Happiness In Sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Happiness In Sobriety
Just curious, did happiness come easily for you in sobriety or is it something you really have to work at? Is happiness just a state of mind we can easily control or does the mind seem to go wherever it wants to, at times going all over the place?
Do you think it's possible to just roll with the flow and be ok with whatever comes your way or is that a very elusive goal? I was listening to a Buddhist speaker talk about the folly of constantly chasing happiness. The attitude that I'll be happy when I do or get this or that, we will just replace the last thing with something new. Isn't that what drives us on tho? Don't know where I'm really going with this, any thoughts on any of it?
Do you think it's possible to just roll with the flow and be ok with whatever comes your way or is that a very elusive goal? I was listening to a Buddhist speaker talk about the folly of constantly chasing happiness. The attitude that I'll be happy when I do or get this or that, we will just replace the last thing with something new. Isn't that what drives us on tho? Don't know where I'm really going with this, any thoughts on any of it?
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
I felt excited in early sobriety , then for a long period I had all kinds of emotions back and forward, now nearly approaching 2 years I am seeing the benefits of it big time ! Love it , never ever go back to the ghastly prison of alcoHELL .
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne 
Just curious, did happiness come easily for you in sobriety or is it something you really have to work at? Is happiness just a state of mind we can easily control or does the mind seem to go wherever it wants to, at times going all over the place?
Do you think it's possible to just roll with the flow and be ok with whatever comes your way or is that a very elusive goal? I was listening to a Buddhist speaker talk about the folly of constantly chasing happiness. The attitude that I'll be happy when I do or get this or that, we will just replace the last thing with something new. Isn't that what drives us on tho? Don't know where I'm really going with this, any thoughts on any of it?
Do you think it's possible to just roll with the flow and be ok with whatever comes your way or is that a very elusive goal? I was listening to a Buddhist speaker talk about the folly of constantly chasing happiness. The attitude that I'll be happy when I do or get this or that, we will just replace the last thing with something new. Isn't that what drives us on tho? Don't know where I'm really going with this, any thoughts on any of it?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I think what make us happy or brings up happiness changes through out life, alcoholic or not.
What made me happy at 10 is not what made me happy at 20 and so on. I think as we go through life our perception changes so in turn what makes us happy or our level of happiness changes.
As a recovering alcoholic what makes me happy now is at a very basic or simple level. I am now happy, joyous and free a majority of the time. What I hear some people complain about are so minor to me now they do not hit my radar. It does not threaten my happiness.
The other day at a meeting my friend came over and said "Can you please take your laughter and happiness and rub some on me", So I did. I hugged her and rubbed my shoulder an her and she laughed. Maybe only for a brief moment but it made me feel good to help another. That is what makes me happy today. Not going after anything, only that I am available today to help another, even if it nothing more then a silly gesture.
I find the less that I look for happiness, the more I find it.
What made me happy at 10 is not what made me happy at 20 and so on. I think as we go through life our perception changes so in turn what makes us happy or our level of happiness changes.
As a recovering alcoholic what makes me happy now is at a very basic or simple level. I am now happy, joyous and free a majority of the time. What I hear some people complain about are so minor to me now they do not hit my radar. It does not threaten my happiness.
The other day at a meeting my friend came over and said "Can you please take your laughter and happiness and rub some on me", So I did. I hugged her and rubbed my shoulder an her and she laughed. Maybe only for a brief moment but it made me feel good to help another. That is what makes me happy today. Not going after anything, only that I am available today to help another, even if it nothing more then a silly gesture.
