I'm taking a stand!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Scandinavia, Europa.
Posts: 56
I'm taking a stand!
So my strategy so far has been to stock up on food and other stuff and spend all my money so I cant buy any alcohol until the next pay check, well I just received an automated text from my bank saying some money had been transferred to my account.
My initial reaction was a loud yeah combined with a fist-pump and the first thing that came to mind was to head outside and buy some alcohol. Yes, I thought to my self, this night wont be boring after all!
But then the strangest thing happened, I paused, I didn't head outside. I'm still sitting in front of my computer. Can this be it? Can this be the day I draw a line in the sand and say that I'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore!!!?
I'm not going to take it anymore because I'm mad as hell. I'm going to get a good nights sleep and I'm going to get up well restedand head to work and be happy BUT my mind is already doing crocodile death rolls on itself, the me typing this is fighting a duel to the death with the me that wants to drink in fact it has taken me over 15 minutes just to push the submit new thread button because I want to drink so badly.
First edit : Fighting the power! Go to hell alcohol!
My initial reaction was a loud yeah combined with a fist-pump and the first thing that came to mind was to head outside and buy some alcohol. Yes, I thought to my self, this night wont be boring after all!
But then the strangest thing happened, I paused, I didn't head outside. I'm still sitting in front of my computer. Can this be it? Can this be the day I draw a line in the sand and say that I'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore!!!?
I'm not going to take it anymore because I'm mad as hell. I'm going to get a good nights sleep and I'm going to get up well restedand head to work and be happy BUT my mind is already doing crocodile death rolls on itself, the me typing this is fighting a duel to the death with the me that wants to drink in fact it has taken me over 15 minutes just to push the submit new thread button because I want to drink so badly.
First edit : Fighting the power! Go to hell alcohol!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Getting sober is like stomping out a wild fire. You gotta fight it you gotta put it out but the harsh reality of sobriety is that once you finally stomp that fire out for good you always have to be careful it doesnt flare back up cause it could get out of control real fast all over again.
I thought about getting a 6 pack the other night. I thought hell i'd probably just have 1 or 2 and get disgusted with myself and get rid of the rest. Then i thought yeah then i'll start thinking about the others the next day I'll think about how those 1 or 2 where not so bad and i'd proabbly be willing to chew my left arm off if it meant getting a beer that evening And at that point the fire would be in a full rage and I'd have to decide if i was going to stomp it out again or let it rage on. Now we all know how hard it is to stomp out a wild fire why would I wanna go through that again i thought?
So to your point your best bet is to nip this in the bud get it done stomp out the fire. Then it'll get a little easier and you wont have to fight this raging fire day in and day out.
I thought about getting a 6 pack the other night. I thought hell i'd probably just have 1 or 2 and get disgusted with myself and get rid of the rest. Then i thought yeah then i'll start thinking about the others the next day I'll think about how those 1 or 2 where not so bad and i'd proabbly be willing to chew my left arm off if it meant getting a beer that evening And at that point the fire would be in a full rage and I'd have to decide if i was going to stomp it out again or let it rage on. Now we all know how hard it is to stomp out a wild fire why would I wanna go through that again i thought?
So to your point your best bet is to nip this in the bud get it done stomp out the fire. Then it'll get a little easier and you wont have to fight this raging fire day in and day out.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Scandinavia, Europa.
Posts: 56
I bought 4 beers......so I failed, I didnt use the positive momentum I had. Failure. Loser.
But I'm not going to dwell too much on it because after all I only bought four. Not 6, not 8, and certainly not 12.
The stores are closed now so I cant buy more (you cant buy any alcohol after 8pm where I live) and thus I take this not as a loss but more like a tie.
I'm going to keep zjw's post in mind. I will put out this fire I have inside. I will be victorious. I must.
I guess things could be worse, I guess things could be better.
But I'm not going to dwell too much on it because after all I only bought four. Not 6, not 8, and certainly not 12.
The stores are closed now so I cant buy more (you cant buy any alcohol after 8pm where I live) and thus I take this not as a loss but more like a tie.
I'm going to keep zjw's post in mind. I will put out this fire I have inside. I will be victorious. I must.
I guess things could be worse, I guess things could be better.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think there are lessons to be learned here twelvecans 
whenever I fought myself, I would lose, no matter what the outcome.
When I reach that point of acceptance where I know what drinking brings me and I never want that again, I have already decided the outcome - there's no war.
Until you get to that stage - maybe you need more support? people to call? a definite plan of what to do in these situations? a few more tools?
Have you tried urge surfing at all?
www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/242563-urge-surfing.html
D
whenever I fought myself, I would lose, no matter what the outcome.
When I reach that point of acceptance where I know what drinking brings me and I never want that again, I have already decided the outcome - there's no war.
Until you get to that stage - maybe you need more support? people to call? a definite plan of what to do in these situations? a few more tools?
Have you tried urge surfing at all?
www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/242563-urge-surfing.html
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Scandinavia, Europa.
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think there are lessons to be learned here twelvecans
whenever I fought myself, I would lose, no matter what the outcome.
When I reach that point of acceptance where I know what drinking brings me and I never want that again, I have already decided the outcome - there's no war.
Until you get to that stage - maybe you need more support? people to call? a definite plan of what to do in these situations? a few more tools?
Have you tried urge surfing at all?
www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/242563-urge-surfing.html
D
whenever I fought myself, I would lose, no matter what the outcome.
When I reach that point of acceptance where I know what drinking brings me and I never want that again, I have already decided the outcome - there's no war.
Until you get to that stage - maybe you need more support? people to call? a definite plan of what to do in these situations? a few more tools?
Have you tried urge surfing at all?
www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/242563-urge-surfing.html
D
Thank you for the kind words Dee.
