mybrother

I usually use this site for discussing my brother who is a crystal meth addict but today I need to vent about myself. I have found that recently I am getting too caught up in the problems my brother has & not focusing on myself which is beginning to take a huge toll on my mental well being.

I think I am an alcoholic? I just don't drink very often at all but this is what happened this week:
On Wed. I had a dinner meeting to go to & I had 1 glass of wine with my co-workers. I didn't have any problems stopping at 1 & didn't really see it as a problem. That was the 1st glass of wine I have had in a very longgg time, like over a year. Anyhow, when I got home from work last night I thought I would have another glass of wine while preparring dinner, before my husband got home. I figured he didn't need to know about it. Well, before I knew, I drank the entire bottle of wine. Once I started I couldn't stop...& to make matters worse, I drank our cooking wine. It is the only alcohol we keep in the house. Yes, I drank an entire bottle of cooking wine Afterwards, I brushed my teeth & threw in a piece of gum thinking I could hide what I had done. My husband didn't know even though I was slurring my words & couldn't even get dinner going. Well, the guilt took over & I felt scarred, both for possibly upsetting my husband & because I couldn't stop drinking the wine. It is like I couldn't get in down fast enough like a crazy feign. I asked my husband is he could tell I had been drinking & he said no...well then I started crying & told him the whole thing & I explained how scared I am that I couldn't stop. I cried & cried & told him I don't want to end up like my mother & brother, etc. He was very understanding & listened to me & he helped me clean up the kitchen. After we talked for awhile, I skipped dinner & went to bed. This morning I woke up feeling sooo guilty & ashamed but I know now that I just can't drink alcohol, period. I am back on the wagon, which is good. I even feel a little bit releaved but don't no why. Why is it that some people can drink like fish everyday & never develop a problem, & others have one drink & find that they can't stop. It is terrifying to me.

Thanks for reading...I know it was a long one. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Nevertheless

I think you might be over reacting. There are a lot of people I consider normal that "over did it" on occasion. The fact you realize you lost control,kind of tells me you won't let yourself slide down the slope. And you will probably be vigilant to not let it get out of hand.
Just my opinion.
Fred

Riel

You aren't an alcoholic - yet.

But being unable to stop drinking once you start is probably the surest sign of a vulnerability to alcohol addiction. You are very wise IMO to abstain from drinking.

tnpete

Alcoholism is a disorder in which you, and only you, must diagnose yourself. You seem extremely self aware, and that's a gift. It doesn't seem like you're having to much fun with wine.

The Big Book of AA, IMO, makes a big mistake in saying that if you have any doubt, go out and try some controlled drinking. A lot of folks don't return from that "experiment". You're fortunate to still have a choice in the matter. Keep focusing on yourself!

Bostonsportsfan

Sounds like an over reaction. You haven't drank in over a year and you started and couldn't stop. That's pretty to be honest. A lot people who drink less then once a year get way too drunk because there not use to drinking and just let loose and get hammered. You shouldn't be worried.

Although drinking cooking wine was a bad idea. The cooking wine I use to see in my house growing up said it's for cooking purposes and not personal consumption. Not sure why you drank cooking wine, but it's still not a big deal.

You'll be fine!

Bostonsportsfan

Also people who drink everyday usually do have a problem unless they limit it to a couple drinks. People who drink everyday have a lot bigger problem them the once a year drinker who pushes their limits.

kentuckydan

Loss of control, once you started, you "could not stop:"

That IMHO is the line, Sounds like it has been crossed.

It is not what we drank, when we drank or even how often, it's about what effect alcohol has upon us WHEN we drink.

Alcoholism is a "progressive" disease. A girl who has just missed her period does not look, act or feel like one 8 months or so, but they are both pregnant,

Now anyone could go out and have a binge that in itself does not define an alcoholic.

I could not stop does.

Dee74

Hi mybrother

Noone here can assess you as alcoholic or not, only you could make that call.
I would hesitate to make that diagnosis on the basis of one incident tho.

I think it's fair to say there are some red flags here however.

You experienced craving, you drank cooking wine (which really isn't pleasant) and you drank it without control, drinking it until it was gone, and then tried to hide it.

Those are all warning signs - and if I was you I'd swear off alcohol, at least until you're more certain of your relationship with it - right now it doesn't seem like a healthy relationship at all?

D

karate

If I buy a 12 pack of beer , I will drink almost all of it .

I feel your pain .

Tamerua

I think that there are signs and tendencies you displayed, the biggest one of which was wanting a glass of wine without your husband knowing. And not being able to stop. Doesn't mean you have an issue necessarily. But if you have all of this guilt and remorse, maybe it is better just to avoid alcohol. My sister doesn't necessarily have a problem with it but because we come from a long line of alcoholics (and I ended up being one) she just doesn't drink.