I find the less that I look for happiness, the more I find it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 47
I am just beginning to remember that happiness is something that comes and goes frequently in early sobriety. I really forgot how hard these early days are. However I do know that after the fog clears and the constant cravings for alcohol disappear happiness is an emotion I experiences everyday. I recently read about stress that it is in the eye of the beholder. I believe this to also be true about happiness. I think that once we become grateful for what we have and realise that we actually have everything we need at each point of our lives it is easier to be happy more often. For me this comes when I accept that I am apart of a greater divine plan (sorry to go there), but that's my trut 
Its easier to be happy for me when I get off self and start to worry more about others
Its easier to be happy for me when I get off self and start to worry more about others Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
It takes work. I once came up with a saying that I now look at as me being really analytical, but it goes "Happiness is a perspective that is dependent on our attitude which is defined by our opinion of the circumstances that surround us"
I can't speak for anyone else, but my own attitude is also dependent on my emotions, which I don't have control over. Sure, after I feel something I can then choose to do something about it, but the only time I controlled whether I felt or not was when I was under the influence of something and became emotionally numb.
I feel that happiness and serenity are synonymous. When I reach a place of acceptance, I begin to find serenity. Once that comes, happiness is normally right around the corner.
I agree that life happens, usually without my permission. People make decisions (refer to my other thread in this forum xD ) that hurt, and there's nothing I can do besides feel. I can choose to form a resentment and harbor ill feeling, and thus hamper my progress more, or I can choose to forgive, walk through my feelings, do what I can to make my own life better, and move forward.
There's a thread I recently looked at that talks about powerlessness. While I agree that I am powerless on many things, I choose not to focus on that. If I see powerlessness everywhere I go then I start becoming a victim of things that I have no power over. Instead I look at what I can do. That also brings serenity, knowing that I have a say in my own life today. And most things that I am powerless over, my HP is not powerless over. The principle of surrender helps me not only exist peaceably, but to live serenely.
I can't speak for anyone else, but my own attitude is also dependent on my emotions, which I don't have control over. Sure, after I feel something I can then choose to do something about it, but the only time I controlled whether I felt or not was when I was under the influence of something and became emotionally numb.
I feel that happiness and serenity are synonymous. When I reach a place of acceptance, I begin to find serenity. Once that comes, happiness is normally right around the corner.
I agree that life happens, usually without my permission. People make decisions (refer to my other thread in this forum xD ) that hurt, and there's nothing I can do besides feel. I can choose to form a resentment and harbor ill feeling, and thus hamper my progress more, or I can choose to forgive, walk through my feelings, do what I can to make my own life better, and move forward.
There's a thread I recently looked at that talks about powerlessness. While I agree that I am powerless on many things, I choose not to focus on that. If I see powerlessness everywhere I go then I start becoming a victim of things that I have no power over. Instead I look at what I can do. That also brings serenity, knowing that I have a say in my own life today. And most things that I am powerless over, my HP is not powerless over. The principle of surrender helps me not only exist peaceably, but to live serenely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 852
I'm happy for the most part in sobriety so far. It's nice to not be a slave to alcohol anymore. It's still confusing at times, but I'm happy that I quit and that I'm moving forward with my life.
Your really only as happy or unhappy as you make yourself.
Your really only as happy or unhappy as you make yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Cedar Rapids, IA
Posts: 35
Happiness, like humility and some other spiritual attributes is like a soap bubble
If you pursue it you push it away if you try to grab it, it dissapears.
I just did the things that were suggested one day at a time and somewhere in there I realized that I was content and happy. Kind of snuck up on me while i was paying attention to the other stuff
If you pursue it you push it away if you try to grab it, it dissapears.
I just did the things that were suggested one day at a time and somewhere in there I realized that I was content and happy. Kind of snuck up on me while i was paying attention to the other stuff
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I think there is far to much emphasis place on being happy. There was a great article on this in the Atlantic not too long ago, which is worth reading. The article highlights the difference in trying to live a happy life versus living a meaningful life, and that solely going for happiness is actually a rather shallow pursuit.
Finding purpose in life and working to fulfill that, on the other hand, leads to a satisfying life. Whereas happiness is fleeting, satisfaction fills you up.
