behindblueyes

I am almost afraid to post this because I somehow think my family members will find it and be mad at me (always paranoid). However, I was fired for being hungover at work last week and I don't want to point fingers but need to find out WHY I am like this. I have been thinking about how to break the cycle for my child also and after what I just witnessed I need some insight.

I just went out with my parents to a local restaurant chain. They serve beer but this doesn't bother me as I once called my mom an alcoholic and my dad didn't talk to me for days and I never drink around them ever. He sat down and as he always does, ordered beer. These were 24 oz beers. He drank in front of my child which I hate but her dad does it too. I never have. Im too afraid of her ending up like me. He had two 24 oz beers in an hour then proceeded to drive my mom home like he always does. She can drive, he just won't let her.

There is nothing I can say or do or I risk being screamed at or disowned. My whole life has been like this. They both drink. I had that drug/alcohol test at work and my mom admitted my dad once packed his bags at work because he knew he'd fail a random alcohol test. He luckily didn't.

I am wondering if they made me who I am. All of my boyfriends had to come sit and drink with dad to be approved. I remember being taken to parties when little and being put in rooms to "go to bed" while everyone partied. Strange peoples houses. I once had beer spilled on me and it was all thru my hair and my mom put me to bed that way. Im guessing I was 6-7. They would take me and my sister to a restaurant with alcohol, drink, then throw us in the back of the truck and drive us home. Every photo I look at from my childhood has my dad with a can next to him. We packed a cooler for trips to restaurants and handed dad beer to drink on the drive there. I wonder how he never got caught.

My dad bought cider when we were little and let it ferment. He let us drink it that way and I remember feeling strange but didn't know why. They have a keg system downstairs and would haul a keg down every week. I remember my dad throwing up in the morning before work and my mom saying it was only because he "switched beers" (lies).

My sister got her first 2 DUIs within one month. I got one 5 years ago. She has been in numerous bar fights and can't even have one beer or it's over. I am the same. I could go on and on. I am just wondering if anyone else had parents like this and if it impacted you in any way? Sorry if this has been asked before. Thanks all!

Dee74

Hi BBE

I think, no matter whether we learned it from our parents, whether it's genetic, or whether it started as a bad habit, the end solution is always the same - we need to stop drinking and then work hard at our recovery so we don't drink again.

I understand you wanting to look for answers but really, even if you did find an answer you still need to stop drinking and stay stopped, just like the rest of us

D

DoubleDragons

Dee is right. However, I can empathize with you, as I imagine many of us on the forum can, as well. I feel annoyed and cheated and frustrated because I don't know what "normal" drinking looks like thanks to my family of origin. To feel better about this, I have now looked at it as a blessing ~ I want to be the change in my family history. I want my children to know what a normal, healthy household looks like. My mother's out of control drinking behavior was the final wake-up call that I needed to know that I wanted to change. It is funny, I have so many drunken nightmare stories of my own that should have made me want to quit, but it has actually been watching my parents' spiral downward, watching them let alcohol completely control their lives, that has actually helped me achieve the gift of sobriety. So, good can come out of all that bad . . . .

least

I think it is action, not answers, that will get you sober.

youbetcha

I had to get sober first, before I could understand why I did the things I did. I find it's good also to stick with taking my own invemtory not other people's, though it's tempting. I still do that sometimes but I catch myself usually. Eg. At work, when I'm focused on what my coworkers are doing instead of what I'm doing, how many sales they have etc., my work suffers. Focus on sobriety and all this stuff will come to light, best wishes.

youbetcha

I forgot to say, if you stay sober and work on yourself in "recovery" you will "break the chain," for yourself and your child. That's what happened to me, I'm the only one in an extended family full of drunks and codependants that is a sober recovering person. I do have a relationship with them but it's different today than it used to be. I don't get sucked into their crap as much, and they respect my boundaries.

TDInstall

On the other hand, none of my family ever drink, and we never had alcohol in the house growing up, so it was all my own doing - meaning that just because your parents did something does not mean you will.

Brian316

I grew up around drinking parents also. I don't call them alcoholics and I don't want to judge them as I am learning like others had brought out, it's not good for me to worry about the shortcomings of others. All I will say is I do remember growing up thinking drinking was something all the rich old successful people do. Never really saw the negative side of it. How much that contributed to my own condition I don't know and like said, I don't know that it would help me to analyze.

MattM316

Getting fired for being hungover seems strange to me, is that even legal?
I know being under the influence of drugs or alcohol at work can be a firing offence, but not just having a hangover.

Maybe it's different here but I've been to 2 day meetings before and on one night everyone goes out and the next day at least 50% are hungover.

EndGameNYC

Nature vs. nurture. Psychology's biggest issue.

My mother is an alcoholic in recovery. She's one of eight, and six of her sibs also suffer/suffered from alcoholism. Most of them who've passed away did not die sober.

There was alcohol everywhere when I was growing up. It seemed like a cool, grown-up thing to do.

None of my four sibs ever had anything near a problem with alcohol or drugs. Three rarely drink, and one never drinks at all.

Any understanding I may have gotten around why I drink the way I do never helped me to stay sober or to live happily.

GracieLou

Neither of my parents are alcoholics. They did drink socially now and then. Holidays and such but never drank on a regular basis. If on rare occasions my dad bought a six pack it would stay in the fridge for months. Same with hard liquor. There was always a 1/2 bottle of brandy around from after the holidays and 99.9% of the time it was still there come the next Christmas.

So while we had other issues in the home and I would call us dis-functional, alcohol was never a factor, at least when it came to my parents.

I did hold a lot of resentments against both of them though and it was my biggest hurdle when I got sober. I blamed them for lots of things and in turn the way I acted and the choices I made were based on those resentments.

The hard part was seeing my part in those resentments. I was a child and could not see I had any fault. I did not do anything at that time but I did hold on to it and that was my fault. It was, to a certain degree, an excuse to continue my drinking. I was angry and hurt and it fueled those resentments for many years. Many times the feelings I had were just that, feelings and not truth. I was upset and mad over the way I thought they felt when in reality, I have no clue what they felt or why they did things the way they did.

The tricky part for me is not to create new ones. It is so easy to slide back into the old way of looking at things. To assume what others are thinking or feeling is something I struggle with. I have to remind myself, sometimes daily, it is none of my business.

The focus should be on me, not on others, and when I stick to that I am a much happier person and life is so much easier.