no pleasant memories of my drinking. Only shuddering recollections of how I felt smarter and more positive when in reality I looked like the fool I was drunk.
When drinking I obsessed over my supply of alcohol, and thought all the time of how I would drink and feel blessed relief by five. Until I couldn't wait and started drinking shots in my morning coffee to stop the shakes in my last year.
I do not obsess over my sobriety. I don't question it. When I see another drinking I think how harmful it was for me and hope they never get to that terrible self imprisonment, slow suicide of the not suicidal otherwise. When I get the blues it isn't because I don't drink, they are just feelings that I get through much easier than when I was drinking. I think those who obsess over their sobriety as fleeting, I say it is like education, no one can take my sobriety away. Not even me. Because I AM a non-drinker. I don't obsess over alcohol anymore. Not looking forward to my next drink, nor obsessing about its absence in my life. I am not deprived, just lucky I survived to shake free.
With a little help from my friends. For those insisting I must struggle it is like the person who I say yes to who does not hear because they are so self absorbed and keep arguing. I don't get mad, just wait until they are done. Then ask them with a wry grin what part of yes didn't they understand. They rewind their mental recorder, realize they indeed didn't listen, and stop arguing, convincing, selling me. I am recovered and anybody who wants to warn me I will fall and relapse is just wrong. But what makes folks do that?
I agree there is no moderation possible for this recovered alcoholic, and likely most other alcoholics despite books and commentary to the contrary. I don't care to test not from fear, but from I don't drink alcohol.
So to summarize, I learned the how and why of relapse from those threads. I am not going to be forgetting the self abuse my alcohol abuse became in this lifetime and relapse. And hope I gave some hope for any relapse threads I participated in. Maybe this one too.
Don't anybody misread my post above. I agree that SR folks were here for the struggling me, and I will be here for the struggling too, relapsed or not. Those who believe they will relapse and do over and over, and even post ahead of the relapse, that they are again at the point or near the point where they "always" relapse need non judgmental support. I know, I relapsed at least 365 times in my last year after only being quit for good overnight. I believed I couldn't until I found I could.
But I take extreme exception to the folks who cannot abide anybody saying recovery is possible. Or that they are recovered. Some do recover. That does not mean we can drink again. Just that we are done. I agree that arrogance and hubris are deleterious to my mood but not my sobriety. When I say recovered it seems to set off bells in the heads of many across the recovery spectrum. I don't think you took that far enough Dee. It IS arrogant to look down on the relapsed. Hawkeye13 said it best - we never know when it will click for another, so we give what support we can. I post a Frank Sinatra video of his song pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again for relapsers or other temporary fails leading to our last fail, as we learn from each and our fellows here.
What I find most arrogant are those who continually insist that their way is the only way, and that my recovery is only temporary unless I stand guard over it with weapons and obsess about my vigilance because if I believe I will not relapse that is the sure sign of one coming. I disagree and think posting or thinking that I am no longer an alcoholic and can moderate is the sign of a coming relapse. Obsessing over how much better my social life was while drinking, being the center of attention in a group where each of the others also thought they were the center of attention too and no one listened to anyone else is sign of coming relapse. I have no pleasant memories of my drinking. Only shuddering recollections of how I felt smarter and more positive when in reality I looked like the fool I was drunk.
When drinking I obsessed over my supply of alcohol, and thought all the time of how I would drink and feel blessed relief by five. Until I couldn't wait and started drinking shots in my morning coffee to stop the shakes in my last year.
I do not obsess over my sobriety. I don't question it. When I see another drinking I think how harmful it was for me and hope they never get to that terrible self imprisonment, slow suicide of the not suicidal otherwise. When I get the blues it isn't because I don't drink, they are just feelings that I get through much easier than when I was drinking. I think those who obsess over their sobriety as fleeting, I say it is like education, no one can take my sobriety away. Not even me. Because I AM a non-drinker. I don't obsess over alcohol anymore. Not looking forward to my next drink, nor obsessing about its absence in my life. I am not deprived, just lucky I survived to shake free.
With a little help from my friends. For those insisting I must struggle it is like the person who I say yes to who does not hear because they are so self absorbed and keep arguing. I don't get mad, just wait until they are done. Then ask them with a wry grin what part of yes didn't they understand. They rewind their mental recorder, realize they indeed didn't listen, and stop arguing, convincing, selling me. I am recovered and anybody who wants to warn me I will fall and relapse is just wrong. But what makes folks do that?
I agree there is no moderation possible for this recovered alcoholic, and likely most other alcoholics despite books and commentary to the contrary. I don't care to test not from fear, but from I don't drink alcohol.
So to summarize, I learned the how and why of relapse from those threads. I am not going to be forgetting the self abuse my alcohol abuse became in this lifetime and relapse. And hope I gave some hope for any relapse threads I participated in. Maybe this one too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I used to get annoyed with the same people who would come into meetings over and over again telling of their relapses over and over again. I don't any more. I can empathize with them. Their pain is something I can better understand because I relapsed. Not proud of it. Stupid thing to do. But it happens. I finally dusted myself off and clear headed went back to my regular meetings. Not looking for sympathy but for the familiarity of the long timers who have been through and seen it all. Knowing that they would understand.
