bleary

Thank you all for the beautiful responses! It all will help me as I face this Saturday night. Every post had some kind of meaningful message. I am so glad I found this place.

My husband went out last night and got drunk. He came home at 2 am and was snoring so loud. I had to go sleep in the living room. I was angry and ........... I am not sure, just resentful. Tonight will be similar. I have to think of that hangover, the puking, and black outs and the strangling guilt.

Thanks so much!

dreamr

Bleary, I can just imagine how hard it is to stay sober while your husband is getting drunk. Way to go on staying strong!

Remember that you are doing this for YOU, and nothing anyone else does should change the fact that you need to treat yourself and your body with love. Try to have compassion toward him instead of resenting him, because he hasn't made the choice you did to do something necessary for your physical and mental health.

It will be worth it if you don't give up!

chaili05

At the end of my drinking, that first drink wasn't even good enough. Like hell that could get me buzzed. It was more like that first wine bottle or that first half bottle of vodka. Yuck.

Yes, looking back in the early days that sure was nice.... but I know where it always ended up and that was not nice...

chaili05

That sounds so awful. I'm lucky in that I'm living in an alcohol free home and don't have to be tempted or even reminded at all by it. If you don't mind me asking, does your husband drink often? That must be really rough. For me, it would be really difficult not to be resentful... does he know you're not drinking?

Caldus

That's a good thing to think about. My nights would always end like that too. Laying on the couch covered in my own pee and super hungover.

It took me about a year to stop having strong cravings like that during the weekends. I know that is not something you wanted to hear, but maybe it will be different for you. I got (and stayed) sober by going to AA. I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps of AA. I also started to realize just how many people out there don't drink at all and if they do, just how often people will leave half-empty glasses of beer at the table (as if it were a glass of coke)! It was so insane to me at first but I started to realize just how insane I was when it came to alcohol!

gaffo

I drank so much for so long, I feel like once I finally got sober for a while the spell was broken. Whatever good could possibly come from drinking is buried in tons of BS.

neferkamichael

Bleary, in the beginning of my journey to sobriety I was plagued with worry and anxiety over numerous issues concerning my drinking lifestyle. What am I gonna do with myself, what about my friends, what about whatever? At 3 years 4 months all the pain and suffering concerning drinking issues have vanished. I don't miss any of it now. When you quit doing something for a long enough period of time, the emotional content attached to the behavior goes with it. Replacing new good behavior for the old bad behavior has been a lot harder for me than gettin of the chemical substances. Rootin for ya.

bleary

I talked to my main drinking buddy tonight. I have still not told her about my decision to stop drinking. It is going to ruin our friendship. She was telling me how she decided that she will not have anymore kids and that she is at peace with it. She was saying that her daughter and my son will grow up together and be like brother and sister. We live right near each other and have a lot of fun together with our kids. This actually got me thinking that maybe I should continue drinking so that I won't lose out on our incredibly fun times together and I won't have to let her down with my sobriety. We are a close circle of friends and that's what we do, we drink. If I stop drinking I will lose a huge part of myself and my life. Excuses??? excuses excuses.

suki44883

Yeah, and justification. If your friendship is true, it will continue even if you stop drinking. You may have to change up some of the things you do, but if she has a huge problem with that, then maybe she isn't the true friend you think she is.

karate

The first one is great , its those that follow that one that makes the plan go to hell ,and drag you down with it .

erics

You NEED to read the book The high functioning alcoholic. By Sarah Allen Benton. Got mine off of Amazon. Helped me soooooo much. I do know now that high functioning only lasts for so long, and you won't always be. It ALWAYS gets worse, never better. As for your friend, you would still lose her if you keep drinking. Just in a slower, painful suffering kind of way.

longbeachone

I don't even think I enjoyed the first drink. For me it was just the relief of carrying on with my addiction. The first drink was an anxiety killer...no more.

Sanantoniosober

I missed it. It gets easier. Once you realize how much better the next day is.

chaili05

I haven't read the book but I agree with that message- that it gets worse. You can only live like that for so long before it does begin to affect all areas of your life.

Also, I do understand that yes, your "drinking buddies"/neighbor will have to find new activities to partake in and know that it is possible.

Grungehead

Towards the end of my drinking I reached the point where I actually dreaded the first drink because I knew where it was going to take me. Also I didn't know if the first drink was going to stay down or not. The first drink became something I HAD to take in order to get to drink 4 or 5 where I started to feel numb again. I reached that point in the BB where they talk about not being able to live with or without alcohol. I contemplated suicide many mornings because I didn't want to drink anymore (by taking that first drink), but I didn't know how to face the day without drinking. I honestly don't miss the first drink, the thought of it actually repulses me.

caboblanco

I liked the 15th drink the best I think. After the 24th it was just getting ridiculous

dreamr

That made me snicker.

bleary

Weekend #2 no drinking. I still have not told my husband or family or friends my decision. I can't speak the words out loud. It will be so.....final. I am so scared to tell everyone. I am also so terrified thinking about getting through holidays, parties, and New Years not drinking. Is it physically possible?

dreamr

You're doing great! Of course it's possible, people do it all the time.

I'm sure that once you're more confident with your sobriety, it will be easier to tell your family.

bleary

Thanks Dreamr! How are you holding up?