freedove

Hi all. So here's the deal and sorry if it comes out jagged (lots of info)...

My roommate and her boyfriend drink heavily very frequently. She's mentioned before (several months ago) that she thinks she might drink too much. Some mornings I hear them going in and grabbing a beer from the fridge. She's always drank a bit but unfortunately I feel like her boyfriend and her enable each other.

She's constantly late to work or sometimes doesn't show. If it weren't for her boss being so understanding, I don't think she'd have a job. Even her coworkers have mentioned it to me along with her drinking and her boyfriend.

I'm not judging her at all, I'm just concerned. For the sake of our friendship (and we work at the same place), should I say something or just wait and if she mentions it?

I know this post kind of came out a clusterf*** but there's so much going through my mind about it. I'm sober now and I just feel sad for her because it all is so familiar.

Thanks in advance.

Tamerua

She said to you that she thinks she drinks too much, while inebriated. Why not mention that to her, gently and see where that goes? If she is ready to do something about it, she will talk it out. If she isn't then... She isn't.

Bostonsportsfan

I'd try talking to her about her drinking and see what her intentions/desires are moving forward and then go from there. She might admit she needs help and have a problem, she may not have a huge problem (Who am I to judge), so I think talking to her would be the best idea.

Xpylej

This is sort of like suicide and many other social ills - people assume that the worst thing to do is talk about it directly with someone, when in fact that's sometimes just what they need.

I'd talk to her, and be very clear that you're concerned. Just make sure that whatever you do it doesn't sound like you're "accusing" her of anything, or that you're mad, or anything like that. Just make her know that you're worried about her, and that your there to talk if she ever feels ready.

longbeachone

I always try to imagine that I'm the person with the problem...how would I like to be approached (that's easy...I wouldn't). So what can you say without embarrassing her or making her angry?

I'd say something like "You mentioned the other night that you think that you may be drinking too much these days. I just wanted to tell you that I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. I had a problem, so I've been there. I'm not judging or accusing...just concerned and ready to help. If you need me, I'm here".

Notsosober

My fiance tried to talk to me about it several times but it never really sank in. One day it hit me, I suppose it was my "moment of clarity" I've heard people talk about, where I realized I wasn't a "problem drinker" I was a full blown alcoholic. I began to discuss my situation with my fiance and my family and eventually came to terms with it and I still continue to do so. Building up the guts to stand up against something like this is a process. Her coming to you to mention it to begin with may be the beginning of her starting to deal with it. It may be difficult to get her to talk to you about it but if you really think she's got a problem and you want her to get better you need to have this difficult conversation. You've got to think of it as an intervention even if it is just you and her. If nothing else could you show her this website and invite her to begin to talk to us about it?