I also never made a big deal of their or my milestones in sobriety. Thirty days, three months, six months. Until now I fully understand the struggle it takes to put together a few days, let alone a week. Maintaining and keeping sobriety is a life long process. If AA were solely devoted to those people who never relapsed, never picked up or thought to take another drink it would be a sober social club and not a recovery tool. The people who relapse remind me and reinforce for me the "what it was like" and the long term sobriety of others teaches me what happened and what it is like now.
Perhaps there are those unfortunates who are constitutionally incapable of getting and staying sober. I don't know and who am I to judge. I can only work my side of the street. Hearing of relapses sometimes does make me resent the person who is always talking about their latest foray into drinking. Well if they can why can't I? But I can't. I see the pain and embarrassment they show. I don't want to be in their chair. Having to tell.
I also never made a big deal of their or my milestones in sobriety. Thirty days, three months, six months. Until now I fully understand the struggle it takes to put together a few days, let alone a week. Maintaining and keeping sobriety is a life long process. If AA were solely devoted to those people who never relapsed, never picked up or thought to take another drink it would be a sober social club and not a recovery tool. The people who relapse remind me and reinforce for me the "what it was like" and the long term sobriety of others teaches me what happened and what it is like now.
Perhaps there are those unfortunates who are constitutionally incapable of getting and staying sober. I don't know and who am I to judge. I can only work my side of the street. Hearing of relapses sometimes does make me resent the person who is always talking about their latest foray into drinking. Well if they can why can't I? But I can't. I see the pain and embarrassment they show. I don't want to be in their chair. Having to tell.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I find that I go through phases, moods etc and sometimes I just need to not read threads that focus on a particular subject.
On my computer operating system and browser, when I put my cursor over the thread title it gives me the first line or two of the opening post...so I can get an idea if I want to go there or not.
I look at it as self care AND observing what I want to read and don't want to read gives me a look see into what's going on inside me as well.
but I understand what you mean Mr Tumble, different things trigger or rile me up at different times. SR has taught me a great deal about myself.
On my computer operating system and browser, when I put my cursor over the thread title it gives me the first line or two of the opening post...so I can get an idea if I want to go there or not.
I look at it as self care AND observing what I want to read and don't want to read gives me a look see into what's going on inside me as well.
but I understand what you mean Mr Tumble, different things trigger or rile me up at different times. SR has taught me a great deal about myself.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
In my class thread we have a few recent returnees, and I felt sad for them that they had lapsed but happy that they'd come back for help to start again. Then one of our number who had never left, slipped, and I was really angry at her for taking her sobriety so lightly. I knew I couldn't write at that time because I would have undermined her immediate return to sobriety. I was also very aware of that little sprite sitting on my shoulder saying ' you could do that ' almost as if by her slip it was ok for me to. After I had settled back down I realised that our sobriety is our own battle and everyone else's is theirs. We all walk the same path, but seperately, and all we can do is hold out a hand to those genuinely looking for support.
It is not for one to judge another in their trials, and if seeing others relapse trigger you, then best not to read those threads and hopefully one day, the trigger will no longer be there and you will be able to offer the support and wisdom that came with your own hard earned sobriety.
It is not for one to judge another in their trials, and if seeing others relapse trigger you, then best not to read those threads and hopefully one day, the trigger will no longer be there and you will be able to offer the support and wisdom that came with your own hard earned sobriety.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
I suppose we could also complain or otherwise take exception to how some people go all sideways emotionally too? Or how about we offer up our discomfort when others share about their mental confusion and frustrations too? What about family problems? Money troubles? Health problems? Marriage? Loneliness? Depression? And on and on...
Seriously. Does anyone believe that when some share about relapsing they are in anyway fortunate? All set? Lucky? Happy?
I've been sober awhile, and believe me relapsing and or struggling with relapsing has absolutely nothing to do with being sober, so for those who are somehow bothered by others sharing on about relapsing -- well perhaps these bothered people would do better re-visiting where they misplaced their gratitude for the great life they are themselves living.
Or is that it really? Not having such a great life themselves, everything didn't work as planned? And now these same folk, who don't themselves talk openly or publically struggle about relapsing feel a bit superior to those who do talk about relapsing? As if relapsing is a moral failure?
I wonder...
Interesting thread...
BTW, my post is not on you, Mr.Tumble. No worries. I did actually read your posts
Seriously. Does anyone believe that when some share about relapsing they are in anyway fortunate? All set? Lucky? Happy?
I've been sober awhile, and believe me relapsing and or struggling with relapsing has absolutely nothing to do with being sober, so for those who are somehow bothered by others sharing on about relapsing -- well perhaps these bothered people would do better re-visiting where they misplaced their gratitude for the great life they are themselves living.
Or is that it really? Not having such a great life themselves, everything didn't work as planned? And now these same folk, who don't themselves talk openly or publically struggle about relapsing feel a bit superior to those who do talk about relapsing? As if relapsing is a moral failure?
I wonder...
