dreamr

I thought about this a couple of days ago. I think it's safe to say that a lot of alcoholics wish they were "normal" drinkers. I know I do. My husband is a "normal" drinker. I've even tried to push him to drink more (I know, terrible, right?), and if he doesn't want to drink, he won't budge. Well, what would a "normal" drinker do if their drinking got out of hand and was causing them problems? THEY WOULD QUIT! In fact, I'm sure there are many non-drinkers out there who had a bad experience with alcohol at a young age and swore off alcohol forever, just like that.

So guess what? I'm now acting like a "normal" drinker! The only difference is that when they quit, they shrug and say "no big deal, no skin off my back," whereas when I quit, I sit here and hold a grand old pity party because I had to do something rational for my sanity, health, and family. Poor, poor me! (Just making fun of myself here, I don't know everyone's situation and pass no judgments on anyone else.)

Don't know if that helps anyone, but I found it a bit liberating.

dreamr

Oh and to make my point, one of the first times I tried to quit, I asked my husband if he would quit with me to support me. His response? He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Sure, I don't care."

IOAA2

"Sure, I don't care.
Certainly is not an alcoholic response. If I felt that way my life certainly would have been different.

BE WELL

dreamr

I know, he's not an alcoholic. I was pointing out that normal drinkers have made the choice to quit too, we just don't hear about it that much.

tomsteve

so, yer sayin yer still drinkin, but rationalizing that since yer havin a pity party yer a normal drinker, yet these normal drinkers don't have the pity party.
rationalization- giving a sociably acceptable excuse for socially unacceptable behavior and sociably unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity..
good luck with that.

dreamr

Wow, I'm being totally misunderstood on this forum. I'm saying I'm acting like a normal drinker because I quit, which is what a normal drinker would do if their drinking was getting out of control.

Just to clarify to everyone: I have quit drinking and will never drink again. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear in my first post, too late for me to edit.

Avra

My husband has done the same. I asked him if he cared if he couldn't drink again and he said it was no big deal. I was baffled but he doesn't have that mental insanity. Shows just how deep in it I am.

dreamr

I don't think it's insane to have a hard time quitting something, it's only insane when we deny it's a problem. If my mom had to give up chocolate forever, she'd be pretty upset, and have a hard time doing it, whereas I would be like, "ok, whatever." We don't have to feel bad that we're addicted to certain things, everyone has their weaknesses. It's what we do about it that matters. Alcohol is just not one of our husbands' weaknesses. I'll bet you know of other things he would hate to live without.

EndGameNYC

If I could drink like a "normal" drinker, then drinking wouldn't be at all important to me.

Boleo

"Normal" really only exits as a setting on washing machines and cloths dryers.

dreamr

Exactly, that's kind of what I was trying to say, but did poorly at it. I look at it this way: there are probably many would be alcoholics out there who just stopped a lot sooner than we did because they saw a problem and did something about it. We don't really think of them as alcoholics because they never let it get bad. The only thing that makes us different is that we waited too long to make the right decision, and then it started messing up our lives. So when we do quit, we are acting like they did in the first place, while they were still considered "normal" drinkers.

Please someone tell me I'm making sense, I'm beginning to think my communication skills suck big time, lol.

dreamr

Good point, that's why I used quotes, because I don't have a better word to describe those who aren't obsessed with drinking.

Boleo

I guess you could say that I am now a "normal" drinker;

A) I only drink root-beer beer and ginger-ale ale.

B) I no longer think about drinking alcoholic beverages.

C) I no longer have to think about not-drinking alcohol.

However, Normal does not really describe my current condition. I was as far from normal as it gets when I was drinking and than I had a Spiritual Awakening that makes me appear normal. But that begs the question - is a "Spiritual Awakening" normal?

dreamr

I don't really think there is such a thing as a normal, but I didn't know what other word to use. I don't now consider myself a "normal" drinker just because I quit, I just think I took the action that a "normal" drinker would take. I wasn't clear about that either in my post. I'm "acting" like a normal drinker would if they discovered a problem, but I'm not actually one of them.

Of course any drinker who quits is not a drinker at all anymore, but I was mostly thinking of what a current "normal" drinker would do if they were faced with a problem. My husband was the example I thought of. He is a drinker now, but would quit in a heartbeat if his drinking created a problem.

I will have to think through my words more thoroughly next time I talk about my thoughts. I do appreciate you guys pointing out what didn't make sense, I don't want to confuse anyone about what I mean.

DoubleDragons

I understood your post immediately and I completely agree with you. The more I read and learn about alcohol, the more I think alcohol isn't good for anyone. Read Jason Vale 's Kick the Drink. His premise is that alcohol drinking will some day go by the way of smoking, where it will almost be socially unacceptable to drink. If you look at drinking logically it really doesn't make sense for anyone, "normal" or not to ingest a poisonous, addictive liquid drug. I no longer wish I could drink "normally". I am grateful to be healthy and awoken to the reality of alcohol.

dreamr

Whew, thank you so much, I was feeling really stupid, lol. I did read a book called The Easy Way to Quit Drinking by Allan Carr once, and he had the same view. The book was sort of trying to get you to brainwash yourself to hate alcohol, and it worked for me for a little while. He described alcohol as a pitcher plant that traps flies by causing them to be stuck at the opening and then they slowly slide down into the plant. He said everyone who drank was caught in the plant, and some people slid down faster than others.

I can definitely see the reasoning, and have thought about it myself. I do think some people's brains just love alcohol a lot more than others, so it's a lot easier for them to get addicted. I've done other highly addictive drugs in the past, and didn't care for them so never got addicted, even after a good amount of time of tryiing them.

Doug39

Well to be honest, I feel that someday I can and will drink alcohol in moderation.

Yes I drank everyday for 25 years and yes I regret it for several reasons and yes I feel good now that I am nearly 4 months sober.

But I still want to be able to drink a beer or some wine on occasion - someday.

I have set a goal to not drink for at least one year so I have over 8 months of sobriety ahead of me. Maybe at that time I will feel different about drinking.

It is just that saying "I will never ever drink again" is too much pressure and nobody really knows what the future holds.

dreamr

I think everyone has to decide for themselves whether to say never again. I know for me, it was the only option I had left. I tried too many times to moderate, and it didn't work. Once I have one drink, my self control is out the window and I may or may not want more, but if I do, I can be sure I will have more. It doesn't feel like pressure anymore, it feels like relief. Yeah, I'm a little sad about it, but I know it's what God wants for me, and it's what I want for me and my family.

DoubleDragons

I read that book, too. The pity party thing puts me off a bit, too. We are fortunate to have woken up to our sobriety. No one would ever say that someone should have just a little bit of heroin or crack. My husband doesn't have a problem with alcohol, but he has cut back since I quit and he is noticing things like his food tastes better than when he eats when drinking beer and he notices having more energy. Life is better without alcohol, no matter who you are, in my opinion.

EndGameNYC

When I first got sober, it was a huge relief to know that I never had to drink again. During my relapse, I only wanted to die from my drinking.

When I relapsed after twenty five years, I truly believed that I could drink occasionally, or that I could drink safely on a regular basis. In the end, I lost everything and everyone dear to me in life.

If you're working on your recovery, you may at some time be surprised that you no longer entertain thoughts of drinking "a beer or some wine on occasion - someday."