I really dont have anyone to call, I havent really told anyone. I havent tried urge surfing, but I will.
*reading your thread*
(thank you)
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
agree with sugarbear keeping yourself occupied helps a lot. Ya know what they say about idle hands!
Once you go 1 day then 2 etc.. it gets easier. Just focus on getting 1 day under your belt try not to look at the bigger picture. Keep it simple.
Once you go 1 day then 2 etc.. it gets easier. Just focus on getting 1 day under your belt try not to look at the bigger picture. Keep it simple.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Scandinavia, Europa.
Posts: 56
I got a momentum going on these days. Today I bought 4 beers and I feel no urge what so ever to buy more! I'm going to be realistic though so right now my mind is set on only buying 3 tomorrow (or maybe none) and within a few days go down to zero. I feel really good. For the first time I actually believe I can do this, I really do.
My therapy is coming to an end. November is the last month. My therapist thinks I'm ready and so do I. Today she said shes going to miss me coming and that was pretty flattering, shes very attractive so I played it cool and said said I would probably not even though I will, I will for sure have her in the back of my mind and shes going to be a motivation to continue going down the right path.
Yeah, things are pretty good. I feel....lucky. I've never felt lucky before in my life because I got an appointment, I got an appointment with soberness!
My therapy is coming to an end. November is the last month. My therapist thinks I'm ready and so do I. Today she said shes going to miss me coming and that was pretty flattering, shes very attractive so I played it cool and said said I would probably not even though I will, I will for sure have her in the back of my mind and shes going to be a motivation to continue going down the right path.
Yeah, things are pretty good. I feel....lucky. I've never felt lucky before in my life because I got an appointment, I got an appointment with soberness!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by Twelvecans
I got a momentum going on these days. Today I bought 4 beers and I feel no urge what so ever to buy more! I'm going to be realistic though so right now my mind is set on only buying 3 tomorrow (or maybe none) and within a few days go down to zero. I feel really good. For the first time I actually believe I can do this, I really do.
My therapy is coming to an end. November is the last month. My therapist thinks I'm ready and so do I. Today she said shes going to miss me coming and that was pretty flattering, shes very attractive so I played it cool and said said I would probably not even though I will, I will for sure have her in the back of my mind and shes going to be a motivation to continue going down the right path.
Yeah, things are pretty good. I feel....lucky. I've never felt lucky before in my life because I got an appointment, I got an appointment with soberness!
My therapy is coming to an end. November is the last month. My therapist thinks I'm ready and so do I. Today she said shes going to miss me coming and that was pretty flattering, shes very attractive so I played it cool and said said I would probably not even though I will, I will for sure have her in the back of my mind and shes going to be a motivation to continue going down the right path.
Yeah, things are pretty good. I feel....lucky. I've never felt lucky before in my life because I got an appointment, I got an appointment with soberness!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
12cans, I have seen people do what you are attempting to do over and over, countless times in succession. If you move the goalposts, even once, with your plan to gradually stop alcohol then please realize that you will do so over and over again.
If you can stick with that sort of plan, great. If not, understand that next time there is little chance it will be different. A new and different method will be needed.
If you can stick with that sort of plan, great. If not, understand that next time there is little chance it will be different. A new and different method will be needed.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I got a momentum going on these days. Today I bought 4 beers and I feel no urge what so ever to buy more! I'm going to be realistic though so right now my mind is set on only buying 3 tomorrow (or maybe none) and within a few days go down to zero.
I'm not going to take it anymore because I'm mad as hell. I'm going to get a good nights sleep and I'm going to get up well rested and head to work and be happy
Tapering never worked for me - controlling my intake of alcohol is not my forte...I never managed to get down to that magical zero number.
if you're worried about withdrawal, it's best to see your Dr.
D
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Scandinavia, Europa.
Posts: 56
I've read all your posts, twice, and I agree with all of you.
For the record, I've only had 4 tonight also. There was a point where I felt a sneaking urge to go out and buy more but I quickly discarded that thought. Threw it in the dust bin. It feels like I'm changing in some way. I feel no sorrow like before when I think about my alcoholism but instead I feel spite, anger and contempt for my liquid foe.
As brutal as it sounds, its as if I know that I have started to suffocate the monster inside of me, and it fuels the fire of survivial.
For the record, I've only had 4 tonight also. There was a point where I felt a sneaking urge to go out and buy more but I quickly discarded that thought. Threw it in the dust bin. It feels like I'm changing in some way. I feel no sorrow like before when I think about my alcoholism but instead I feel spite, anger and contempt for my liquid foe.
As brutal as it sounds, its as if I know that I have started to suffocate the monster inside of me, and it fuels the fire of survivial.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by Twelvecans
I've read all your posts, twice, and I agree with all of you.
For the record, I've only had 4 tonight also. There was a point where I felt a sneaking urge to go out and buy more but I quickly discarded that thought. Threw it in the dust bin. It feels like I'm changing in some way. I feel no sorrow like before when I think about my alcoholism but instead I feel spite, anger and contempt for my liquid foe.
As brutal as it sounds, its as if I know that I have started to suffocate the monster inside of me, and it fuels the fire of survivial.
For the record, I've only had 4 tonight also. There was a point where I felt a sneaking urge to go out and buy more but I quickly discarded that thought. Threw it in the dust bin. It feels like I'm changing in some way. I feel no sorrow like before when I think about my alcoholism but instead I feel spite, anger and contempt for my liquid foe.
As brutal as it sounds, its as if I know that I have started to suffocate the monster inside of me, and it fuels the fire of survivial.
Do you plan on drinking/buying more tomorrow?
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by jaynie04
Sobriety is a decision, not an event!
You absolutely can make the decision to never drink again, no matter what, and to mark the beginning of your new life from that moment.
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