Interesting thread...
BTW, my post is not on you, Mr.Tumble. No worries. I did actually read your posts
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
It's a sticky wicket (first time I ever typed that). On one hand, avoiding the proximity of alcohol and fellow alcoholics that are struggling is important in early sobriety, NOT avoiding same completely is somewhat important too. An emotional balance about sobriety issues, perhaps is what needs to happen within ourselves ultimately?
I think MrTumbles was looking for feedback, and kinda knew he might be pushing a hot button, and was trying to defuse in advance with some levity...
At my three monthish recovery from relapse I really go with balance in my forum time, I spend a little time in Newcomers, and a little time other places.
I think MrTumbles was looking for feedback, and kinda knew he might be pushing a hot button, and was trying to defuse in advance with some levity...
At my three monthish recovery from relapse I really go with balance in my forum time, I spend a little time in Newcomers, and a little time other places.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
I actually left SR for a few months this early this past summer because I was still newly sober and I couldn't handle all the relapse threads. This is my first go at sobriety and my last chance. My body just cannot handle a relapse and I'd probably be dead within a few days if I picked up again.
But since then, I've lost friends in AA to relapse. I've realized that for many, it's part of the process. And most importantly, just because others have relapsed doesn't mean it's part of MY process.
My issue now is I don't know what to say to people who post relapse threads because it's something I've never experienced. But I still read them. Every single one.
But since then, I've lost friends in AA to relapse. I've realized that for many, it's part of the process. And most importantly, just because others have relapsed doesn't mean it's part of MY process.
My issue now is I don't know what to say to people who post relapse threads because it's something I've never experienced. But I still read them. Every single one.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Itchy
I almost left SR at about six months because of all the relapse threads. I was firm and not in the least craving. I was already recovered and had more than a few people imply I was overconfident and heading for a relapse. It almost seemed like those who just relapsed, and all the others who relapsed in the past were reinforcing relapse as something not to beat themselves up over. I don't think they should or shouldn't beat themselves up. But the trivializing relapses part involved made me start to question if any of the others might be right. I took a month off from SR, and then realized that the folks saying I was overconfident were trying to convince me there was no peace, and my beating the cravings and not obsessing anymore about alcohol, or its absence, were the forerunners of relapse.
Crap!
I now have three years of being recovered. I am not in recovery but recovered. Never relapsed and never will. So don't listen to folks trying to shake your confidence in your sobriety to feel better about their own relapse/s. If you, like me flipped that switch to never drink alcohol because we choose that for life, then don't second guess yourself. If you are subconsciously planning your own relapse and need to believe we all do, and cycle endlessly between drunk and sober, then that is something no one can talk you out of. I never want to go through detox and all the PAWS I had ever again. I like life without alcohol. Good or bad I will handle sober. It is not a choice anymore. It is my lifestyle.
Crap!
I now have three years of being recovered. I am not in recovery but recovered. Never relapsed and never will. So don't listen to folks trying to shake your confidence in your sobriety to feel better about their own relapse/s. If you, like me flipped that switch to never drink alcohol because we choose that for life, then don't second guess yourself. If you are subconsciously planning your own relapse and need to believe we all do, and cycle endlessly between drunk and sober, then that is something no one can talk you out of. I never want to go through detox and all the PAWS I had ever again. I like life without alcohol. Good or bad I will handle sober. It is not a choice anymore. It is my lifestyle.
I also got resentful that regardless of whether I was comfortable, or angry, some fortune-tellers on SR would predict my inevitable relapse. I also took a break, but came back after a month because it's a nice place to socialize and help, and be helped for me.
I am glad you feel this way Itchy - as they say here "you are not alone!"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Good post digdug. I never posted a relapse thread here at SR because I've never been in relapse while a member here.
In my personal experience, in my relapse before I joined SR, when I decided I needed to stop digging I called an old sober friend I made when I originally got sober, told him what was happening, and just invited him over and we talked for hours. I reached out, not really for help putting the bottle down, we didn't discuss it all that much really, but just to spend a little time with someone that had once been in the same hole as me, and to try to revive some memories of the joy I'd felt in releasing myself from prison the first time.
This time with my sober friend helped me climb out of the hole again, it wasn't my sole motivation, and it may not be the same for the folks who post about their relapses here.
If you're looking for something to say to those folks, you can just send your well wishes any way you think appropriate, I don't think you must have relapsed to help. Just someone giving a damn may be enough.
In my personal experience, in my relapse before I joined SR, when I decided I needed to stop digging I called an old sober friend I made when I originally got sober, told him what was happening, and just invited him over and we talked for hours. I reached out, not really for help putting the bottle down, we didn't discuss it all that much really, but just to spend a little time with someone that had once been in the same hole as me, and to try to revive some memories of the joy I'd felt in releasing myself from prison the first time.
This time with my sober friend helped me climb out of the hole again, it wasn't my sole motivation, and it may not be the same for the folks who post about their relapses here.
If you're looking for something to say to those folks, you can just send your well wishes any way you think appropriate, I don't think you must have relapsed to help. Just someone giving a damn may be enough.
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