bleary

There is nothing quite like the first drink of the night. The initial buzz. I will miss that so much. I keep trying to think of the end of the night when I am blacked out and possibly lying in my own pee. I keep trying to remember that. This is weekend #1 of being sober. Weekends were the only days I drank. I am a highly functioning alcoholic, if there is really is such a thing. Anyone relate?

Dee74

I thought I'd miss it too..& I did for a while...but over the years I honestly haven't.
There's a lot more pleasurable things to do - give it time Bleary

D

LadyinBC

Oh I can definately relate to missing that first drink and that initial buzz. I've been sober for over a year now and it still does enter my mind. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it or think about it.

And you know what? It is normal to have these thoughts. It is what we do with them and how we react to it that is important.

I know it is easy to say, but it really does get easier as time goes on. I was a basket case in the beginning and honestly, I didn't think I would make it thru week 3. And here I am after a year!

LindaLou

Hi bleary! I 100% know what you mean. Weekends were the days I drank. The initial buzz was awesome (I do miss that). What I don't miss is what happens after...I'm a mean and nasty drunk who blacks out. I find out the next day what I've said and done and I'm mortified and ashamed. No, I don't miss that a bit...and I don't want to go back to that again. I'm working very hard to rebuild the trust in the people I love that I've hurt with my boozing. One day at a time. I check in here at SR every day, it really helps to keep me on track.

Keep checking in here this weekend (I play in the arcade a lot). We are all here for you! Good luck!

~Linda

doggonecarl

I drank every day. For thirty five years. That's a lot of "first" drinks. And I don't miss it. But it took more than a couple weekends sober. Stay the course. You'll get there.

MsJax

I know what you're saying, bleary. But everything goes to hell after the first few. It's never good to live in regret but it is awfully important to keep in mind what can happen. Be sober, you can do it!

wiscsober

Hawkeye13

You are too right Bleary. The first drink was great at first. But as the years rolled on, the greatness was fleeting, for me at least. . . I thought "oh boy" but bottomed out quicker and quicker.

This makes not missing it easier. Now I wake up hangover free and think "oh boy--I feel excellent" and I am not lying in pee, no headache, no vodka butt, no dry heaves and most importantly, nothing to regret.

Even with all of the above, I still got up and got to work. Missed less than one week for any reason in 15 years. "High functioning" perhaps, but not at all what I could have been I know now.

Sobriety is way better than that first drink.

Glad you are here and keep posting!

dreamr

You know what I think? It's ok to miss it, it's normal to miss it, and we should allow ourselves to miss it. But just like missing an ex, it doesn't have to mean anything other than that there was something pleasant to remember along with the bad. It doesn't have to weaken your resolve if you don't let it, it's a natural part of life to miss things we can't have anymore. Time will make the feelings fade.

bigsombrero

When I was 9 years old, I got a bike for my birthday. It was in March, just when the snow was melting, so I was able to take it outside and cruise right after I got it. There was nothing like that first bike ride. There was nothing like taking that bike out of the garage on a Saturday morning and going out to the gravel parking lot behind the apartments with my friends.

I rode that bike for years.

It's okay to miss those Saturday morning bike rides when I was nine. Sure, there are days I grieve for the old days, and wish for simpler times. But I'm an adult now. I'm too big for that bike. I could spend time missing those days, but they're gone. In the past. I couldn't ride that bike anymore if I wanted to.

And if I did, I'd look like an idiot.

suki44883

The first drink is like the first step into hell. It just ain't worth it.

It's kind of like meeting that woman or that man that you think is so wonderful. He/she says all the right things and gives you a few really fanfukkingtastic times, but after a while, it gets old. He/she takes you to places you hate going to, but you go because you're still a bit enamored. A little while longer and you decide this man/woman isn't anything you thought it was. It is becoming a disaster. You want to get away, but his/her hold on you is so strong. You hate what you have allowed him/her to turn you into.

Yeah, it just ain't worth it.

EndGameNYC

One of the reasons I continued drinking even though it was killing me is because that first drink was my salvation. At least that's how it felt. If alcohol never "worked" for me, it would never have been a problem. But it did. Until it didn't.

I no longer miss it, and I no longer want it but, as has been suggested, it takes time to get there.

There is so much more to life without that first drink.

Mountainmanbob

I was very highly functioning
owned a bicycle shop at an early age
32 year career with the City (retired)
but
as I look back I see where booze stripped away a lot
should have ended up a supervisor
preferred working alone and getting drunk and high
and
the booze in me ran many a nice Lady away

never have missed that first drink in my sobriety
I realize that it is only poison to me

kind of like a hot stove -- tired of getting burned

MM

bigsombrero

A highly functioning alcoholic is just an alcoholic who still has a job. Don't fool yourself with that terminology. My hot-shot corner office on Michigan Avenue actually reinforced my denial, and probably hurt me in the long run.

GracieLou

+1

I agree. That type of thinking is what kept me drinking for so long. I was not like others that drank because I kept my job, never had a DUI, I still had my kids etc.

Someone else posted a couple days ago "A sewer line is functional but it is still full of crap".

That sorta tells it like it is!

For a while I missed that first drink of the night. Get off work, change clothes, make that drink, plop my ass down and ahhhhh.

What I did not realize was that one, that is the drink that got me drunk and second that I thought about that drink all day long, maybe in your case, all week long. I obsessed over it. I had to get to it. It was my goal.

I no longer have it. It does not even occur to me anymore and you will get there too. It takes time. Hang in there.

MrGhost

It is nice, but it's not that nice. And what overlaps it and blows it entirely out of the water is the fact of what alcohol really does to a persons life. It's not even close to being worth it. And all the wonderful things in life that get ruined from alcohol, are FAR greater and better than any "first buzz" that I know of.

"I am a highly functioning alcoholic"

The next time you miss that first buzz then just tell yourself the above sentence I put in quotes, is temporary and won't last. And replace the above sentence in quotes with "Some day alcohol will INEVITABLEY turn me into low functioning alcoholic and make my life lifeless and purely miserable".

DarkDays

Your AV misses the first drink not you, that's the way I see it anyway.

First drink , nothing more than a drug in a glass, yuk.

polaris

We all will my first REAL drink (that led to the point of drunkeness) led me as a 13 year old to be the "life of the party" and be at ease among a group of senior High School, and some early 20s people. As well as a beautiful 21 year old with an awesome personality. I felt awful the next day, and had to get up with 2-3 hours of sleep to deliver papers. Had an absolute horrible hangover all day.

I guess those first signs foreshadow. I remember my dad once saying that his first time getting drunk he had to sneak back into his mom's house and was throwing up in a drain somewhere, but despite that still felt like he was having his greatest experience ever. Sorry that Ive rambled so much. Hopefully some of its poignant, if we hadnt found it so fun then...

All the "first drinks" always have felt great (and we want the ability to repeatedly relive that) after that as well...until the loss of control. The trigger switches on far too easily and subtly. Ive hated the shades of Black and White so often associated with Alcoholism, until I realized just how accurate they are.

819

Ty that first sip did it for me also tried to just drink odouls when i quit drinking and realized i was drinking a 12 pack of non alcohol beer. Now that I have 39 days I won't even drink that.

Gottalife

When I was trying to quit there was this advice about not taking the first drink. My problem was I often did not realise I had taken the first until I was on the fifth. Then it was "how did I get started again? Oh well, it's too late now.... " So I don't miss the first drink, mainly because I did not often remember it, or that I wasn't supposed to have it.