eire

I've been on this site, it must be eight years now. I didn't post much but I regularly read the threads. Needless to say I've been drinking over that time - I'm 45 in a couple of weeks and don't want to go past that birthday still drinking.

I'm self employed but my work has been intermittent over the last couple of years to say the least (self inflicted).

I don't want to drink any more but I find the loneliness or emptiness of life drags me back. I'm ok sometimes but this crushing loneliness keeps bringing me back to drink.

It's not all sad I had good work last year and an 'ex' who still texts me daily. There's the possibility I could have them both back again - sober!

I'm living alone and not working. The days are really hard to get through without drinking. I should join a club or something I know.

I'm just trying to get over the initial hump then I know I'll be ok. So hard to do though.

If I'm with someone I'm ok but alone I go to drink. How can O learn to live the rest of my life without alcohol. All I can see is being alone and penniless.

I think I'm depressed and thinking back I've always been a bit low even before I drank. I thought it was normal but maybe finally I'll see dr about it.

Thanks for listening any feedback appreciated.

(I know neatly paragraphed but I wrote it as I thought it)

copernicus

I can relate to this somewhat. I think the answer is finding things entertaining to do sober. I am trying to do this right now, it takes alot of thought and effort, but is necessary. If you have nothing fun or interesting to do you will not stop drinking imo. I feel your pain though, I cannot seem to stop drinking even though I am scared I am destroying my health.

LevelingUp

I had to physically, mentally and emotionally remove myself from all the people, places and things that enabled me to drink. That was the start. When I was ready after years of failed attempts to rationalize, hide, moderate and control my drinking; after distancing myself from anyone who cared; after hurting those whom I love; after hitting new lows before I could set a standard for new lows I took the first step. I admitted I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become completely unmanageable. Break old habits. seek new ones. resist impulse, be vulnerable and ask for help from someone you can look in the eyes. It is a difficult journey but not one that need be taken alone.

Dee74

Have you thought about finding face to face support to quit, eire?
People to call, meetings to go to?

D

GracieLou

I could have written some of that post seven months ago. Alone, no purpose, ex I still talk to and the loneliness. Wishing that my life was different. Wishing I could find something or someone to take me away from it. Thinking that if I could find a hobby on an interest that would make me happy that I could stick with and life would be better.

I took a leap of faith in the program and the people of AA. It was hard. I did not want to admit defeat but I was at the end of my rope. It was over. I did not have the strength to keep fighting with it.

Now seven months later I am sober, I have a purpose, for the first time!, I have real friends and that ex is no longer on my to do list.

I will also be 45 in a couple weeks and this is one birthday I cannot wait to come unlike the rest that were met with pity and anger.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

IOAA2

Congratulations on some insights on reasons you drink, that's a good first step for recovery.
I suggest people forget being concerned about not drinking beyond today or even this minute. We have absolutely no real control of the future and it's demands. Just a phone call can change our today, week or life never mind a stroke or accident etc. JUST FOR TODAY is a helpful AA phrase. There are so many potential friends who understand us at AA you might feel like some privacy after a period of not drinking. The benefits are almost endless if you want what they have. BE WELL

doggonecarl

Actually, you'd probably still drink. It's what we do. We drink. Until we stop.

Quit. Get sober. Work on making your life the satisfying one you deserve.

eire

Thanks all for taking the time to respond. Great advice that I plan to act on. I was tempted to get some alcohol this morning but stayed in bed a bit longer instead and urge went away thankfully. I also kept myself busy during the late afternoon as this for some reason is the period I get strongest urges.

I'm also thinking of volunteering and getting involved in some club or other - generally getting out there and doing things. Maybe a course i dunno.

In recent times I've gotten better at urge surfing; I know I'm close to stopping for good I just need to get myself together and pull myself out of this rut and create a life without alcohol. Day 1 again..