Finding purpose in life and working to fulfill that, on the other hand, leads to a satisfying life. Whereas happiness is fleeting, satisfaction fills you up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 368
For me, true happiness comes from God alone. If I'm getting my happiness from anything else, it's only temporary and will leave me disappointed. I believe that no matter what my circumstances are, I can maintain an inner peace and joy through Christ, even if I'm feeling negative emotions at the same time. Sobriety will make it easier for me to "feel" happy, but if that's all I had, it wouldn't be enough.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
Just curious, did happiness come easily for you in sobriety or is it something you really have to work at? ?
Don't get me wrong, I feel great at 110 days sober but I am far from happy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
Originally Posted by jazzfish
I think there is far to much emphasis place on being happy. There was a great article on this in the Atlantic not too long ago, which is worth reading. The article highlights the difference in trying to live a happy life versus living a meaningful life, and that solely going for happiness is actually a rather shallow pursuit.
Finding purpose in life and working to fulfill that, on the other hand, leads to a satisfying life. Whereas happiness is fleeting, satisfaction fills you up.
Finding purpose in life and working to fulfill that, on the other hand, leads to a satisfying life. Whereas happiness is fleeting, satisfaction fills you up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Happiness, contentment always follows
me when I share my ESH-experiences,
strengths and hopes before, during and
after alcohol with others still suffering
with addiction. It never fails and always
works for me.
If ive done my work there and unhappiness
still occurs then I look other possible reasons.
H.A.L.T. and R.I D.
Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? or am I
restless, irritable or discontent?
Each individual is made up differently, so
I can't compare myself with anyone elses
physical, mental, emotional, spiritual makeup.
Each one requires attention at all different
times in our lives as we grow and mature.
If I address each one accordingly and take
care of the maintenance part then the results
of my mind, body and soul will reflect it in
a healthier happier way.
With 23 yrs sobriety in my mid 50's I still
have to do maintenance on my mind, body
and soul on a daily bases to have that balance
in life. Just like keeping your car running right,
you do maintenance regularly to insure it runs
right, smoothly and doesn't leave you on the
road stranded. What you put in it will in turn
take care of you on a daily bases.
Love and Care Always.
me when I share my ESH-experiences,
strengths and hopes before, during and
after alcohol with others still suffering
with addiction. It never fails and always
works for me.
If ive done my work there and unhappiness
still occurs then I look other possible reasons.
H.A.L.T. and R.I D.
Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? or am I
restless, irritable or discontent?
Each individual is made up differently, so
I can't compare myself with anyone elses
physical, mental, emotional, spiritual makeup.
Each one requires attention at all different
times in our lives as we grow and mature.
If I address each one accordingly and take
care of the maintenance part then the results
of my mind, body and soul will reflect it in
a healthier happier way.
With 23 yrs sobriety in my mid 50's I still
have to do maintenance on my mind, body
and soul on a daily bases to have that balance
in life. Just like keeping your car running right,
you do maintenance regularly to insure it runs
right, smoothly and doesn't leave you on the
road stranded. What you put in it will in turn
take care of you on a daily bases.
Love and Care Always.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
I was listening to the AA book on audiotape and they have quite a bit of wisdom in there. They talk about dealing with life on lifes terms, what I would call rolling with the flow. Life seems to throw at you a constant mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. I had more things go wrong when I first got sober then I ever did before in my life. Maybe I just noticed them more on a sober all the time basis, who knows.
It did seem that for every 3 things that went right 6 went wrong. When too many bad things happen it can seem like the universe is conspiring against you. It's very easy to develop a victim mentality and say the hell with it, what's the point of being sober. That's the thing with sobriety, life keeps hapening and it doesn't care that you have no crutch (alcohol) left to fall back on.
In balance tho life gets much better sober as time goes on. You are no longer in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop or picking up the pieces of the wreckage from your last drinking escapade. The haunted house of hangover hell is a place you no longer have to pay regular visits to. In the long run it's a much better deal. Happiness all the time, not exactly but learning to roll with the flow minus the depression is good enough for me!
It did seem that for every 3 things that went right 6 went wrong. When too many bad things happen it can seem like the universe is conspiring against you. It's very easy to develop a victim mentality and say the hell with it, what's the point of being sober. That's the thing with sobriety, life keeps hapening and it doesn't care that you have no crutch (alcohol) left to fall back on.
In balance tho life gets much better sober as time goes on. You are no longer in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop or picking up the pieces of the wreckage from your last drinking escapade. The haunted house of hangover hell is a place you no longer have to pay regular visits to. In the long run it's a much better deal. Happiness all the time, not exactly but learning to roll with the flow minus the depression is good enough for me!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Yes. Happiness is a direct byproduct of sobriety for the simple fact that you are not pouring a substance known to cause depression, in your body, daily. It came rather quickly and forcefully. I had spent such an inordinate amount of time in the booze fueled doldrums, that I was quite shocked how rapidly I started to feel better. And when physically you are feeling well, the mental portion follows suit. Every day that I wake up without a hangover, I swear feels like Christmas morning.
Anything is possible. And that makes me silly giddy.
My life is far from "perfect" (whatever the f that is) but its AWESOME.
None of which, would be even remotely possible, when I was drinking.
Be well.
Anything is possible. And that makes me silly giddy.
My life is far from "perfect" (whatever the f that is) but its AWESOME.
None of which, would be even remotely possible, when I was drinking.
Be well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
For me personally, nothing filled that emptiness in me. Not cars, booze, drugs,men, sex, big houses, boats, hot truck. None of it brought me lasting happiness.
Cuz that hole was reserved for Lord..
When I committed my life to the Lord Jesus. That is when that hole got filled up and it isn't a kind of happiness that leaks. This is a inner joy that pervades
my whole being regardless of what is going on in my life. This life is less than a blink of an eye compared to eternity so I have eternal perpsective.
Life is just a phase I am going through but I'll get through it.
Cuz that hole was reserved for Lord..
When I committed my life to the Lord Jesus. That is when that hole got filled up and it isn't a kind of happiness that leaks. This is a inner joy that pervades
my whole being regardless of what is going on in my life. This life is less than a blink of an eye compared to eternity so I have eternal perpsective.
Life is just a phase I am going through but I'll get through it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I have a wide variety of emotions. Happiness is one of them. I'm not always happy, but I'm happy enough of the time to be happy about it.
The trick for me was learning to be happy being content, and learning to accept everything else that comes my way, including depression. I still go through bouts of that, but I now feel they strengthen me, as they always push me to reach out a little bit more. They also keep me humble, open minded, and wanting to learn more.
As for the work part, I'd have to say yeah, it took a bit... Though I feel I've been given lots of strength, power, knowledge, and miracles through my HP and using prayer as a tool. I consider myself a high maintenance person. I use AA, the 12 steps, service, exercise, healthy diet, reading positive material, affirmations, journals, relaxation exercises, and a whole bunch of other things to continue experiencing happiness.
The trick for me was learning to be happy being content, and learning to accept everything else that comes my way, including depression. I still go through bouts of that, but I now feel they strengthen me, as they always push me to reach out a little bit more. They also keep me humble, open minded, and wanting to learn more.
As for the work part, I'd have to say yeah, it took a bit... Though I feel I've been given lots of strength, power, knowledge, and miracles through my HP and using prayer as a tool. I consider myself a high maintenance person. I use AA, the 12 steps, service, exercise, healthy diet, reading positive material, affirmations, journals, relaxation exercises, and a whole bunch of other things to continue experiencing happiness.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Happiness was a byproduct of many things. I had to address the wreckage of my past, recognize the role that I had played in many of my deep held resentments, identify and face my fears, lead a life on giving not getting, accepting that I could not change people places or things that I could change myself, living in the moment not in the past or in the future, realizing that bad day does not mean a bad life, and constantly improving my conscious contact with my higher power
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
I was listening to a Buddhist speaker talk about the folly of constantly chasing happiness.
true happiness comes from a relationship with God
there is really nothing of the world
that will bring continued happiness
MM
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